my boyfriend loves me and someone else waht should i do.....

[moon_sarrow_egle_spirit]

ok.......

me and my boy hve been together for 8 months and 4 months ago he told me that he loved someone else and me.....it really hurt me when he told me and now that we are much stronger this girl keep trying to break us up this girl is the one that my boy loves but he wont break up with me because he loves me and i love him weve been through a lot in the last 8 months but im terribly scared to be alone by myself..........the one thing that bothers me is that he has a waiting list for when we break up that girl that he loves is on it and shes getting axous and now all my boys friends are trying to brek us up its hell and with the whole thing going on my best frind in the whole world lied to me and he was trying to breal us up and my best frind is the girls ex-boyfriend so if anyone has any advice i would like to hear it thank you

[rich_1517]

Its true people do want what they cant have, doesnt sound very honest with ourselves but we treasure that which we cant take for granted. My advice is to ditch him, in a nice way, just say this is a little too much for me (keep it short). let your heart be broken becuase the truth is he is taking everyone for granted here and he will do so until he gets the message. I dated two women once and i knew they both liked me a lot, but when love started to show i chose one, to be fair to me and to them.

 

I know that advice sounds hard, drop him nicely and say very little (he will know why, just say this is a little too hard to have half a relationship.) then beat feet. see no contact this is key to getting him back on your terms.

 

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this really works but not guaranteed. be the one who is unavailable if you can. I know its hard but if you dont prove your worth to him now he will always take you granted. It may be your best chance to get him solely with you, maybe not. If you can stand the pain then see him knowing that he is also with someone else. But it doesnt sound like that is ok with your heart.

 

On the friend, dont talk about your feelings to this "friend" they also gets the no contact treatment. You dont want someone telling your bo what you are feeling when you are playnig hard to get. you cant control him or what his friends say, one way to cover that is to say at the break up "listen you and i both know there are a lot of rumors around here, if you want to know if i said something, etc. You can call me to find out the truth".

[Ash]

I would say to judge your relationship with your boyfriend on it's own merits, and not be concerned about what he says he feels for another. The choice is fairly basic, though not easy to contemplate I realize. You either stay with him because you have a happy, mutually loving relationship, or you break up with him because of an outside influence.

 

Has he done anything to pursue this love he claims to have from another? I can understand it makes you uncomfortable.

 

One thing many people won't identify with is that it really is possible to feel genuine affection and caring for more than one person. I we all broke relationships and marriages because we started to generate feelings for another, regardless of whether we acted on them, a lot of us would be constantly be drifting around from person to person, never staying in the same place for more than a few years. It's what we do when somebody else comes along that matters. Not the fact that we might like them.

 

Try to look at it from that viewpoint. Ask your boyfriend what and if he intends to do with these feelings he has. He may be simply letting you know as a way of trying to purge them from himself, in which case, you likely won't have any issues. He might just be trying to work through these feelings, and is requesting your help in finding ways to get rid of them See if you can find out from him.