kelly ann Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I probably shouldn't have, but since my ex is seeing someone new (started a week or two after our breakup, his friends and family tell me it wont last) and said he was happy, i put away all of his things and sent his family (who i am very close with) a final goodbye card with three lines basically saying "thanks for welcoming me into your home this past year, you have a wonderful family, if you ever need anything this is my number". his mother wrote me a long letter back telling me she wishes she could fix things, she would love to talk whenever i want, i am beautiful and should not worry about love and everything will work out how its supposed to. i also talk to his sister (she's about my age, believes her brother is selfishly rebounding, and says she dislikes his new girl very much). however, i had stopped that, and also wasnt planning on contacting his mother with a response--it really was an attempt at a final goodbye. i guess he found about one or both of these things, and wrote me an email saying not to contact his family. the email started off saying "i dont mean this disrespectfully but..." and then proceeded to angrily list all the things i had done to ruin the relationship (one-sided, i must say) and ended with "so now its really over, i have really moved on, and im the happiest ive ever been in life" (even though, a few weeks before, during him dating this new girl already, he cried to me about how he loves me, will never find anyone like me, and is 60% ready to get back together). he also said he told all his family/friends about me and they all agree with him and are "on his side" so dont bother getting them involved...although they've personally told me otherwise. i wrote back an email saying sorry, i wasnt trying to get his family involved, i was simply saying goodbye because they will no longer be part of my life. i also said "and in the end i actually have to thank you, this breakup taught me a lot about myself and i'm much happier knowing who i am and what i want with my life. i no longer do this, that, and now i realized this (all things he wanted/didnt want me to do... and its true. ive actually seen myself changing). i'm glad you're finally happy, because you deserve to be. i know youre still angry with me, but i hope one day you can look back on our relationship not for how it ended, but for the love we shared and the lessons we taught each other" then he wrote back saying "youve clearly been thinking a lot and im glad to see it... youre going to grow up a lot over the next few years, i know i definitely did...in the end it will make you a better person..i sincerely hope everything works out for you at work and in your personal life, im sure that it will...have a good rest of the week and we'll catch up wednesday" (day he wanted to exchange each others stuff) im completely thrown off by his anger one minute then niceness the next. i want to get back together--i'm trying to have faith that his rebound wont work out based on how much he told me he loves me when they first started dating and what his sister says--but i'm not sure if he's angry and has to cool down and eventually forgive me, or if he's completely over me? any thoughts?? they would be so appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kadvati79 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 You are a strong one, and you've done an outstanding job so far. Your next step, I believe, is to just let things be. He is having a REALLY hard time with this and the result is incredibly unpredictable behavior. The only thing that you need to concern yourself with are his actions, not his words. His last action towards you was to break up with you. He's now dealing with the reality of that, and the only action that you should consider in this regard is if he comes crawling back to you full of apologies and a desire for a second chance. Let him stew, focus on yourself. Rest assured you have done everything you could and should, kept your dignity and principles intact. Now it is "me time", you should get out and be social with your friends, focus on the things you've always wanted too. I don't think you have anything to forgive, if he had issues they should have been raised in another form - dumping someone is not a method of raising issues. He's messed up and struggling to deal with the gravity of what he has done. He has made his bed, and now he must sleep in it! Don't give him the satisfaction. For the first time this year, I'll reproduce word for word IMB fact of life number one: No contact, or punch him in the face. Anything else is more than he deserves He needs to learn his lessons, let him learn them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QWit Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I am going to agree with icemotoboy. To be honest, there is nothing you really can do right now..He is with someone else, so , for now, he has made his decision.. Please do not sit around and wait on him because it's not worth it. He's moving on and you should be doing the same..Go NC which will allow YOU some time to breathe and rebuild yourself..Don't worry about what he is doing. He is no longer your concern.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brent642 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 hahaha...don't worry about it. reading your post makes me laugh. i don't mean that mockingly, i mean it very jubilantly for yourself! my ex gf DID THE SAME THINGS!!! hahaha...if he's anything like her(and to be perfectly honest you sound exactly like myself) he'll come back to you. he's doing all this for one simple but very important reason...he does not want to admit that he was wrong and that he made a huge mistake. the reason is because from all the hurt it has caused, being far too much, he can't hold the thought in mind of being "wrong"...i know this might sound a little confusing, or psychological, but it is very true. my ex gf rebounded...you guessed it...2.5 weeks after us breaking up. the rebound idiot did not even last a month with her before she ended it. but the whole time she was saying "my life is so, so, sooo great" and all that blahblahblah BS that anyone with a brain can plainly, easily see right through! one day i would find out she's crying her eyes out over me and the next hates me...then the next totally forgot like i had never even existed. IMO your ex sounds confused like mine...she dumped me stating she "fell out of love" and we were together 2.5 very happy years. so yeah. I would bet all the money in my wallet you two will be back eventually! best wishes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 His anger was probably just frustration that you were still in touch with his family. He is trying to move on and felt that you talking to them might be a way for you to stay engrained in his life. I can understand to some extent why he responded the way he did. His next email is him responding without the kneejerk anger so it was more calm and level headed. I really don't see anything too bizarre about his comments. Humans get angry and frustrated and that is all that first email was. He was upset that you might be in contact with his family as an attempt to keep yourself around and even tho that might not be true, he would not have really known that. Just let it go with that last more positive response. I sincerely encourage you not to respond back to him. Just let it go on that more relaxed note and let him pursue his life now. Break ups are hard but going back and forth with him won't help you at all. His anger is pretty justifed seeing that you two just broke up> I think most people would have a kneejerk reaction like that after finding out the ex is communicating with the family. Whether he is on a rebound, or truly happy or kidding himself with new girl is for his therapist to decide. You trying to figure out if she is right for him is not doing you or him any good and it is a fruitless exercise. I am sure a part of you is damn happy that his sister doesn't like new girl, and that is human nature too, but again, in the long run that is not going to help your healing. And if one gets too absorbed in things like that it can make one petty over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbygail Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 he's doing all this for one simple but very important reason...he does not want to admit that he was wrong and that he made a huge mistake. the reason is because from all the hurt it has caused, being far too much, he can't hold the thought in mind of being "wrong"...i know this might sound a little confusing, or psychological, but it is very true. I second this!! My ex boyfriend said these EXACT words to me when we discussed how he behaved at the end of the relationship. He knew he'd messed up but everything was so messed up as a result he just couldn't admit that he'd been wrong/made a mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly ann Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 i just want to say thank you to all of you! it's fascinating to hear everyone's opinion and personal story. i guess the consensus is that i should just not contact him right now, let him figure things out for himself, and see what happens later on. (i guess i knew that, its just easier said than done!). i guess i really just wanted to know if theres any hope left-- but i suppose its impossible for any of us to tell. brent--i really hope youre right!!! thanks again for everything, i appreciate everyones time, and if anyone else has an opinion, the more the merrier... or less sad at least haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Just try to concentrate on YOU kiddo. Whatever he does will be his decision. But you do have control over YOU and what you do, so try to just move forward and heal yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brent642 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I really do think it is going to work out for both of you. You know him better than anyone else. Only time will tell. Honestly, when I first arrived on this forum I was very suicidally heartbroken beyond repair and considering my situation(which is very strange) I initiated NC. At first it was LC...the only times I would contact her would be to get my stuff back or to ask questions about people only I could reach through her(her friend's phone #, ect...). ...NOW this is how it relates to your situation from my personal experiences... ...LC is not nearly as effective as NC...in any forms...this includes email, myspace, ANY FORM OF COMMUNICATION. this took me awhile for me to fully understand. the reasons being LC always bridges emotional baggage, be it good or bad. Interpreted from a psychological standpoint NC gives you a fresh slate with your ex, and most importantly IMO it helps you heal. NC gives you time to think. I view it as a meditation. AND EVERY SINGLE TIME I BROKE NC I REGRETTED IT DEEPLY DOWN THE ROAD. It is like a junkie and a quick fix. The high is only good enough until the withdrawal hits, and everyone here will agree that heartbreak is one of the roughest withdrawals. Stick with NC I implore you but don't listen to my advice or anyone else's. Trust yourself. If there was any "way" of "winning" back an ex it would be NC for sure. I'm positive there are other ways but NC is tried and true. Best of luck! I feel for you because I was once you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly ann Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 just wondering how long you guys were broken up for, and how long you did NC for? i know its different for everyone but just curious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert013 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 It is time to let this one go. His emotions are starting to show this happened to me up and down. I wasn't with another women though, but my ex is and she did the same thing when we were in LC. Nice one minute then angry and mean the next. Don't stick around. You need to let go and heal and the quickest and also the hardest way is to go NC. That is what I am doing it is hard, but you will start seeing changes and results quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelly ann Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 brent and abby- just reread your posts, and was wondering, did either of you end up getting back together with those exes? If so, when/how/why or why not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brent642 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 no i have not gotten back with the ex gf of mine just yet. mainly because i have made NO initiate to get back together. i figure if she wants me bad enough, and she will, she'll come crawling back...i'm a very very pessimistic person and i am fairly confident from how well i know this girl that she'll come around eventually once the pain gets bad enough... ...i could be completely wrong, but i would bet my life on it that i'm not. only time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kadvati79 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 i'm a very very pessimistic person and ... she'll come around eventually once the pain gets bad enough... ...i could be completely wrong, but i would bet my life on it that i'm not. only time will tell. Sound's pretty optimistic to me mate! I don't think a pessimist would bet their life on anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getbiii Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 i am going thru the same thing kinda, after some time of low to almost no contact, she started sending me texts more and more often saying she loves me that she wants to be with me and that she misses me, to the point that she even called me once crying saying she just wanted to hear my voice. then one day she eve should up at my house crying and trying to kiss me and saying that i complete here and all the other things. then yesterday i ignore her for one day!!! and get nothing but angry texts from her. "hey sorry to bother you, i see your busy with your friends, but i feel weird and thought of talking to you because i have a lot to tell you, but i guess ill just tell you another day, bye." " never mindm i understand its not ok to bother you and you probably dont care about my problems hahaha im an idiot for calling you, its just that i imagined for a second that i could call you, but now i realize that you didnt want to answer and so your friend answered and thats great that you can ignore me, i think i need friends like yours. take care, bye" "sorry i understand that you dont want to nor have a reason why to talk to me, but im losing it. i'll see if i call you when i come back from canada (she is going on march 19 for spring break), i find it easier to forget you now that you are ignoring me, so thanks, and well i sincerly hope everything goes great for you, bye." (thats funny because when i first started the n-c thats what i said to her) "you told me i could talk to you when ever i needed you, and i need you now and you are ignoring me. i hate you" all of theese were like 10 minutes apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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