Some advice please !! Thanks

[kinz143]

Hey just need some advice from some experienced souls out there. I wont bore u with the facts but get down to it.

 

Went out with a girl for 6 months. Both had a lot of love and care for each other. Both happy but she lost the happiness for us and had to move on. In our culture she is getting on and needs to get married. So despite the love she couldnt see past the petty arguments and dramas and ended it. I was heartbroken, so was she probably. I begged and pleaded. She said no. So much so she changed her number, but then gave it to me the next day.

 

It been 2 months since we ended, In that 2 months, I havent spent any time with her. Chatted on/off- but no progress getting back. It been two weeks since we last spoke the longest ever.

 

I changed and stopped calling/texting. Left it. Today I rang her on a private number but chickened out twice!!! and put the phone down.

 

1 minute later she rang ME!!!

 

Does she think Im annoying by prank ringing her? or Was she hoping it was me and wanted to intiate contact?

 

She rang me back straight away and I didnt answer.

 

Last week, she text me, in the middle of night, randomly-

 

"Hi you, hope your ok. Back to work tomo was unwell for a bit but feel better now. What u been up2? Hope you are ok? I know its late so we can catch up tomo if thats ok. Take care love K

 

I replied nicely and did not hear from her since today.

 

Basically can anyone give me insight into how she feeling. IS she testing waters? Is she interested again? Is she annoyed/angry?

Shall I call back tomorrow? I love her with my heart and would love to make her happy. She is a decent person too but didnt feel I was right for her and acted very adamantly and confidently since we split and very maturely.

 

Thanks

[knightNshiningarmor]

if you want this girl then you need to CHILL....let her do some chasing...make it a point to not be the one to innitiate the calls for at least a week...let her call you... you played the pathetic needed guy so you need to relax now if u want a chance to have this work out...know that if u continue this route you will kill any feelings of love she has for you...you will kill it if you do not take control of yourself so...this is what you do...tomorrow you call her from your phone..tell her you saw her call and returning the message...odds are she wont pick up..leave that on her message then let her call you...dont call from a private number thats just sad...if you feel like you must call her...write her a letter then keep it to yourself....if u ever show her it..dont do it as a way to get her back but only when u fully have her

[kinz143]

thanks,,, what do u think she is thinking??

 

I'll obviously ring off my number.....just am so curious to her mindset????

 

Am i being blind and relying on false hope. She wouldnt have text me that though would she if she didnt care. And she made a point of writing love....which she has not done for 2 months!!!!

[knightNshiningarmor]

she is probably thinking your a stalker type but she is also thinking...will anyone love me as much as he does...but you dont want someone to love you for how you treat them...understand this....because if someone loves you simply because how you treat them then its only a matter of time until someone else comes along who will treat them the same way...what you need is a women who loves you for exactly who you are not for what you do for them or make them feel....so convince yourself that she is sick of you because that will put u in the best mindset to get her back if thats what you want...and just go a little distant and make her work...if you chase her she will only run away faster...so here are your options....option A.) you continue your path and you call her tonight and she doesnt pick up..leave some lame message...then you call her again...doesnt pick up..then maybe a text...then she gets home looks at all the messages and thinks...gah he wont leave me alone...and all her possibilites of love are gone...option B.) you dont call her...she comes home expecting to see 3+ missed calls and sees none and she thinks hmm he hasnt called...day 2...she thinks wow i thought he would have called by now...day 3...why hasnt he called... day 4...i wonder if hes seeing someone...day 5 i miss him.. im going to give him a call....

 

so your pick...be warned the damage may be to far gone and option B could just end up that she is thinking finally this guy is done...but stick to option A and your guaranteeing a result that it sounds like you dont want

[BlackOps]

what do u think she is thinking??

 

You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure that out. Like knightNshiningarmor said you need to CHILL. There's a post on here about signs do yourself a favor and look it up. Reading something into every little thing she does or says is a recipe for disaster.

[kinz143]

knightNshiningarmor , i really appreciate ur advice.

 

to be honest today was the 1st day with the private numbering...but that still no excuse.

 

Im gonna call back 2mrw in a really chilled out way.....seeing as though it been 2 weeks of no contact and she did ring today and text last week.

i will keep it short and sweet but try and pique her interest and then go back to relaxing and chilling and wait for her to make the next move.

 

Any tips on what i should say or not say 2mrw?

[Lacere]

Just don't throw away an opportunity to love by trying to be cool. It is worth taking risks to find true love. If she reaches out to you let her know how you feel. There is strenght of character in telling someone how you feel about them so at least if you ever parted it would not be based on misunderstandings. It is always good in my opinion to have clear communication so if she doesn't want to get back together you have to be strong enough to approach her knowing this may or may not be possible. At least you can know you let her know what she meant to you. Is it that she wants commitment, I guess you need to find out why she can't be with you but if she is phoning she would be missing you so try and talk to her.

 

A letter to her writing how you feel would be a nice personal thing to do without coming accross over the top. This is just a caring thing that I hope would be appreciated.

 

All the best, I hope it goes well with you both.

[kinz143]

wow thanks lacere thats a really different approach.

 

surely she knows how i feel from the aftermath of the break up.

 

i text her and emailed her numerously declaring my strong feelings for her and intentions, so she cant need that type of reassurance now.

 

what u guys think?

[alli]

I think you should ask her straight up if she could see you guys ever getting back together again. People find it hard to cut off all contact the moment they break up. That doesn't necessarily mean they intend to get back together again. The only way you will know is by asking her. If she says "no", you can pretty much take it to the bank that it's not going to happen, in which case it would be best for you to go NC. Talking with her will only prolong the healing process.

 

If she says "probably" it's a good sign, though not a guarantee it will happen. With both that answer & "I don't know".. you would probably still want to maintain contact with her for a while. Ask her again in a couple months. If she still doesn't know, it might be best for you to cut off contact & move on.

[knightNshiningarmor]

this might work if it was just after the break up and was the first last and only attempt to get her back...but hes already exhausted his get back with her so now he needs to reset his frame...and the above will not do that...again if u want her back..call her tomorrow and be very nonchalant...and be prepared to get her voice mail..but this is how i would prepare myself "hey i noticed you called and just wanting to return your call" some simple how you been/ up to...something interesting which might be anything starting with "oh did you hear..." and ask her about something you heard or saw that was catching to you. ANd this is important...end it on your time not hers...so before it gets dull and drawn out and your struggling for conversation...tell her..."sorry but i have to get go get ready"...shell ask for what and you tell her your out with some friends or a friend not specific of gender then tell her..take care and sweet dreams"

these little things like sweet dreams...wanting to return your call are little subtleties that say you still care but arent showing weakness at the same time and right now with your pass u need to be subtle..but not be totally complacent.

[kinz143]

so i called her back. managed to catch up for half an hour or so

 

i was bubbly and acted all busy and happy. she seemed quite cool and chilled. we cut reception a few times she called back.

 

she asked me how i am. how family are. how work is. where I been going out.

 

she told me she just seeing family a lot and with friends a lot at her place. her friends are staying with her a lot.

 

on a few issues on life e.g. where to settle down and when to leave her work (she unhappy) she does not know what to do and seems hesistant.

 

she said she tried calling me a few times on private numbers from her home landline past 2 weekends....but i never I answered. I just said I dont answer private numbers.

 

At the end I stupidly said, it been ages since we seen each other. She went quiet and just said yeah I no. We said our byes and she said I can call anytime I want. I said yes u 2.

 

What can i read into this situation guys? Is this just being friends or is there a strong chance of getting back together.

 

She seems heavily occupied and quite confident but Im sure she yearning to be with someone nice. Does she still see me as that one? Or are we over and she is just grieving it? I want her back so much....

 

Please guys constructive advice on what I can read into our phone conversation and what my next steps are would really help me. Thank you again