Anon333 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Here is a dilemma I wonder if others have. Do you ever feel like you are initially attracted to someone, but then you literally see them in different lights, and you kinda think they are not as attractive as you thought....But other times they are just right. Its strange. I dont think I ever know how to meet someone I am attracted to that I can stay attracted to...This has always been an issue with me and dating men. For the most part I have not been attracted to my boyfriends and we have to eventually break up..The person I just started dating, we had some amazing moments of connection with this person, and I felt attracted to him more than anyone in a long time...But then there are moments, like in the morning when I look over at him and think he looks aweful..I know it sounds aweful to say that, but now I wonder if I should be with someone that half the time I am wildly attracted to, and the other half I am kind of repulsed....Yet even besides his looks..I do feel a strong connection with him as a person...Can that connection see through not being attracted to this person...Its so strange..anyone have any similar experience or do I sound crazy? Link to comment
leo_s84 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Yeah i guess it happens. I wasn't really attracted to my most recent ex but when i real got to know her we clicked and i loved her like no other. Other times I've met girls that are good looking, but then i lose interest when i get to know them. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 I know getting to know someone and clicking with them on different levels and being attracted to their personality is important..but the relationship needs physical attraction, otherwise I have a low enough sex drive as it is...So no one has ever met someone who looks amazing to them sometimes and in other lights looks horrible.....Should this tell me to break things off? I dont want to date someone I am not attracted to...even though sometimes I am....Its strange I guess...Im strange.. Link to comment
duppy_conqueror Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 HAHA your not strange your funny! ill bet they think the same about you when they see you in 'bad lighting'. you'll probably outgrow this way of thinking soon enough. like you might have one of those light bulb moments when you dump a loved one because he/she looks bad in certain lights, but then you realise how much you really miss THEM and hey that really sucks bla bla bla. Link to comment
PrincessJOA Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Awww... You probably do like him. I get like that too. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and I'm like 'Oh my god! Arrgghh... We need to have the Fab 5 to perk you up' you know? You won't feel attracted to them physically because in terms of their style and looks, they may not be those ones that you naturally feel more inclined to be attracted to. For instance, I find a sleek looking man, good hair, wears glasses etc really hot. And my SO is nothing like that...in fact, he's probably at the far end of the spectrum lol. so I think because of that discrepancy between my actuality and my ideal sometimes turn me off a bit? But I do love him though... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 i would never date someone i'm not attracted to. gotta have both mental and physical. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Thanks for all your responses...It is still kinda mixed, but it was a relief to hear that at times people are totally turned off by their significant other....But some people look cute when they wake up and their hair is all frazzled and their eyes are groggy...I mean, they dont look their best, but I could still look at them and think, awww, "what a cute mess"....Anyway....This guy I am with, I was like.."yikes, how could I have ever thought he was cute?"..haha....But then when I see him at night if we go out I'm thinking..."Stay away ladies, he's mine"...Isnt that weird? Do I have multiple personalities? Or does he morph into someone different in the morning..... Because of this, I have kinda changed my mind about wanting to date him long term....I hope I dont sound totally shallow..But so many of my relationships went wrong because the attraction factor wasnt there.....Right now I am still attracted to him because we get along and sometimes he looks great to me....But when our personalities start to wear on eachother, maybe he will just always look horrible like I see him in the morning.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 why is that shallow? having a preference is knowing yourself. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 thanks ghost69....I've always had trouble knowing who I was attracted to though...Im not attracted to too many guys...I dont like "pretty boys", and I dont like guys who spend too much time on their looks or who are too muscular and have to workout all the time...I pretty much like average type guys that just naturally have a good looking face...Moreso babyface looking..I dont care if they have a beer belly..actually I prefer a little bit chubby rather than too skinny....ANyway....I know this sounds not too picky, but there are a limited amount of people like this, and even fewer I could meet who are single... Another thing..Not to toot my own horn...I dont know my level of attractiveness, but I have friends and even ex boyfriends that tell me how attractive I am..I try not to take them seriously because I dont feel that way most of the time, but, one even told me if I date someone it better be the best looking dude in town.....So now maybe I sound shallow...But I dont think I have EVER dated anyone that I felt like "wow, I want to jump his bones right now" ..Well maybe I felt that way about the guy Im hanging out with when I saw him in the evening..But now he looks kinda horrible when I see him...So I am crazy....huh Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 still not shallow anon. go for what you want, i don't care what anyone tells you. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I've been there. You're attracted but repulsed. Totally have been there. I don't like feeling repulsed in a relationship, ever. So I dumped those guys. Now I'm alone but I refuse to settle anymore. Link to comment
Rosee Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I have had that same thing come to think of it (it more makes me worry about what they are thinking about me!) But yeah I have looked over at boyfriends who I was crazy about and sometimes thought how cute they were, other times that they looked quite ugly, lol. Actually I also have brief periods where I feel repulsed by the idea of a man..the first time I felt like that was when I was about 5, and this little boy was being all nice to me and he was a good looking little boy and he just made me feel sick. Now I know a lot of kids think the opposite sex are gross at that age, lol but sometimes I still feel that! For some reason the 2nd date is when I feel turned off by a person who I was previously lusting after but I just ignore it and it goes away..I think I am weirder than you by far anon, lol. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I think its because we chose to settle b/c we were lonely. So when we're with the guy, sometimes we're happy b/c we have someone but at other times we know he really isn't the one we want and we can't force ourselves to feel that way about him. Link to comment
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