kevinm Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 I'm so sick of on-line dating it's not even funny. For over a year now I've been active on various sites. I've set up dates, gone out, met some cool people and some not so cool. I've spent a lot of money, time, and effort trying to find that special someone. I feel as though I will never find anyone. And just as I resign myself to the land of hermits what happens? The first girl I date over a year ago comes back into my life... and oh how I've missed her. Here's the thing though, we are 3K miles away. It was the time/distance that stopped up before and that is what still stops us. Before I was not willing to give up my career to pursue her. I felt our relationship at the time was not strong enough for me to move accross the country to be with her, considering her lack of commitment. So we parted ways last spring. But now I feel this is some kind of sign... the fact that I'm giving up on internet dating and at the same time this old flame re-igniting. Now I'm just confused. Do I roll the dice or stay put and focus on my career? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Welcome back to ENA, old friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve33 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 I think online dating is worthless for men. There are way more men online, and not all of the women online even want to date. Some women to get a self esteem boost just want 100 responses in a day, and have no desire to date anyone. Women also dont "need" to do online dating, like some men do. LIke shy men, who are too afraid to approach women. So many women online do online dating with a huge laundry list of requirements, to find "perfection" as you can't do a laundry list with some guy who approaches you in public. As temping as online dating might seem, especially if you happen to be shy, online dating works for women, not men. THe numbers are really bad. Too many women, not all of them want to date, and many have unrealistic expectations when they do the online thing, but wouldn't be so picky in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrawg Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 You're the only one who can make that decision. It depends on how important this girl is to you, and if you think you can build a future together. My exh and I uprooted ourselves to be together-I moved 3000 miles to California so we could be together. We're divorced now, but I still love California and couldn't imagine living anyplace else. So, take that into account too-whether or not you think you could be happy in the town where she lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattyg50 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 my advice if you want to take it, if you feel right with this girl,no job, money, anyrthing is worth it, go for it! if you love her and can make it work the rest will come , dont doubt, act fast, the worst is to think back and ask what if??/ if it doesnt work out, move back, dude i would go for it. i am a strong believer in sighns!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinm Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Thanks everyone. A little background for those who don't know.... this woman I was crazy about. She's successful, sexy, educated, similar morals, etc, etc. She's a complete package. There was a time where the plan was for me to move. BUT... she could not give me any assurance, no commitment. So I was suppose to give up my career, sell my house, move myself 3K miles away so I could rent a place near her and we could date. That's what she wanted. I wanted a commitment, a place to land, I wanted to leave here and move into her home. B/c she was unwilling to take that next step, I saw no reason to continue our LDR. And now I'm suppose to do the same thing??? Do I demand the commitment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve33 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Thanks everyone. A little background for those who don't know.... this woman I was crazy about. She's successful, sexy, educated, similar morals, etc, etc. She's a complete package. There was a time where the plan was for me to move. BUT... she could not give me any assurance, no commitment. So I was suppose to give up my career, sell my house, move myself 3K miles away so I could rent a place near her and we could date. That's what she wanted. I wanted a commitment, a place to land, I wanted to leave here and move into her home. B/c she was unwilling to take that next step, I saw no reason to continue our LDR. And now I'm suppose to do the same thing??? Do I demand the commitment? I can't imagine a woman respecting you if you were prepared to drop your life completely for someone that you weren't even in a relationship. She would view you as being absolutely desperate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Thanks everyone. A little background for those who don't know.... this woman I was crazy about. She's successful, sexy, educated, similar morals, etc, etc. She's a complete package. There was a time where the plan was for me to move. BUT... she could not give me any assurance, no commitment. So I was suppose to give up my career, sell my house, move myself 3K miles away so I could rent a place near her and we could date. That's what she wanted. I wanted a commitment, a place to land, I wanted to leave here and move into her home. B/c she was unwilling to take that next step, I saw no reason to continue our LDR. And now I'm suppose to do the same thing??? Do I demand the commitment? I was in a similar situation but being the gal. Were you dating in the same town and she moved or were you always long distance? If you were always long distance, you have to start from square one when you are in the same town - step back a bit, take her out for dates like a new girlfriend, etc. you would do the same thing if she was in your town now to get requainted. It is a shock being so many miles away then suddenly being there for both parties. She really cannot promise you a commitment right now other than that you both will continue exploring what you started. If its right, then the relationship will naturally move along a little more quickly, you both will only date eachother, but don't expect to be engaged the first month you get there. Also there is a tendency to be clingy when you are the one who moves, so make sure to get lined up witha job or get ready to spend time jobhunting there and develop friends also. I recommend not living together immediately either. It is a leap of faith, of course, having no commitment but some risks are meant to be taken...that is if you want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crosstownTraffic Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Gosh Kevin, I can see moving accross country to be with this gal, but couldn't she at least rent you a room to stayin while you are getting a job? I mean, really.. this does seem very risky to me for you, if all you are going to do is casually date to see if things work out. Now I'm a little confused. You said you date in real life, correct? So.. you've already met each other and maybe have been romantic, (not my business) you don't have to disclose that. But to move cross-country with no job lined up and no place to stay.. well, that's a big risk to take on.. Does she at least know a friend who'd put you up so you are not like living in a hotel room until you get on your feet. you see my point? I have no problem with LDR, cuz I've had one and I really was into the guy... it's just not having a place to lay your head that bothers me. Hope that helps, and all the best luck to you and your lady Kevin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crosstownTraffic Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Okay, I have now read your thread Kevin. I wouldn't be selling my house unless she wants to make a solid commitment with you. You could rent out your house, but I think for her to expect you to rent a house, sell yours, etc.. etc.. seems yeah. rather unreasonable. I don't blame you for quibbling about that. Like I said before, could she rent out a room to you... or find you a nice place to rent meanwhile.. I mean, if she really desires a LTR then I think she needs to put your needs first.. not have everything just for her satisfaction. I dunno what to say other than that... Can she not come and visit you before you make this huge move in your life? You can see if you are both on the same page at least.. and that might lead to a more solid commitment on her part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busto Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 online dating works for women, not men. That equation doesn't add up. The lucky women you refer to meet men, don't they? They're not lesbians? So if it works for 100 women, it works for 100 men. The number of successful dates leading to relationships is thereforee equal among the sexes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thalor Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 I think the point is that a lot more men are on dating sights than women. Let's say there are 150 men and 100 women. If all of the women get a date then there are still 50 men who didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutley Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 The ratio on meat market sites (match, yahoo etc) is 60% men, 40% women. There are more women on eHarmony though (last I heard). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve33 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 I think the point is that a lot more men are on dating sights than women. Let's say there are 150 men and 100 women. If all of the women get a date then there are still 50 men who didn't. Exactly. And the numbers of men are higher than that, and not all the women online want to date at all. There is a significant chunk that just wants a self esteem boost from geting 20-50 emails in a day. I personally know women that if they want to feel better about themselves, and even have boyfriends, they put up an ad just to get 50 responses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinm Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 This is a very negative outlook on on-line dating. While I am frustrated at the whole thing, I still advocate on-line dating. I feel there are genuine people out there trying to make a connection. So don't get me wrong... The funny thing is you made no attempt to consider or respond to my situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinm Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 I can't imagine a woman respecting you if you were prepared to drop your life completely for someone that you weren't even in a relationship. She would view you as being absolutely desperate. Now in this post you maybe... I don't know... realize you didn't address my original concern so you come up with this response. Okay, I'm picking on you Steve33, so forgive me, but were you paying attention? This woman, is the same woman. Yes I have met her, I've met her parents, we've had lots of sex, etc. So it's not like I don't have a history with her. Clearly she has thought of me as well, having contacted me months after break-up and not talking. So how would she view me as being desperate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinm Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thank you for a THOUGHTFUL response Yeah... I don't know. It's just a lot of "stuff" for me to give up for just a chance. I realize there are no guarantees in life. But to me, if the situation were reversed, and she wanted to move here, then I would invite her to move in with me. Sigh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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