xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Hi guys, A bit of back story - my ex broke up with me on Christmas Eve of 2006. It's been almost 2 years, and in that time I've moved on, moved town, and started a whole new life and am really happy now. With my life, and with myself as a person. I needed that breakup because I needed to change, I did, into a much better person and now, life couldn't be better. On the other hand, he has changed into a complete bonehead with no trace of the sweet guy I once knew left in him at all. He has turned into a dropkick - always drinking, always getting smashed, 15 girls around him all the time, uncouth, lives for the next party, and the next bottle of booze, etc. Whereas before, he wouldn't drink, he was so shy, he was a nice kid, quiet, hated parties, etc etc. Recently though, he has been in my dreams a few times. The most recent, (and most disturbing) was last night. We were back together, and he was back to the perfect guy he used to be. Everything was back to "normal" - it was exactly as it had always been, it was like nothing had happened. I spent most of the dream wrapped up in his arms, and it felt soooo good. Nothing mattered in his arms, all my worries disappeared and for moments, time just stood still, and everything was perfect. It was no different in my dream last night. There were *very* brief instances in the dream when I was in his arms that I thought things like "Why am I doing this after all he put me through" and "You're just gonna let him walk back in?" but in the dream I pushed those thoughts away. I have completely moved on, and I am happy without him. I don't want him back - I don't even like the person he is now. I'm just wondering why recently he has been in my dreams like this, and especially last nights - about getting back together. If anyone has any opinions, I'd be glad to hear them. Thanks for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 That guy sorta sounds like me. I hope i dont change like that if my girlfriend broke up with me. With you thinking about him and how he's changed. It's not a big stretch to be dreaming about him to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 The before or after sounds like you? He did the breaking up and he did the changing. Which is weird. You would expect a change like that if I had dumped him I guess, but not the other way around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wmast Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 I'm wondering if maybe you are just longing for for a relationship or some sort of new flame. Would you happen to be in a relationship now or have you been in a relationship since the end of this one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 I'm wondering if maybe you are just longing for for a relationship or some sort of new flame. Would you happen to be in a relationship now or have you been in a relationship since the end of this one? You make a good point actually. No, I'm not in a relationship now, nor have I been since this one ended. I have had the opportunity, with a couple of guys, but the timing was wrong, one guy was my friend's ex, etc. I've recently met a guy that I work with that I have a bit of a crush on, but other than that, there hasn't really been any other guys. I think you may be right. I was thinking that myself as I was typing the thread - maybe I am just wishing for something new, but it was my ex in the dream because he is the only relationship I've had, and thereforee I associate everything with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asmithee123 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 That's probably a large factor why he still pops up into your head. Its not like you can ever forget him he was part of your life. I think when you do get into another relationship, something that is good, perhaps even with the guy you will eventually marry - only then will you stop associating things with him. I've had that problem too, for me its been almost a year and I've dated guys here and there and for the most part, I have moved on in terms of healing, making myself happy and working on improving my life but I still think of my ex, he will come up in my dreams or thoughts. Its normal until you meet someone that really can replace him in terms of the significance in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shmily_04 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I have to agree with what is being said. After being broken up with my ex for about a year, I find myself often lately (could it be bc the yr anniversary is coming up) thinking about him and the times we shared. I even had the same dream as you where we were back together and everything felt right. In the dream I knew it was weird that I was with him again. I think if you are in a serious relationship and then you two break up, you will always think of that person because that is the last person you had those feelings with. Especially before you have another serious relationship. Hopefully that will change when I meet someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1guygirl Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 hey butterfly...i remember ya! im hitting a 2 year anniversary too...and ive had the odd dream bout ex (cept mine arnt as pleasant! lol). i think to loose someone when its out of your control ie them doing the breaking, takes longer to grieve and dreams latch on to this longing of the guy we once loved and miss. even if we are over them we can still have the subconscious idealizing the mr perfect of our exs, to acknowledge that we wanted *that* man, miss *that* side of a relationship, and want *that* in our lives again deep down, though not necessarily the very same man. dreams are weird huh... the fact you wake up and not want him back and see him for the pathetic loser that hes become is a clear sign youre basically healed and are on the other side, enjoying the great life that you deserve. long may it continue for you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert013 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I still have dreams about my sons mother sometimes. We haven't been together in 8 years. They are always good dreams about happy memories or places. I think the saying goes that we never forget about the ones we love or loved. I don't think about her at all anymore and i moved on over 7 years ago. We are friendly and I see her when we exchange my son, but we do not hang out and our conversations are never longer than 5 ot 10 minutes. I cannot control my dreams, so I think it just means we still care for them even though we are not in love with them or want to get back together with them we still love them. Be happy that they are good dreams even though he changed for the worse when you two were together he was a good person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted November 6, 2008 Author Share Posted November 6, 2008 That's probably a large factor why he still pops up into your head. Its not like you can ever forget him he was part of your life. I think when you do get into another relationship, something that is good, perhaps even with the guy you will eventually marry - only then will you stop associating things with him. I've had that problem too, for me its been almost a year and I've dated guys here and there and for the most part, I have moved on in terms of healing, making myself happy and working on improving my life but I still think of my ex, he will come up in my dreams or thoughts. Its normal until you meet someone that really can replace him in terms of the significance in your life. Thanks for your reply. I think you're right. Totally right. It feels good to hear someone else say it, rather than thinking it and wondering if I'm right, hehe. I have to agree with what is being said. After being broken up with my ex for about a year, I find myself often lately (could it be bc the yr anniversary is coming up) thinking about him and the times we shared. I even had the same dream as you where we were back together and everything felt right. In the dream I knew it was weird that I was with him again. I think if you are in a serious relationship and then you two break up, you will always think of that person because that is the last person you had those feelings with. Especially before you have another serious relationship. Hopefully that will change when I meet someone new. Thanks for your reply. You are so right. I hope we both meet someone new soon hey butterfly...i remember ya! im hitting a 2 year anniversary too...and ive had the odd dream bout ex (cept mine arnt as pleasant! lol). i think to loose someone when its out of your control ie them doing the breaking, takes longer to grieve and dreams latch on to this longing of the guy we once loved and miss. even if we are over them we can still have the subconscious idealizing the mr perfect of our exs, to acknowledge that we wanted *that* man, miss *that* side of a relationship, and want *that* in our lives again deep down, though not necessarily the very same man. dreams are weird huh... the fact you wake up and not want him back and see him for the pathetic loser that hes become is a clear sign youre basically healed and are on the other side, enjoying the great life that you deserve. long may it continue for you.... Hey 1guygirl Dreams *are* weird, aren't they? I think everyone here is right - in that it's not necessarily the ex I am longing for and missing, it is possibly just the relationship. Which is true. I don't miss *him* in particular (although sometimes I do) but I miss having someone always there, and I miss having my best friend around to talk to about *anything*. And now since I'm living on my own, when I come home from work late at night, I just wish there was someone to cuddle up to in bed, you know? I haven't been cuddled like that for almost 2 years now and that's huge - cuddles are my thing! And I guess I just associate all that with him because he's been the only one, and the last one that I've had those sorts of feelings for. Thanks so much! I hope things are going well for you I still have dreams about my sons mother sometimes. We haven't been together in 8 years. They are always good dreams about happy memories or places. I think the saying goes that we never forget about the ones we love or loved. I don't think about her at all anymore and i moved on over 7 years ago. We are friendly and I see her when we exchange my son, but we do not hang out and our conversations are never longer than 5 ot 10 minutes. I cannot control my dreams, so I think it just means we still care for them even though we are not in love with them or want to get back together with them we still love them. Be happy that they are good dreams even though he changed for the worse when you two were together he was a good person. Thanks for your reply. I think you may be right too. Gosh I love this place. I can put up a thread feeling so confused, and come back and see replies and I feel sooooo much better! And just an update guys - last night I had a similar dream to the one I had the other night. Except the guy in it, *wasn't* my ex. It was a total random. I guess that is a good sign! Hehehe. Thanks everyone for reading and replying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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