He went and visited my mom?!

[babysunshine]

We dated four years, broke up in February. Have been "friends" ever since, with me of course still in love with him. I have moved on in the way where I would not get back together with him, am focused on my life and am interested in other people. I still hold a place in my heart for him but not in an unhealthy way anymore. Anyways.....

 

This weekend he was back in our home town (neither of us lives there anymore) to go to some halloween parties and just vacation. I talked to him Yesterday and he mentioned he was dropping off our mutual friend at the airport, and I jokingly said "You should go visit my mom!)" Just as a joke because my mom lives right near there. Throughout our relationship he was very close with my family, lived with us for about two months at one point. But since the breakup has not seen them since. I actually told him I didnt wat himm to keep in touch with them because it would hinder my healing and also I am a true believer that if you break up with someone you lose the privilege of having their family as well.

 

So today I call my mom and she wasnt answering , so I called my stepdad who at first said she was taking a business call but then ultimately said "we have a visitor.... it's ****". I am shocked and dont know really what to feel. My mom still hasnt called me back so that means that my ex is still there catching up or whatever he is doing. Is it my fault because I joked he should stop by my house?? Im irritated and angry at myself but considering I have made it very clear over the past nine months not to contact my family Im mad that he went there. and I can't lie.... my mind is racing at the thought of what they are talking about. I meanit's been probably three hours that he's been there! Is the fact that Im so distressed about this mean im not quite as healed as I thought????? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[sedated]

Hey sunshine. I think the uncertainty you're feeling right now is not entirely due to having leftover feelings for your ex. If you knew someone who you were on uneasy terms with went to see your folks, it's natural for you to expect the worst and wonder about what dirt they might be digging up on you.

 

Also, many of us see our family as separate from the cares and concerns of the outside world, hence the distinction in many gangster movies between "business" and "family". I'm guessing your boyfriend used to be in that circle of trust that included your family members before you broke up with him. So, his attempt to pass that boundary would be understandably unsettling for you.

 

Take it from me though, you definitely don't sound like someone who is still hanging at their ex's every word hoping against hope to be taken back. I think we will all hold a place in our heart for the people that really mattered to us regardless of how those relationships end. So all in all, it sounds to me like you're very close to your family and pay a lot of attention to those "boundaries" that I mentioned.

 

I really hope you found something useful in my post =D