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I can't make up my mind about my religion.


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Ever since I was about 13 (almost 20 now) I've flirted with paganism. I read all I can about it, own books about it, when I was younger I practiced in secret. I was raised Protestant (Presbyterian.) I have a couple fanatical Christian friends and I have a hard time believing everything christianity tells you to believe. I can't believe there is a devil or that god punishes us. And even after all these years I still think about becoming pagan, because I respect the beliefs. However, I do believe in Jesus and think there is a God and a heaven, and he is most powerful, but I also believe in a Mother Earth figure. Is it possible to be both christian and pagan?

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We have a policy here against religious discussion for the sake of religious discussion and your question is pretty close to the line.

 

For what it is worth, I don't think you have to accept every facet of a religious belief to subscribe to that religion. So if you feel you strongly identify with parts of a particular religion, the fact that you have some alternate beliefs on other components shouldn't preclude your subscription to that religion.

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We have a policy here against religious discussion for the sake of religious discussion and your question is pretty close to the line.

 

For what it is worth, I don't think you have to accept every facet of a religious belief to subscribe to that religion. So if you feel you strongly identify with parts of a particular religion, the fact that you have some alternate beliefs on other components shouldn't preclude your subscription to that religion.

 

I'm so sorry! I definitely won't post on the topic again.

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I'm so sorry! I definitely won't post on the topic again.

 

It's not a problem, i have left the thread open because you have a personal issue at the heart of it. Just want you to be aware though the thread may be closed at some point if it becomes a religious discussion.

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I don't believe in any single idea of a formalized religion. I've found many different aspects of many different religions that relate to how I feel.

 

In turn, I believe in my own religion called "Staveandor-ism". (normally, "staveandor" is my first name, but for the sake of anonymity, I'll use my user name.

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I think their all cults. Your better off just believing in God, or not.

 

Weird. Today I had someone leave a 2 page of judgement day papers on my car. Something that made no sense at all. It was thrown away, but it was in several languages and saying things that just made no sense. So some people just create their own beliefs.

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Ever since I was about 13 (almost 20 now) I've flirted with paganism. I read all I can about it, own books about it, when I was younger I practiced in secret. I was raised Protestant (Presbyterian.) I have a couple fanatical Christian friends and I have a hard time believing everything christianity tells you to believe. I can't believe there is a devil or that god punishes us. And even after all these years I still think about becoming pagan, because I respect the beliefs. However, I do believe in Jesus and think there is a God and a heaven, and he is most powerful, but I also believe in a Mother Earth figure. Is it possible to be both christian and pagan?

 

Here is what I know and believe about God.

 

I cant handle my own emotions or the course of my life with certainty. I cant handle loss. I cant handle change. I dont like to let go. I dont like to support myself. I dont like when things dont go my way. I could find the positives, but then I just fight and force myself to think a certain way that I really dont. I dont want a forced happiness when I really see pain. So....the only way I can deal is by giving the outcome to God. "Whatever is God's will" is what I say. I stop focusing on myself and transfer my goals to his goals. It makes me less emotional, panic less, I feel closer to God despite what happens in my life and most of all, I resist life less and TRULY learn from it.

 

God uses everything. Once you give the course of your life to God, you really are just walking on a blind path between you and Him. All you have is faith.

 

What can block you from God letting Him use you for bigger purposes and meaning in this world is bitterness. Why did this happen to me? I help myself by thinking "God uses everything." I dont know why it happened- I just know God will use it.

 

I found that when I didnt want to obey God, I went to the oppose extreme. I rebelled I guess and found freedom through casual sex- thought I could find myself by trying out different avenues. I ended up losing my value of self with others. I looked to the world and to imperfect people for my happiness. Even just accepting myself didnt work. I needed God's grace and unconditional love. The more I believed in it, the better off I was and the more my morals came back to me where I wasnt unintentionally harming myself by unhealthily depending on outside resources for answers.

 

Now-- you dont believe in the devil.

 

Let me share an experience.

 

I was demonically possessed for a while. It first started as panic attacks. Then, it became something freaky.

 

It would take over me at school and I felt like this urge to let something out constantly. So I would close the door an dlet my body and mind freak out. It looked like hate and rage and I felt HORRIBLE inside.I felt like it always wanted to take ove rme. I had never been that way before.

 

So I went to a therapist. She told me she was a christian. She said when I started crying, she noticed a change in me. Like something had taken over me. I got really heavy and...well....

 

I didnt believe that at first. Although to two other people, it looked like possession to them as well. my mom included. i got extremely hostile towards her too. also I took two scary photos that i delete and never want to see again but it's the scariest, angriest face ive ever made while going through this...it just wasnt me. i cant describe it. once i videotaped myself and a voice from within said "What?" and laughed, as i looked at the camera, my eyes widening.

 

But what happened was one day I started to read the bible. I just started reading randomly...and when I got to a phrase, my body shrank back and i felt an inner screaming, my head involuntarily turned away from it. It was so weird and freaky.

 

Everytime I opened the bible it would always be the section about possession and Jesus that came up. Also freaky.

 

Then, one night. I decided not to just pray to jesus, not to just plead to him. I decided to open my heart to him. Emotionally. Now this was tough. But my feet actually started shaking and my head as well. My stomach lifted and I felt a force, almost like air, leaving my stomach as if a door opened from inside. I first felt a tearing from my heart, like pain was all I had. And I hurt. But then I kept opening my heart to Jesus and it was all warm, and I was more healed.

 

I still do this. I stll open my heart and praise him. I lay there and it takes out all the bad stuff. Im not completely healed, but the more I live by believing in him, the better I do emotionally and psycholocially. It saved my life...because I was losing it. Now I know why.

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Honestly, it can be interpreted however you want it to be. There are many things which can be taken literally, figureitively or just completely ignored from the bible.

 

Do you believe that Earth is 6000 years old? Do you believe that Adam and Eve were the first two people. Do you believe that there was no evolution, that Jesus rose from the dead. Do you believe that ancient Greek religion is wrong, how about Hinduism, Buddhism, Norse mythology, etc...

 

It's impossible to say which interpretation of religion is right, and which is wrong. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just too stubborn to let go of the idea that they're 100% right.

 

As to what I believe? I'm an atheist, but I don't claim to know it for a fact, I just thought long and hard about it, and no form of religion really made any sense to me.

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