(Redone): Someone help me

[BNelley35]

My ex and I split up around New Years. This was the third time, and to me at the time the LAST. I couldn't stand her anymore. I love the girl so much, she's my first kiss etc...but it always felt like I was giving 70% while she gave 30%. Well since then there are times where she sends me texts/IMs etc...I respond as vaguely as possible, but it is really REALLY getting to me. I actually like when she sends the, I'll even put my phone on my desk in school to wait for them. She's not the most beautiful girl in the world, I could do better, but something about her I just 'need'. People say you don't need anyone, but I yearn for this girl everyday. These texts dont help, and I know shes not the girl to ever come crawling back to me. Everyday I think about her and if I see her in school it literally hurts my stomach. SERIOUSLY Why cant it just work out? Why does she need to hide her feelings .... I won't ever bring up a relationship with her ever again unless she does. What gets me even more sad is I have college next year (She'll be a junior) so I may never see her again after this year.

 

- Today this girl I've been talking to (pretty good looking) hugs me, and I notice her walking right down the hall looking, I didn't make eye contact with her though, but I know she saw it (is this good?).

- Why do I still care? It's ruining my life ...

- She has her soph hop coming up, and her b-day is Wednesday too, should I wish her happy birthday? If so how?

- What the heck do I do with these texts?

- I walked into library today and she was there, I knew I had to get out of there as soon as possible, but I just couldnt do it, we ended up chit chatting here and there (didnt help)

 

-IM me at b35jnelley if you have any advice, or are dealign with similar stuff...

[routerx]

There's no info in your post. Did she break up with you?

 

If she dumped you, then I wouldn't respond to her.

If she has ethical or moral problems, I also would not respond to her.

 

If either of those are true...

 

Tell her she can't have her cake and eat it too. Sounds like she may be taking you for granted and not treating you as you deserve.

[rich_1517]

If you want her back then skip the games they tell you. Try the direct approach. She may be playing games with you because shes lonely etc, since she knows you care you are an easy target for an ego boost. Set boundaries, if she broke it off, ask her "im confused you keep sending me messages, is everything ok?". this may make her get defensive and stop bugging you or she may say she just likes talking to you or she may tell you something of value (maybe). The point is get her to say why she is still contacting you after the break up. If shes done and it hurts then i would tell her to please lay off for a while you move on. I nkow it hurts believe me.

 

If you want to get her back use "the treatment" see getting her back "no contact".

 

FYI: i am going through the same thing and the no contact is working... but it has left me wondering as well why she is calling me, just lonely, etc. and i am about to pull the plug on it one way or the other. You need to set what is comfortable for you.

[Tinkerbell]

Hmm, if you're still in love with her I doubt you were the one who ended it, and if this is the case she might be regretting her decision. Perhaps she's hoping that by initiating conversations it'll give you the impression she wants to get back together since she has too much pride to admit it. However, it could be the complete opposite. She's totally over you and thinks that since she's no longer in love you guys can re-build a friendship, which obviously won't work if you have such strong feelings for her.

[rich_1517]

Whoa tiger, the first thing. sllloooowwww the mind down. stay away from your computer for a day, go for walks, excerise, hang out with friends. GET IT OFF YOUR MIND! for a little while. you cannot, you will not make any sense of this in your current state.

 

Try to go outside and breath in (through your stomach, meaning extend your stomach as you breath in, then slowly exhale all the way out, then two normal breaths, do it again. calm your mind young jedi)

 

It is always hard to tell reality from our obsessed mind and IMPOSIBLE to make good decisions. You must let go enough to be clear that there were two people in this relationship who are now making their own decisions (whatver they may be) you only have control of yours. To understand her you must be calmer and focused. know what you want and able to guage the impact of what thoses wants may have (on you).

 

In short do nothing until you can live with whatever you do after you do it.