Anon333 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 This is a follow up to a post I wrote a few days ago about hanging out with a new guy from work, but then meeting his friend and not being able to get his friend out of my head. So last time I wrote..I had only kissed this new guy and stayed over his house in his bed, with only kissing and sleeping. He is taking htings slow, but now I want to hault things. The reason being that his friend I met briefly will not leave my mind....So everyone on the forum told me to break things off with the guy Im hanging out with now, it is not fair to him that I am leading him on if I like his friend more. I just feel like Im walking on thin ice.... New developement. I hdnt seen his friend since the night I saw him once. So I wasnt sure if the connection was really there or if it was mutual. So I gathered up all my courage and went to his work. I was a nervous wreck, but there was still a really great connection between us. I dont know what it is. He is not the most attractive person, but there is something about him I just cant let go and cant stop thinking about. Before I left, he gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever want to hang out... But he knows his friend and I are kinda just getting to know eachother. Tonight his friend who I have gone out with and kissed a couple of times, invited me to hang out with a couple people. He put his arm around me and was acting girlfriend/boyfriendish...I want to get out of this situation. I feel it is starting to get messy...His friends already know me as the girl their friend likes, and they assume I feel the same way (I made the first move on the kiss). Im so bad at being honest or hurting people's feelings. And I dont know to what extent his friend even likes me....I keep planning on telling him I just want to be friends, but we havent really even been able to talk about what is developing in the first place..You know...one of those talks...I am so shy as it is.....Can anyone tell me what they would do in this situation. I really want to hang out and get to know his friend more than anyone...Im trying so hard to be cautious...Because I really like both of these guys for who they are...I am starting to look like a player or something, going behind his back and getting his friend's number...that is soooo not me..I have not had sex since last year......help? Link to comment
Ammy Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I appreciate it's hard to break things off with someone, even after a few dates, but from your post it doesn't sound like you really "like" guy 1 (the one you are sorta dating)... It sounds like you think he's nice but there's no more to it than that - is that right? If so maybe it's nicer to just be honest with him, rather than string it along? If you really don't see a future relationship with guy 1 then I would say you have to bring it to an end sooner rather than later. As others have told me, it's okay to date a few guys at once, but once it gets to the girlfriend / boyfriend stage and more physically intimate, you need to make your decision. I think what makes it messier is it is 2 friends, so you have to tread really carefully and make your decision much quicker. Truly I would prefer someone to tell me straight out they're not interested than string me on and get my hopes up - so as awful as it feels letting someone down, it's better to do that for both parties in the long run. Ammy Link to comment
Anon333 Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 thanks amy..that makes alot of sense. its difficult, because if it werent for his friend I'd probably be content getting to know this guy and maybe be excited about where things might lead. I am such a wishy washy person, and have always kind of ended up in relationships I wasnt sure of. Since I moved cross country I havent made any friends up until now. Meeting this new guy has been great. But I really regret telling him I like him and kissing him. I want to be his friend so much, but I know I have to just let him know I dont want to go any further with things. I've never been good at that and we work together so it will be even harder. I dont know. I also dont know what his friend thinks of me. I know he gave me his number and told me to call if I want to hang out. Is he treading lightly as well because he knows Im hanging out with his friend who really likes me. I wish they werent friends, because otherwise Id feel better just dating and getting to know the both of them. I really dont know if Im just crazy and like people Im not with and then lose my crush on them when I start hanging out. Because I really did have a crucsh on this first guy in the beginning..and now it is his friend.... Link to comment
Ammy Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 In the past I have had few options, only ever met one guy I like and that MAY like me every 6 months at most.. so I dedicated all my time to one person and invested all my hopes in them... It meant I acted a bit desperate (unfortunately) and hence made me appear not so attractive... Now I have a few different interests at any one time - I don't know why but suddenly I am much more attractive to men?! And now my dilemma is as yours is - which one?! The thing is, for me, the one who always stands out, tends to be the one who plays hardest to get - why?! Not necessarily the right person for me.. So I too am like you, I find it hard to know whether I just like someone until I can have them ie. only like the "treat em mean keep em keen" guys or whether I really like the person.. If that makes sense... But I try and be rational and weigh up what it is about the person that makes me like them.... Can you think of the reasons you are attracted to guy 1 and guy 2.. maybe try and objectively figure out what the plus and minuses are?? You may still be able to be friends with guy 1 even if you reject him as long as you do it carefully. I would also think you might need to be a little discrete and slow moving with guy 2 if you want less friction / hard feelings with guy 1? If you really like guy 2, go for it, but just explain that you don't want to hurt his friends feelings perhaps and that is why you want to tread carefully? I don't know if that made any sense lol but I hope it does! Ammy Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 You cannot assume that the guy you like is interested in dating you - all you know is that he is interested in hanging out and hooking up - that could be because he feels uncomfortable dating someone his friend likes or because he's not interested in dating you, so whatever you decide cannot be based on any expectation of dating your "crush". You created this situation, so it is your obligation, in my opinion, to resolve it in a way that is fair to these two guys. I would tell guy number one that you're not interested in dating him (I know, it's hard, but essential), and leave it to him whether he wants to be friends with you. If you want to call your "crush" to "hang out", go ahead, but don't be surprised if you get a lukewarm response despite the chemistry you believe is there. Link to comment
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