Beoslasher Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I have a literary response portfolio due on thurs., on 2 authors/poets and I'm picking T.S Eliot as one as I thoroughly enjoy his work so I wrote this piece for it! Any constructive criticisms would be so so appreciated!!! As I want it to be really good! "I Don't Want to Grow Old" I don't want to grow old for fear of being alone for fear of trousers rolled. So lets go then you and I we can race against time and we will survive. I have measured out my life in smaller spoons heard that music from a distant room I don't want to wiggle on a wall until I fall. I have seen my love in gown and felt her touch upon my brow But, true love is when time goes thus time ignores my woes. I don't want to grow old I didn't mean to deny the age like Simon, thus called peter denied three times in one day I am innocent I say, only man. So, I squeezed our universe in a ball conformed it until it was small and held it tight so it wouldn't fall feeling so tall, holding that ball And you began to question me and wondering oh so lovingly where it was that I might go what shall become, when we grow old It's impossible to say just what I mean! I can't describe my age to thee! I am not comfortable with such things please let us lay, put my nerves to ease So you began to walk away, what was dark, was light today you fade away, or were you a shadow. A dream so many years So I begin to walk the beach, Do I dare eat a peach? mermaids gawking at the scene I don't feel comfortable with these things And shall I wear my trousers rolled, is this a step in growing old? I have to learn to face these days, times not nice, I'll fade away So, I watch the waves, begin to think life goes by in a blink. I blink my eyes and walk away I think I should just live today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 You're so good at that! Great job I'd change a couple of words, but that's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beoslasher Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 Thank you very much!!! What words did you think needed changed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I'll get back to you on that. Braindead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I absolutely loves it! Just another masterpiece from you. Its becoming a regular occuarance now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beoslasher Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 I absolutely loves it! Just another masterpiece from you. Its becoming a regular occuarance now! Your too kind Though I am touched =P. all i did was take some lines from his poem so thank TS Eliot =P. Thanks a lot Broken that made my day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Im glad i made your day deary. You deserve it. I honestly ment it though, you really do have a talent for writing. Have a fantastic dayy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Actually, I think just wiggle could be a different word, unless I'm not understanding it right. I love the rhythm though. My poetry prof would love you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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