Afraid to go on without him....

[onesadgirl]

I have never had a broken heart before, until now! My boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years! My world revolved around him! He is 5 years older than me, he's 24 and I'm 19.... So yeah, we got together when I was very young! I never went to school dances or anything because I commited myself when I was in 9th grade! It may sound rudiculious to all of you but I was in love with him and he was me! We had a great relationship he moved in with me at my parents house about 6 months after we were together. We lived together for 3 and a half years! He worked and I went to school. We talked about marriage often, he even bought me 2 beautiful rings! We never had any children but talked about it. Anyway he lost his job over the summer and we started arguing a lot. I think we were spending to much time together. So in November we separated and he moved out! I was upset about that but he spent every weekend with me and called me about twice a day! I looked forward to his calls and visits! All of a sudden about 2 weeks ago he began acting different. I didn't think anything of it... Last weekend we went and rode 4 wheelers and had fun, he acted a little distant but nothing seemed serious. When he brought me home he said he loved me and I could trust him! The next day I called him and he told me he'd been seeing his ex girlfriend! I freaked out! That was a week ago, I haven't talked to him or seen him! I have never felt so hurt and alone! I don't know what happened? We were planning on moving back in together this month! I don't think I'll ever get over this! I have cryed myself to sleep every night and I have a hard time eating! I think I'm afraid to go on without him! Help me! [/b]

[rich_1517]

The first thing we all feel (anyone) when someone we love and trust goes to someone else is anger, denial, bretrayal and intense agonizing loss and emptiness. Thats normal. The thing you have to do, must do is not let this cause you to "react" but to "respond" the difference is you have control over how you respond to him, you cant control reactions.

 

Start taking care of yourself, let him contact you, dont chase him down, he may be having doubts and concerns about you two, or is unreliable, he and you will now need a little space to find out which. Dont be a door mat, let him live with choices. remember you have value and are not there for whenever he feels like it suits him. He made a choice and has to live with the consequences. DO NOT "HANG OUT" let him call you and if he wants to hang out, tell him isnt that a little weird with your other girlfriend?

 

Dont rush into anger or calling him with ultimatums or anger, move on for now even though it kills you. Calling him or pushing him will drive him more the other way. Respect what he said "im seeing my ex" ok thats your choice, you dont get me then. living in the gray area will only hurt you. See the "no contact rule" its true. he needs to miss you and wonder if he made the right choice (without your help).

 

Look i know this isnt easy I am going through it too and it hurts and you want to beg them to come back, etc. But the only chance you have is in his memories and missing your emotional contact coming back.

 

Then if he should call you are on better terms to tell him how you feel, and what the ground rules are. Dont lose your self worth, rebuild it, get busy, busy, busy. lert time pass. you can get through this. Is there no cause for hope? no but you cant rely on it, you will feel a shift in your self over time to either feeling him coming around or you moving on.

 

Obviously he cares and misses you. let him.

 

You are young, give yourself time what you think you want now will probably not be what you want a little later on.

 

You are worth loving, someone who would invest four years in your knew they had something good. remember that. leave your otions open if you can. get out of the damn house, get busy, excerise play music, go on a date. these things will help you get perspective.

[neallo82288]

The only thing I have got to add is the post she referred to:

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

Now, you must realize that it should be over for your relationship forever. You are young and And there are far more men out there, so there is no need to sweat this one. That post is about getting you ex back, but it also helps to go through the stages to heal also. This boy has taken all of your trust and destroyed it. I just have a problem, with the fact that you have been with him for 5 yrs and she still comes back to her. There seems to be an issue here that I am not going to get into. Heal yourself and move on. The only thing that heals this type of hurt is time and time heals all.

 

Give yourself the much needed time and heal,

 

Neallo