Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 So this is a branch off from my last post about a guy I like, but developed a crush on his friend, in which case I realized I should maybe break things off with him. I really like him, and if I hadnt met his friend, I still might be liking him more and not questioning it, but now I want to clear the way for any possibility I might have with his friend, whether I end up alone and single (like Im used to) or not...Anyway....The question now is how do I go about doing it... So far I was the first to kiss him, we have gone on about three outings/dates and hung out last night and I stayed over his house and slept in his bed, no heavy petting or sex...we kissed and connected pretty well....We both have admitted to liking eachother.....So now out of the blue I tell him I just want to be friends??? Am I making the right decision and how do I say it in the least rejectful way as possible...I have just had too many relationships that I wasnt sure from in the beginning but wanted to give it more time to get to know the person, at which point I am suddenly trapped in a relationship..If I am in a relationship, I want sparks flying and a connection to be made...something I felt with his friend....I really hope I can stay his friend and things wont go bad.....We work together, so I think the sooner I can be honest with him the better...im just so bad at being straight and honest with people...and I am kinda thinking I havent given him any hints that it is coming...as far as he knows, things are going great.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I suppose it would be cruel and unusual to say, "I do like you but I like your friend more so you lose." An alternative might be, "I've met someone else and I want to date him." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 yikes....Both those seem harsh....Is there a less harsh way...I dont even know if the person I have a crush on likes me...but the fact I like him makes me realize I should feel that way about who Im with....What if I just tell him Im not ready to be in a relationship right now and rather just hang out like friends for now if he wanted to....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syntax1985 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 i think you just have to sit him down, be calm, dont sugar coat it because hes goign to see through all that, and just be honest. either way hes going to hurt in this situation, but if your just honest and be true with him , he'll get over it alot faster. just please dont say anything like "im not ready", "maybe in the future" "just not now" etc, coz that really screws with a guy head. seriously, do what you feel is irhgt and makes you happy, and be honest and open with him, theres nothing more you could do ^^. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 What if I just tell him Im not ready to be in a relationship right now and rather just hang out like friends for now if he wanted to....? I think you should just be honest and tell him you don't feel that you are romantically compatible. Just say it isn't working out. Don't say you're not ready for a relationship because if he finds out that you soon start dating someone else, he'll feel deceived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syntax1985 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 yikes....Both those seem harsh....Is there a less harsh way...I dont even know if the person I have a crush on likes me...but the fact I like him makes me realize I should feel that way about who Im with....What if I just tell him Im not ready to be in a relationship right now and rather just hang out like friends for now if he wanted to....? you'll be giving him false hope and something to cling onto instead of moving on. ive been dumped trust me i know.. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 ugh..it literally makes me sick to do it, because I will be hurting myself in the process, lonely and single again most likely, and losing someone that was really cool, and maybe was right for me....Just this new crush..and these sudden doubts make me not want to continue....ugh..it sucks....But Syntax, You have a good point...I need to keep following a path I think will make me happiest....Because it will not be good to stay with someone out of lonliness or cause i dont want to lose a friend.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syntax1985 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Exactly hun, its not right for you or fair to him, what's best for you is always the best all round option, don't forget that. its hard to hurt someone we care about, but when its just not right, and your sure of that, well its just unfair to him to stay in a relationship when your feeling that way. as i said, the best thing is to be open a honest with him, give him space if he needs it, and dont give him false hope. big his ego a bit if you can without giving false ideas "your every girls dream" = wrong, he'll wonder why hes not yours, "your a really nice geniune guy i just dont feel we click" = right. if that makes sense? and to be honest, if i had to be dumped, thats the way id want it, honesty, openness, small ego boost so i can hold my chin up. there not much more you could ask to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 But how do you know for sure if the person is not right for you..Im really not sure whether it is the right thing...we do connect in many ways...and I am awkward socially just getting to know someone..I feel like we get along well and it was nice being with him last night...but this stupid crush on his friend keeps making my mind question it all.....I dunno...I really dont know if I can do it...I feel like I am going to hurt him and make him feel crappy about himself, like he is not good enough for me or something....if I was in his shoes, my self esteem would have a hard time getting back.....There really seems to be no sign of things going bad either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmarten Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Perhaps, you are doing him a favor, by breaking it off with him and saving him from a capricious, hard to please person that will be looking to upgrade to the latest boy that comes around. Yeah he'll take it hard. Could hurt his relationship with his friend though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupaflyTNT Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 If this other guy is truly his friend then he's going to want nothing to do with you after you break up. I wouldn't go near a girl that broke up with my friend, I don't care what kind of crush she has on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 yeah...Thats understandable...But We arent together so it is not like we are "breaking up"..More like we are just getting to know eachother and he obviously likes me and I thought I really liked him...His friend was definitely flirting and talking to me the night I talked with him...But I came with his friend and left with his friend....I havent seen him since.... I dont know...Maybe his friend does have that rule...But once in awhile, if this guy felt the same great connection I felt with him...And I am not really together with his friend, just hanging out, but that is why I want to stop it from going any further, because then it gets into more dangerous territory...You think I am already in dangerous enough territory to be off limits to any of his friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I don't know if you would be off-limits. That is up to his friend. Some guys have codes that they follow which prevent them from dating people who dated their friends. Others don't. Neither approach is wrong, IMO, just different views on things. It's not like you were a long-term love of this guy. You were just dating. So that is a plus for you. There are many stories of people meeting this way. Even in my case, where I had a not totally insignificant relationship with my ex, things worked out between me and his friend. So, it can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon333 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 Thanks Lady000....Its good to hear it workd out for you...Even if the relationship didnt last....I think it is most important to be honest and break it off as soon as I think I have feelings for someone else, especially his friend..If it wasnt his friend, Id probably get to know him more and not jump to breaking things off right away....I have no clue how I will see his friend, or if I did, if there would be any conversation of us hanging out..Its confusing, and I dread hurting him, and also hurting myself (back to staying in friday nights)...But from everything Ive done wrong in the past, I really want to do what is right... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumu Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Better to be truthful up front and tell him so he's feelings aren't as strong for you. I agree don't give him false hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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