wendyg311 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I am on the recieving end of NC and it is CRUEL. Not all relationships have clear cut good guys/bad guys. I am a decent person an this has DEVASVATED me. My last contact with him he said " you don't know what the future holds" which leads me to believe he wants to "check back" sometime in the future. He told me a story of a guy he works with who divorced his wife an after two years, they remarried each other. Ummm....is it just me or is this a mixed message. Is he dangling me? If he needed a break perhaps I could have understood it, but his NC is foul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Actually it sounds like a normal breakup. Why do you expect him to keep talking to you when you're broken up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyg311 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Actually the last time we spoke was because I went to his home because he had been ignoring any other contact I tried to make which was confusing me. It was at that time he explained what he was doing and left me hanging with the possibility of future attempts. I didn't know he had any intentions of ending everything NC may work wonderfully for the one side, but like I said, it's not something I would choose to do when there is no abuse going on because it's just plain mean. There are three sides to every story -- His - Hers - and the Truth. For one person to choose is like an amputation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clementine orange Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Who is the dumper and who is the dumpee in this situation? In my opinion the person who got dumped has every right to go NC for as long as they darn well please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Who is the dumper and who is the dumpee in this situation? In my opinion the person who got dumped has every right to go NC for as long as they darn well please. I'd like to know this as well. I went NC with my last ex after dumping her simply because she was pushing me for answers and to spend time with her and the whole point of breaking up was that I didn't want to keep spending time with her nor field questions about what bad person I was for breaking up. It's hard, but I would gladly be friends with her in the future once we're both well past this. I haven't ever had an ex go NC with me, but I'd imagine that it would drive me mad, and I can empathize. But if I broke up with her? It's hard to argue that I'd have much of an argument there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Clem asks a pertinent question, because it sounds as though you, Wendy, were unfortunately the victim of the breakup in this case. NC, as widely recommended here, is actually for you to implement, to help you get over things, as and when you're ready to take that step. I don't think people here argue that the person initiating the breakup should always go NC, and nor do they advocate going NC without telling the other person first, and making it decisive, except in cases of clearcut abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 It hurts now but, trust me, it is the BEST way to heal. Be glad your ex is out of your life and not popping in every now and again. That just keeps the wounds new. Take this time to heal and forget about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyg311 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 Thank you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I think NC is the best thing even the DUMPER can do. Keeping in contact with an ex whom you dumped will only leave the other person scarred for even longer. The person who was dumped needs time apart to heal. I made the mistake of trying to keep in touch with my ex after i broke up with him. He was torn apart when I found a new boyfriend because I never gave him a chance to heal. It was crewel on my part and I regret it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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