Life and Death

[Morphous01]

Hi,

 

 

I'm a 29 year old male who currently lives out of state from my home town.

 

 

Story short, I started a small business and in the process I met a man who has helped me in my business here and there. I see him about every two months or so but I talk to him on the phone more often and we e mail each other pretty frequently about all kinds of stuff. I have even spent the night at his pad with his wife for about 3 nights in a row as I was going though some difficult times. I have known this man for about 2 years.

 

I consider this man a friend (I think) but as I will explain to you in this post I'm starting to reconsider exactly how much of a friend this man is or if I can even call him that.

 

Well, about a month ago I got a call from my mom who lives back in my home town and she told me that my child hood friend, my BEST friend ever, in my life was tragically killed on his motorcycle. He was only 27.

 

Well, being so far away from home I was really in a bad situation (and still am) because I want to grieve for my bud but I can't let myself fall apart in a city were I have no emotional support. Some of it comes out when I sleep, I cry in my dreams and I wake up with a deep pain in my heart. I'm going off on a tangent, but, my bud was my right arm for 10 years strong before I moved away. We did everything together!!

 

Anyway, I decided to tell my (so called) friend about it who helps me out in my business. I also wanted to talk to him becaue in his younger days he would do stunt riding and so I know he knows a lot about motorcycles.

 

So, I chose to e-mail him because I did not want to tell him deep emotional information that would hit him off guard. I wanted to give him some time to think and respond because I know he has a wife and a baby. He is also very busy; I understood this.

 

 

Well, he never responded to me. He never gave me any condolences, which I really needed! I know he can't bring my friend back but when a person says; "I'm so sorry to hear about that," some how it makes you feel better.

 

I then say, "ok; well maybe the next time he sees me he will bring it up." Well, so happens that we did a project together not too long after my e-mail I sent to him and during our lunch break he starts talking about motorcycles ( out of all things) and how he wants to buy another one, so him and his wife can go riding and I chime in and tell him that I DID want one too but because of what happened to my friend that I will NEVER buy one.

 

He, then bows his head a little and then says in a soft voice, "well, that's the danger or the risk you take when you ride those things" then switches the subject to something else.

 

 

Ha, I could not believe it. He doses not care. Am I right? What do you all think about this? I just feel so strange. Too me this is weird behavior, its not normal to act this way after you known somebody for 2 years? How can a person do or say NOTHING after a person has just opened up to them and told them very sensitive information? What do you all think?

[melrich]

People often avoid talking about difficult issues. It is a bit surprising that he did not acknowledge your email but maybe he felt uncomforatble with it and has this relationship on a different level than you have it?

[redhearts]

He is probably trying to keep things STRICTLY professional between you too.

[Morphous01]

Thank you for the reply's so far. Uaa, it feels so good to get SOME kind OF imput.

 

Just to add some more info, this man tells me EVERYTHING about his life?!! Sometimes more then what I want to hear!!! Like stuff about his wife ( her body) or sexual things and so forth. uck! Really, stuff that is NONE of my business.

[redhearts]

Ohh he is a one sided person. So he likes to get his feelings and problems out, but when it comes down to the other person he won't listen and doesn't care.

 

(sorry about your loss.)

[Morphous01]

Ohh he is a one sided person. So he likes to get his feelings and problems out, but when it comes down to the other person he won't listen and doesn't care.

 

(sorry about your loss.)

 

 

GOD!!! You are SO RIGHT!!! I listen to him ALL THE TIME! But as soon as I speak longer then 2 min he starts looking at his watch and try's to go? * * * !?

 

 

Thank you for your condolences redheart.

[redhearts]

Welcome. If he brings something up just make up excuses. Such as oh I forgot to call so and so, or I have to run I forgot to pick up clothes at the cleaners!

[Xetra Dax]

Its really your fault, who appointed 'him' as your shoulder to cry on? He's not doing anything wrong, you are, if you think about it he's right , driving on a bike is statistically extremely dangerous, people who drive on them are statistically begging to get killed. Of course no one steps on a bike with that intent but the reality is that its extremely dangerous. But that's not really the problem, look lets get this straight.

 

He is your 'bussiness partner, not your fricken theraphist. Don't you understand that no one wants to be put up with your problems, because everyone has enough problems of their own? Some people are receptive, but you have to understand that we live in a world thats filled with negativity and that negavitity influences people in bad ways ,making them say terrible things. But its really not his direct concern now is it?

 

Don't you see how bad you are? You have no one in town to lean on, so you just convienantly appoint him as your shoulder to cry on, without his consent. Honestly i can understand that you used him for such a purpose, but you can't reasonably expect him to carry the load of all the misery in your life for you, its incredibly selfish and you should try not to demand so much out of your friendship and value him more for the person who he is. '' so, as far as i see it although it was a little insensitive he wasn't in the wrong so much as you were for using him as a supportive crutch".

[mgirl]

It could be a combination of him feeling uncomfortable in emotional situations, him wanting to remain professional, or him being a one-sided person as redhearts suggested.

 

People really do have a hard time understanding what somebody goes through when they lose somebody special.

[Morphous01]

I fully understand what you posted. But just like I told redheart, this man has sometimes talked to me for 20-30 min straight on numerous occasions about all his problems.

 

This dude unloads all his worries on me, stuff about his wife, about not being able to buy a home, about his parents and that they moved away out of state, his horrible childhood, all kinds of stuff. The hole time I sit there and listen because I care. I do a better job listening then his wife as far as I'm concerned because some of the things he tells me I know he does not tell his own wife.

 

But, when its my turn, I get nothing?? D%%%, he has cried on my shoulder ( I don't mind) so hell I should be able to cry on his. If not, then its just like readheart said; its a one sided deal.

 

Thanks for the imput Dax.

[pianoguy]

He really doesn't sound like a good friend. I could understand that he might be awkward, these things always are, but it doesn't sound like he's making any effort to listen to you. Sounds like he is mainly interested in talking about himself. Sorry.

 

Could you take a trip to your hometown to be with friends and family for a little while? It could be good for you.

[Morphous01]

People often avoid talking about difficult issues. It is a bit surprising that he did not acknowledge your email but maybe he felt uncomforatble with it and has this relationship on a different level than you have it?

 

 

I know I'm hijacking my own post, but looking at this post made me want to share some more things with you all. In general, I have noticed that I approach ALL relationships with a open heart were as people approach me with a closed one. Why are people like this? Where does this come from? What are people so scared for?

 

 

It's kind of funny because if you all saw me you would cross the street ( I look mean), and I'm the guy in the gym who lifts the heavy weight in the corner with the black shades..lol Seriously, I'm sick of this S**T. I'm tired of rude jerks, nasty people, liars, cons, cheaters, the people that worship the dollar bill, ect, ect,!!

 

 

As far as I'm concerned, man is LOWER then animals. Animals don't kill for fun or sport. Animals don't torture there own kind! Animals don't kill there own baby's/young.

 

 

From what I see, to get ahead in "this" world it's all about who can care about the other person the "least." They win! Ha, you've been told that all the crooks and killers are in jail or in Compton, Ca or "the hood". Yea right. They are super wealthy who hide behind government and control all of our lives. How do you think they got there? It's also the mob, they run our lives too. How do you think they got there, and how do they stay in power? Sh**t, they own Vegas and your local politician.

 

So what the hell, do people get screwed by people so much that they become just like the people that screwed them and we are all left in a world were people screw each other?

 

Really, we are all being screwed from day one. You all think we live in a democracy, but truth be told we are in a dictatorship that's cloaked as democracy. Ha, there are fascist emblems on our money and other U.S property.

 

Seriously, this isn't normal. But we are all trained like little puppy's to believe huge heaps of crap! I'm thoroughly disgusted with mankind. And I'm disgusted by the fact that a few people can FOOL and swindle MOST of us!!!

[Xetra Dax]

Look, imagine a planet with only bad people and 1 good person. Then what is the only good thing on that entire planet?, that 1 person. The world needs more 'good people' not less, 'lowering' yourself because you think 'oh no one cares so f this, means the world as a whole is only going to be a more miserable place to live in for 'everyone'. So its actually the other way around' people need to be motivated to be good, and to be supporting eachother', that way things will improve for everyone, those who don't work along need to be motivated to do so after al. thereforee don't goto people with the expectation ' if i do something for this person they will do something back for me', nope your love has got to be unconditional for everyone, without having any expectation to get anything back.

 

Everything in life works in that way, its like the river current going against everything while you as a salmon swim against the currents of the river to reach an end goal up somewhere in the mountains.

[Morphous01]

Dax,

 

Ha, its funny you should use the Salmon as an example. I was thinking about that on my own one night because that is how I feel. I feel as if I'm going upstream swimming against the current. I see all kinds of things people do "on the side" to get ahead. I say to myself, "geez is it THAT worth it?"

 

As far as I can tell, I see millions of people doing what others have told them to do, because, for what ever reason, they don't want to follow there own heart.

 

But going back to your post, I understand what you saying and I could never stoop as low as I see other people to make a quick buck but at the same time I refuse to be anybody's doormat.

 

Due to the number of funerals Ive been to and bad experiences I have had with people I'm starting to just not care about "anything" and have the feeling to not wanting "anything" because once you allow yourself to become attached to something the hour glass starts its countdown to the day that you will eventually loose the item or person that you have grown so close to.

 

Life is no joke, whos to say you wont loose your husband, wife, child, job, health, a leg, ect,ect.... Thanks for hearing me out..

[pianoguy]

I understand that you're feeling frustrated with your friends, but just because you've had some negative experiences with people doesn't give you good basis to condemn all of humanity. You need to keep this in perspective. It's like trying to use a microscope to make a judgment about the Milky Way.

 

If this is consistently a problem for you, it's likely that you are choosing your friends unwisely. We all suffer betrayal, rejection, crappy friends at some point, but if it happens repeatedly, we have to start considering other possibilities beyond bad luck, namely, that we are making bad decisions about who to befriend.

 

Earlier on you had said some positive things about your hometown. Is it possible that you could go back for a weekend to visit? It could do you good.

[Morphous01]

I understand that you're feeling frustrated with your friends, but just because you've had some negative experiences with people doesn't give you good basis to condemn all of humanity. You need to keep this in perspective. It's like trying to use a microscope to make a judgment about the Milky Way.

 

If this is consistently a problem for you, it's likely that you are choosing your friends unwisely. We all suffer betrayal, rejection, crappy friends at some point, but if it happens repeatedly, we have to start considering other possibilities beyond bad luck, namely, that we are making bad decisions about who to befriend.

 

Earlier on you had said some positive things about your hometown. Is it possible that you could go back for a weekend to visit? It could do you good.

 

 

To be 24 you are pretty smart. Thanks for the post. Well, actually I plan on moving back to my home town in a few weeks or so. I know I may be over generalizing but the city I currently live in is a wild, fast city and I have had enough of it regardless that I can make money out here.

 

Were I live now people don't develop deep relationships with each other ( for whatever reason) and I just can't seem to find a niche to fit into.

 

As far as going back home, it will be no easy feat. EVERYWHERE in my old town I have memories of me and my bud from when we use to ride our big wheels as little kids to graduating high school as young men.

 

One distant special memory I have of us is in a park with our dogs in the summertime with not a care in the %%%KN world!! At that time there was this cute girl who use to come to this park as well and use to walk her dog ( it was a pug). This girl turned out to go to our high school so we all became friends. We would meet up at the park and watch all our dogs play! Just plain honest simple summertime fun!

 

Story short, not too long after we all graduated HS she was murdered by her boyfriend. D&&! She was SO sweet!

 

This is all so strange to me, people are dying around me and I'm not even 30 years old, and to make matters worse for the people that are left somebody is next.