babysunshine Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I don't see any point in being friends. Granted He was/is truly the best friend I ever had but even though I'm healed I feel like my life still somewhat revolves a little too much around him. I mean, I dont want him back, the memories don't hurt, I can listen about his new girls and not even feel a twinge but something is still a little off. He is still the first person I turn to if I need someone, (and he always helps out), he still is the person I get most excited about hearing from or seeing and although I know he is grateful I'm still in his life, I feel like I need him whereas he could go either way. In a selfish way I guess I want him to feel what life is like without me because ever since the breakup he never really had to experience that. I was always there. I mean it got to the point where I would say Im going to do NC and he would just chuckle and say ok, I'll hear from you tomorrow..... and of course I always called! I guess Im just rambling and may not make sense but I just feel like if we do stay friends it will always be me expecting too much. I still want to be a significant part of his life and I know that is probably not feasable. Im kind of like that personality wise. I think since I used to be his number one it's hard to go to just being a friend. It's not about wanting him back more about the new boundaries that seem to be setting up. For example: I wanted to spend New Years with him since we will both be in our hometowns and he said he didn't feel comfortable with that because he wants to hit on girls and such. So basically he only wants to hang out when he is here (San Francisco) where his parents live as well. I want to prove to myself that I can live and be totally happy without him in my life. It's been five years since I have talked to him pretty much almost every day and I kind of feel like he's getting the better end of the deal by still having me in his life. I know I have a lot to offer and he values my friendship but in a way I feel like he doesn't deserve it since he chose to end things with me. Any opnions? Link to comment
Nearwater Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hi, It seems a little unbalanced, how you feel and how he feels. It may hurt you in the long run. Do you really have no emotion about him discussing other women? If that is really true, maybe you can be friends. I could not do it. Too caught up in emotion, be careful! Link to comment
babysunshine Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 I truly don't have any emotions.... anymore. At the beginning I did to the point where I got sick to my stomach. I know we can be friends the issue is my expectations are a little too high I feel. I mean, for four years we were the best of friends and did everything together it's a little hard to adjust to just seeing him whenever he comes to town. I dont know if its worth it or if i should just cut my losses and move on in life without him. Link to comment
denise_14 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 well, you already chose to stay as his friend... if you suddenly decide to call the friendship off, would it change a thing on his end? if you think that it is for the better on your end, then do so. just be sure that you'll be firm with that decision. ^__^ Link to comment
Mending 08 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Babysunshine, glad you brought this up because it's something I too am sort of going through. Broke up with ex, but we are still in limited contact and I feel like a security blanket to him.He KNOWS I am always there, and like you, I am "miss realiable." I think this is something many guys take for granted and get into a comfort zone. While it feels nice at times, it sucks feeling like we are there for their benefit, when it no longer serves a purpose for US. The only thing I can suggest is the thing I am doing for MYSELF.I am doing a NC sabbatical. Just disappearing for a few weeks and he will have no access to me at all for more than three weeks.I am planning this around a trip I'm going on and not telling him before hand. let him wonder about ME for a change, and not just assume I'll be there. Should be interesting. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Mending... What a great idea. I actually did that a while back. I went to mexico for a week (because I knew I would have no phone service!) and guess what...? Yeah he missed me. Told me he wondered what I was doing etc but that's it. Plus it was only one week. Im just scared I won't have the strength to do it. Im sick of looking ridiculous by telling him Im done with him and then crawling back a week later! I feel like I value our friendship a lot more than he does and maybe if he doesn't have "miss reliable" like you said ,he might shape up! Link to comment
denise_14 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 yeah, that actually worked for me too! Link to comment
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