CE102 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 So been in a relationship for a few months with a guy. Things going really well but there is one thing i have a big problem with, his contact with his ex. Is it normal to meet up with your ex every 3 to 4 weeks for a chat/catch up? I personally don't so hence don't get it. We've discussed it and he says he don't get why they should not be friends, they just feel out of love but are still great friends. He knows i feel uncomfortable about this, i mean i have friends i've not seen for months with work, partners etc. Is it normal to have this kind of relationship with an ex despite what the new girl thinks of it. I'm already feeling jealous of the contact even though he's been nothing honest! He stresses to me there are no emotions there. But can you reallo go from house together and engagement to just buddies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Yes, but it depends on the person. If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't be with him, or deal with it. If your being jealous there is a reason behind that. That must mean he is doing something to make you feel this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miracle29 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I'll tell you when its normal. Its normal when you can come along. Until than...go with your gut~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 How long ago was it since they were in a relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JourneyRoade Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 My answer might be a bit radical, so take it for what it's worth. I had a very good friend like this, many years ago. He kept in touch with all his Exes. They were all buddies, and cool with each other. The old girlfriends were always invited to his and his wife's parties. In fact, his wife believes I was one of his girlfriends because he and I used to hang out together a lot long before he ever met her (though romance never happened), and she's very cool to me. I remember admiring the heck out of all of this. At the time, it was such a new concept to me. I mean, you're supposed to hate your Ex, right? And the new GF is supposed to be jealous of the Exes, right? Being his friend and seeing this blew the doors wide open on what was "acceptable" in society and what was possible between people. So, I look at this as a worthy ideal. If there was no mistreatment and abuse or what have you that caused the split, why cut someone out of your life who was important to you? Just something to consider. I think if you can have an open mind, he should demonstrate to you that there's no romance there. He should include you and give you a chance to feel it out. Perhaps just try it and see. Go out for a beer with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I think because maybe the new gf will think oh he had sex with her, or they may get back together, insecurities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CE102 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 I've been told they broke up a little over a year ago and lived in their house till it was sold sometime november last year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CE102 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks for your post. Such a good way of looking at it. Don't think we'll be having beers anytime soon though as Another issue is he knew something about my family (i've a sister who's off the rails) so i asked who told him, he said a friend, so you know i ask well what friend and he replied with, someone you don't like. Er when did i ever say that, just expressed don't get or like the situation. So his mum had a 60th bd party last week I asked why did she not come if all his family know about their contact and i was told cause i was there. So they all think she could not come cause of me! Great! I was not even spoken to about it. Only found out today all his family know about their frequent contact and apparently all are cool with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 It all sounds a little close for comfort, to me. You will have to make your own call. Sure, you can meet up and have beers with her, and get this ironed out. Maybe. And then this lady will be a regular part of your life. There is nothing wrong with that in itself but the circumstances are a bit weird here. Talking about how he is dealing with it, and how he is dealing with you. I think if he were to be perfectly honest he'd be saying "This relationship with my ex is so important to me that I'm willing to do it while dating you, and you not being invited or involved because I don't want to risk that you might not be comfortable with how close I am to her and having to choose". That's what his actions say. Call me suspicious or cynical - but it's all too fresh, and too close, and this relationship should be in the distance while establishing a fresh one with you. If later on when you two were more established, he introduced the idea, it'd be totally different in my eyes. But he's done it whether it impacts how things go with you or not. So you see where priorities lie right there. It's an ex...not a sibling or non sexual friend...there is a time and place for everything. just my 2 cents. Not all would agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyote1980 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I agree with itsallgrand. I don't even hang out with my best friend 4times a week. Has he ever asked you to come along? If not, then it's a bit,,,,,bizarre to me. I'd be very uncomfortable if I were you, too. I mean, what are they talking about? How things were good back then when they were dating? If I were you, I will sit down and talk to him how you feel one more time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlestar Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Some people dont see a problem keeping contact with the ex when they're with someone else. I think its ok if you're single but once you're with someone this can be a little awkward. I was interested in a guy once who would wine and dine his ex about 4 times a WEEK and he couldnt see a problem with that, he said they were good mates! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miracle29 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 If the ex was NORMAL and didn't hurt the other in a stupid or ignorant way, than contact with a healthy distance would not be the worst thing, but they should be very distant with this person seeing as how they've had that sexual relationship in the past and things could spill over. If they dont' have children or pending divorce issues or a house to speak about selling...this should be limited, in contact and converasation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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