Advice on asking a girl out for the first time

[steve_p]

Hi everyone - I need some advice on asking a girl out I met last week. I'm very inexperienced at this kind of thing; I'm 18 but have never had agirlfriend before, or even asked anyone out. In the last year I've become more confident, especially in the last month, where I've managed to speak to four new girls (which is a very high amount for me!)

 

One of these girls is I have taken a liking to, and have found myself thinking about a lot over the last few days. She was new to the school at the start of September, and became friends with some of mine. Around two weeks ago, although we had never spoken before, she said hello and smiled at me when we passed in a corridor, which I took note of as a incentive to try to talk to her sometime in the future. I took my chance last week; she was on her own in a study room, so I decided to approach her to break the ice. I felt it went very well - we spoke for about 5-10 minuets, she seemed interested in talking, she smiled a lot, we have a few things in common, and she seemed very pleased when I complimented her. However, the conversation did seem more like a friendly chat rather than flirting.

 

Now I'd like to know how to go about asking her out. Usually when I like a girl I'm far too nervous to even consider attempting such a thing, but I've learnt its better to act quick and then move on than to spend months wondering what could happen. But there's many aspects I'm not sure on:

 

How should I ask her?

Should I ask for her number first?

Should I find out when she's available before asking?

After I've asked her, should I carry on the conversation or leave?

If she says no, is it still O.K. to talk to her as a friend?

 

Thanks for reading - any advice would be appreciated, after all I am very inexperienced at this kind of thing, and am very nervous about it!

[Syntax1985]

How should I ask her? Ask if she fancy s doing something when she's free

Should I ask for her number first? leave that as a follow up when ya making arrangements ( if she says yes )

Should I find out when she's available before asking? no shell tell you

After I've asked her, should I carry on the conversation or leave? is she says yes, make arrangements then leave saying youll see her then, i think that would keep her more interested and youll be leaving conversation for the actual date

If she says no, is it still O.K. to talk to her as a friend? depends on how you feel, its differs, sometimes it can be awkward to face someone who rejected you, but sometimes it wont bother you as much, i wouldnt make a big deal about it, respect her decision and dont cause any problems.

[SF2008]

First off, I think it's fantastic that you've broken out of and decided to take chances.

 

When you see her alone again, I suggest you approach her the same way you did before for a chat. If your conversation breaks to a good segway like "oh I love chocolate ice cream"... than maybe you could suggest grabbing some dessert friday night. Then, you can ask for number and tell her you'll call her before you pick her up... or however you work the logistics out.

 

It's simple, casual, and forces you guys to engage and get to know each other without the awkwardness of a movie (where you sit in silence), or dinner (where it's more formal and lots of eye contact accross the table.)

[alli]

Personally I would also be uncomfortable putting myself out there asking "would you like to go on a date with me sometime?". You could look for ways to spend time together outside of school without asking for a date. Do you drive & she doesn't? You could offer her a ride home. Or invite her to a group thing with your friends. If she just moved to your town you could offer to show her around to some "cool stuff" in town that maybe she's never been to, like a cool cafe, museum, etc.

 

The only bad thing about my technique is she might take it as a "just friends" thing not knowing that you feel otherwise.

 

Maybe if you ask her something specific to do to hang out without having to use the word "date", like if she wants to go out for pizza friday night. That's probably the best choice.. showing her that you want to hang out with her solo but avoiding the word "date".

 

Good luck!!

[steve_p]

Thanks for the replies!

 

Syntax - all those answers sound good, I think I can manage them. But if i were to ask her and she says no, should I carry on talking casually after or just make an excuse to leave?

 

SF2008 / alli - I did have the idea of asking her out for coffee, does that sound like a good idea? And you both said Friday; would this be the best day? Sorry to be so precise but I want to make sure I get this right!

 

I saw her once today when we passed each other, and we greeted each other again with smiles. I've got 2 weeks until we break up for a week long holiday, so I'm going to try hard to ask her before then.

[steve_p]

Well, a few days have passed since I last posted, and since then I've spoken to her once, and say hi whenever we pass. However, I'm no longer able to ask her out, as she happens to alreasy have a boyfriend

 

Still, after a few days of feeling down I'm happy enough with the situation. I think I still will talk to her as a friend. Now I know she's unavailable I don't feel as attracted to her!