It's just been one of those days...

[Rising]

I knew the second I woke up that it was going to be one of those days. I had an ache in my chest and a sort of lightly bitter/sour tinge to my thoughts. The morning was damp and rainy and it just added an extra layer to the effect.

 

I made it through work and headed home. I tried working out to get my head in another place and it worked for a couple hours. Now I'm sitting here at my computer and imagining the times in my life when I could feel.

 

I fell deeply in love with a girl about 10 years ago. We spent 3 and a half years together (with ups and downs) but I never loved so hard in my life. I remember these moments that I've never been able to recreate, and feelings that I've only ever felt again when I had a dream about her... even all these years later.

 

I remember sitting accross from her at dinner, staring into her eyes and holding her hand accross the table. The waitress came up to take our order and we just kept staring into each other's eyes and lightly smiling. Our waitress said "Wow... you guys are so in love... wow..." It was kind of silly but it was true. It was the kind of thing we couldn't control if we wanted. When we were together it was in every word and movement. This was a few years into the relationship. There was no such thing as a honeymoon phase.

 

Another moment that I'll never forget and that really symbolizes love for me was when we would sleep. We'd find each other's mouths in the complete darkness and kiss before falling asleep. And in the night if one of us would move we'd both wake up just enough to slide a hand accross the space between us so that we could hold hands and whisper "I love you" before falling back to sleep.

 

I know this is the kind of website where people come to write and to look for people to give them reassurance and support. I'm not sure that's what I'm looking for with this post tonight. I've been told for years by friends and strangers alike that it's just a matter of time, or meeting the right person, before these feelings will find me again. I haven't come close to these feelings though.

 

I've been in a few relationships, one lasting over 2 years... but when it came down to it... I never used the word 'love' because it never happened for me. I was always holding the other person back in their feelings because they didn't want to fall first... or fall alone... I don't think of myself as a cold person by any means. I give generously, and try my best to show that I care. I'm soft when I need to be and passionate at the right moments. Still... it's something that I do... rather than something that I can't help but do. Do ya know what I mean?

 

I would give anything to be in love like that again.

[Xetra Dax]

Then start allowing yourself to love again. You're simply your own worst enemy and holding yourself back because you don't know how to continue your life now that 'she is gone'.

 

So listen to my advice. Its ok to love her for the rest of your life, but you have to stay realistic and understand that your relationship has come to a dead end road. And the only thing you can do is to turn around and head with your car back to the main highway of life.

 

In these years that have passed, you physically have regained your life, started dating again , but although in appearance it looks like you have moved on in life you have not. Your body has moved on , but mentally and spiritually you have been stuck in that dead end the moment she left you. Its time for your car with your physical body to head back to the dead end road, to pick up your spirit , so that not only you can move on physically, but also mentally head back to the main highway of life. My advice is to give your soul another chance at life. As well as many chances as that it needs to learn those things that are important, so that really both physical and mentally you can move on with life. This is important. Give yourself another chance at life ok?

[lumu]

I thought I was in love with my last bf. He was good to me the first year but the last three he'd become critical and controlling and angry. I wouldn't leave him because I loved him and wanted him to get better.

 

He finally released me and ran off to his only other gf in Colorado out of no where. I thought.. love is dead.. what if he was my only chance at love and it was flawed because I was flawed.

 

I wondered where it went wrong but I failed to realize several times he'd tried to break up with me or I with him for the same reason about once a year.

 

Now I met a man and its in the beginning stages of love. But I swear... i understand the term soulmate and destiny like the old stories. I couldn't have envisioned that he existed let alone believe we could meet. He said he knew I was out there just didn't know where I was.

 

We are both divorced with children. However, I feel reborn and like I was made for him and he for me and suddenly the universe makes sense.

 

Don't give up on love. Its there. Be strong and keep faith despite what turns fate puts before you and make sure you know what you want and ask for that.

 

I have self doubts but when I speak with him i'm alive for the first time. I feel like i can walk on air. I simply enjoy him being near me and I want him all the time at the same time.

 

Don't give up. Don't turn bitter. Don't lose your capacity to trust.