Don't want to die, but unhappy being alive.

[abriellek]

I literally feel like I have no purpose in life. I live a decent life but horrible things keep happening to me and I don't understand why. It has destroyed any sort of religion or faith I had, and is destroying me.

I am a big girl, but pretty. My ex used to be very frank about it and say yes, I was large, but beautiful.

Two nights ago I met up with a guy I met online, he seemed sweet, he had an apartment, went to college, etc. He told me he wanted to date me. I fell for it because I've been depressed (yes I'm on medication) and I slept with him.

The next day he sent me a message saying that though I was beautiful, really sweet, cool, and someone he'd love to date, I was just too fat. He said he felt horrible and keeps calling me to apologize, but says he just couldn't handle the way people would make fun of him if he dated me, because I'm so fat.

I only drink diet soda, I walk about 3 miles every day, there's nothing medically wrong with my (thyroid, etc.) and I lose no weight.

I keep getting treated like this by people, even my friends. No matter how much I give they still cancel plans on me, put me 2nd after other people or things.

Recently a girl I know just died in a horrible motorcycle accident. I didn't know her very well but I kept thinking : I should be so happy being alive.

But I'm not. I'm on meds and seeing a therapist and I have people to talk to but I cry every day. I still have nightmares about my ex(breakup six months ago, dated a year and a half). I feel betrayed by so many people I know. I feel undesirable. I have no motivation. I don't enjoy things I used to.

Does anyone have stories/advice on how to appreciate/enjoy life again? After being so depressed/while being so depressed?

[isilv3r]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can't imagine how dreadful it feels....

 

The only way that you will ever feel better about your life is if you change it. As you said, you've seen doctors etc., but there's ways to lose weight other than drinking diet pop and walking 4 miles a day. (Diet pop is actually really bad for you) I think it's time that you seek professional help just for weight loss. Join a program. Remind yourself how you feel and that will be your motivation. Don't do it because of what other people think of you. Do it because of how you will feel when you've accomplished the change. You can do it..if it's not a health issue, thyroid etc., than it's absolutely possible. But you have to push yourself and follow the guidelines that will be set for you. Can you do this?

[Seraphim]

I am sorry he was so mean to you.

[redhearts]

That sucks, your better than him though. Some advice: don't sleep with a guy so quick! So do you want to lose weight? If you do then you have to do it for yourself and your health. You can seek a dietician, nutristionist, personal trainer or even get some videos on work outs. But a key factor is what you eat.

[jengh]

omg I am appalled by that guy. Some people are such jerks. I'm so sorry. I mean, yeah, probably wasn't the wisest idea to sleep with him so soon but it happens (I used to be the same way).

 

I'd speak with a nutritionist. What does your daily meal plan consist of?

[loveNgirl]

Im sorry you feel that way...

 

Im going to comment on the weight issue b/c I know where you are coming from. First of all, sweety regardless if its diet or not, soda is HORRIBLE for you!! Switch to water or organic orange juice or gatorade. Are you just drinking soda and walking 3 miles and not watching what you eat? Switch to whole grain breads, pastas, and crackers. Eat lots of fruit and veges! And are these 3 miles a strenuos workout or a casual walk? If its casual you arent getting your heart rate up so you arent burning calories. Try a few of these changes and I think you will loose some weight!!!