I don't seem to have personality?

[Dark Prince]

I've been thinking a lot over the past week or so and I think I realize that I'm too much of a doormat/pushover kind of guy. My shyness might be an attribute to that as well...but I knew that was one reason. Anyway....

 

I may have made threads about this before, but I can't seem to find the perfect way to improve myself in this area. With people in general I can't seem to find a good stride in conversation and have a good back and forth going with different people. I just got a new job recently that forces me to interact with many kinds of people and has helped so far. But, I see co-workers around me around my age who have much better conversations then I would when helping someone.

 

I've been meaning to experiment and get myself to increase my attitude and raise my guard so to speak and speak up for myself when necessary. I seem to mumble a bit during my conversations and I can't seem to keep a straight flow that would allow people and more importantly girls to keep interest in me.

 

I suppose what I'm saying is if anyone here can give me some advice on how I would be able to strengthen myself and to build my confidence a bit to have more straight conversations. Even my "hello's" to people feel strange and out of place. I feel like my voice is poor compared to others and how this keeps their conversations, if this made any sense.

[isilv3r]

This is your shot buddy. You are at a new job...you probably don't know very many people yet and they don't know you. You have a fresh new start where no one actually knows that you are this "shy" guy. Im not trying to tell you to be fake or anything but brighten your hellos. When you walk by people, say "hey, whats shakin..." in a fun voice with a smile...even if you're just passing by. When you approach ppl, always have a smile and don't use the generic greetings, for example, "Hey, what's doin..?" ... I know sometimes its hard to find conversation past the hello...but this is where you need to find a common ground between you and the people you talk to, work with. Find out their interests, get involved ... ask about weekends...etc., ...Im not sure what else I can tell you..it's your personality and only you can change it...while still being YOU.

[kaoticbaby]

Definitely doesn't sound like you don't have a personality.

It sounds MUCH more like you have a lack of confidence.

It's hard to talk to strangers sometimes, especially if you don't have anything in common. Some people just have the gift of gab. Others don't.

 

But what I would recommend is paying attention to how you talk to the people that you are comfortable with (your parents, siblings, friends, etc.)

 

Then, While talking to said people that you are comfortable with, pay special attention to how you began the conversation with them. Listen to the tone of your voice, and the words that you used.

 

I say this because, many times, the hardest part of having a good conversation is knowing how to begin it. Also, notice the ease with which you switch topics, and how the transitions occur. It seems silly to analyze what would usually be just a normal conversation, but it helps to notice how you act towards other while you are in a state of comfort.

 

Apply what you have learned to your conversations with people that you are not as comfortable with.

[Dark Prince]

Thanks for the tips...

 

I think one of the reasons why I came up with being a doormat is possibly because I can't seem to "stand up" for myself in a conversation. Say you're talking to someone and you like to tease back and forth, I can't seem to do that with new people and sometimes I even can't do that with my friends and we like to do that all the time no matter what we're talking about.

 

I'm trying to build myself up confidence wise so I won't have to worry about that, but it still comes back to haunt me and I can never come up with anything real substantial to say in those situations.

[coyote1980]

If you are desperate, I suggest you go to a foreign country and live there alone for awhile. No help from anyone. I have a lot of friends who completely changed the way they feel/see things or the way they behave. You might think it's stupid, but it's a great way to see yourself from a different perspective. Plus you will be forced to speak and ask questions to people when you are traveling/living in a foreign country. It's a great practice.

 

Just a suggestion...

[Dark Prince]

^ That might actually be something I'll consider in the future.

 

 

Thanks for the tips. I think I have a mission for myself. I wouldn't say I'm intimidated with new people really as much anymore since I got through my first week of my new job and have met and talked with a lot of new people and noticed how I talk...etc. I even went back to people I knew at my old job and realized how I was talking and acting. I do have confidence now to just talk and I'm just working on blending my personality with it because I noticed I was a bit flat and maybe even boring a little which is something i needed to change.

 

I think with girls I just need to add a little extra to my personality so that I'm at least interesting and someone they can be around since I never really had more then 2 girlfriends to talk/hang out with.

 

I sort of came up with a mission that during this last semester, ever week I'm going to try and talk to someone different, no matter what the conversation is. I'm mostly working on this with girls because I want to raise my confidence with them and in hopes of asking one of them out eventually. Something I hope can turn out to be successful.