redrose85 Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 This is about my neice. Please let me know if it needs anything else, different diction, etc... thank you for reading Lexxie Her blonde hair hangs loose and free Against a backdrop of cornflower and lavender sky, It’s a cool summer night, and Lexxie is dancing. Her rosy cheeks already losing the fullness of infancy Her lips spread into a grin that puts a fire in our hearts She is swaying, dipping, to the music. Her twinkling ocean eyes seem to say, Look out world, I’m coming! Lexxie knows her place. Hopes and dreams that are wished for her Circle around her, flitting like fireflies Still she dances, unaware. Soft as a lily, her skin glows in the sunset In the cool velvety grass of midsummer, Lexxie dances, Barefoot and beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 This is my opinion. Very lovely poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Her blonde hair hangs loose and fluid Against a backdrop of cornflower and lavender sky, It’s a humid summer night, and Lexxie is dancing. Her rosy cheeks are losing the fat of infancy Her lips spread into a grin that lights up our hearts She is swaying, dipping, to the music. Her twinkling, ocean eyes seem to declare, Look out world, I’m coming! Lexxie knows her place. Hopes and dreams that are wished for her Circle around her, flitting like fireflies Still she dances. Unaware. Soft as a lily, her skin glows in the sunset In the cool, velvety grass (any suggestions for a metaphor here?) of midsummer, Lexxie dances, Barefoot and beautiful. Thank you for your feedback. It really helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 metaphors for grass -emerald blanket -soft, green blades can't think of good metaphors for some reason..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Yeah, me either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beoslasher Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Very beautiful poem, I particularly love the lavender sky, and the twinkling ocean eyes =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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