babysunshine Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 My boyfriend ended things in February after four years together. Since then, so for the past eight months Ive been in contact and seen his feelings go from Im confused, maybe we'll be together one day to you are my best friend, the most amazing person but you are not right for me and we will Never be together. I whole heartedly agree that because I stuck around, decided to be friends, called him, told him I stilll loved him continuously, that I am the one responsible for helping him heal. If I would have been strong and done NC right off the bat, he might have actually had time to think and reconsider what he was losing. But no, he had many rebounds and hook-ups and I was still always there. He didnt string me along. I strung myself along. He never called me. He answered all my phone calls and texts. Never ignored me, so to me that was an excuse to believe he still wanted me. I know ifI asked him to do anything for me he would. I know he loves me immensely and thinks the world of me.... as a best friend. But I also know that he made a choice to not be with me and he never had to fully deal with the emptyness because I was always there. My goal is what pretty much everyone's goal is here: TO DO NC. TO HEAL. TO MOVE ON. It's just too hard because I knwo if I call he will Always answer. If I text He will always answer. But only as a friend. That is not good enough for me because that hurts. Someone who was head over heels for me, who cherished me, now wants just a best friend out of me. I just want to do NC for reals. I feel like if I had the risk of being rejected or himnot calling me back or acting nasty on the phone I could do NC and never look back. Its harder this way. But I need the strength to do it. I have lost somuch dignity these past 8 months I feel. My goal is todo NC for at least three months (or until Thanksgiving when he will be coming out here).... Sorry for the long post but Im hurting like Hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shentar Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I am in the same boat. I know and am hurting probably just as much as you are. My ex gf told me similar things. "I just want to be friends. I am not ruling out us never being together again, but I think we need to be friends first." I did NC for a week and broke down because I missed her so much and was hurting. I almost started crying when I got off the phone. I know she will always answer my phone an texts too. It makes it harder. If someone can't be with us or doens't want to be, we need to move on. There is always someone who will want to be with us. At least, that is what I hope. You are right in what you are doing. The hard thing is what will heal you. I'm here and I support you. Please do the same for me, and we can probably get through this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted September 15, 2008 Author Share Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks guys! It's sounds corny but it's so helpful and encouraging to know Im not the only one going through this. The good thing is at least he respects me when I tell him not to call. He wants me to heal and move on. The only person that is holding me back is me. Nc is not fun especially when that person is the only one you want to talk to but they made their choice. This is no fun at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shentar Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 "I am my own worst enemy". Its a cliche but its true. I am the reason I am not healing as well. As you heal, you will go back and forth. Wanting to call him, not wanting to talk to him. Between whats right (NC) and whats wrong. Good days and bad. The key to remember is where you are going and know that its okay to step backward occasionally as long as you are making forward progress. I know you miss him, but you seem like you have it together so I think you will get through this. Be patient with yourself and post here whenever you are feeling weak or need help. I know it helps me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 I understand what you are saying but try to look at it in a more positive way. Many people here are terrified of never being able to talk to their ex again or scared that if they contact them they will be ignored but you know that you can so you don't have that fear. I found that knowing my ex woldn't ignore me helped me do NC in a way. Turn it around and look at it like this... Do all the NC you need to heal yourself fully and move on and then one day when you are over it and feeling good again you can contact him to catch up if you so wish. By that time you probably won't even bother talking to him again anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeMoon Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Hi Babysunshine, I was thinking...may i ask why he said he ended the relationship or what had lead to the end of your time together? Maybe i have my blinders on..but the way he respects every attempt for contact by you..but does not initiate..The way he interacts with you..but does not cross a line--does say something to me.. he obviously cares for you a lot to not go for the 'easy route' of ignoring you...or is affraid not to be seen as ' the good guy' . yes...i can say that you have not given him the opportunity to feel what you are feelling...the feeling of total loss...But it is understandable..it took me 4 months to realize and my rels did not even last a year. But there is a tread by an ENA'er called Zorba...and its about the reversed psychology of rebounds. Look him up..most intriging (dont know how you spell it haha) However.. coming back to my question...i think it depends what made him leave in his mind...Because all of the hookups and rebounds later..he is still not choosing you ( sorry if that sounds harsh i truly dont mean to)..and you have been right there at his side watching it all. He is in quite a secure place mind you... So either he needs to start feeling the consequences of you moving on....or he will be happy you finally did. For the latter it will take an honest and confrontational look on everything that happened in your rels leading up to the final break... Because it will be the positive or negative result of that that will keep you in NC until you find you... And as the above poster unlike many or myself, you have the proof that he will not ignore you when you are stronger and want to go for LC again...that's a big relieve.. But stay strong and you will know what to do.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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