babysunshine Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 My boyfriend of four years broke with me back in February. Since then we have been in contact the entire time. I have even flown out and stayed with him and vice versa. I did manage to accomplish NC for 40 days and then reinstated contact. As of today, I had done 12 days and called him because he's in Texas and their is a huge hurricane(excuses... I know). Anyways, I have dated other people,he has also. I am super happy in life in regards to friends, family, school, even dating. But: in my gut I have this feeling that I will end up with him. Its scary to the point where I am fine with him dating others and being happy and happy with my life but this cloud, so to say, is always hanging over my head that will not let me realize that most likely he will never return as my lover and boyfriend. I mean it's been almost eight months and Im a million times better and dont even want him back right now,but my mind,body, soul keeps pu the thought that we will be together in the future. Im a pretty rational person so this is kind of freaking me out. Anyone experience this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionel Hutz Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Yeah, I did. I felt like I could not talk to anyone else or even cared to. The less time you spend talking to him the less you will begin to think about him. For everyone, the time it takes to forget, is different. separate your emotions from your common sense. You will then have a clear path that only involves you and your future. I'd stay away and practice NC. Even if he calls, ignore it. Learning to ignore his calls will help you move on so that you can learn to see a future w/o him. Dont date other people to block him out, do activities alone or with your girlfriends. The goal is to get out of the "Im looking for a relationship" mindset. Once I learned that it was easier to not focus on the what ifs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuhl282000 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I've always said follow your heart Good Luck ....I love happy endings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 Thanks Lionel, All excellent advice. So basically the only option is to never talk again? Basically Nc until........... forever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 I knwo I sound like a crazed mad woman, but I pretty much always have these gut intuitions that I cant ignore. I mean we had the full package. Love, respect, frienship, attraction, wonderful families who loved each other as well... the thing was with the distance after he had tomove away things went downhill..... too too hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionel Hutz Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Thanks Lionel, All excellent advice. So basically the only option is to never talk again? Basically Nc until........... forever? Well yeah. I know it sounds rough but it will help you. Train yourself to not care anymore essentially. Ever lose your favorite Tshirt? Its sucks at first, you get angry, its irreplacable, etc. Life goes on, you forget after not thinking about it. Before you know it, youve got all types of new t-shirts, and while it sucks that you lost that shirt, it hardly bothers you anymore;Out of sight out of mind. Now if you post a picture of you weraing that shirt on your wall. Everyday you are contstantly reminded of how much you loved it. If you do this with the ex, its you taking control of your life and your future. Not our life together or our future.Best wishes! Edit In response to your post after the one I quoted: Just because you don't talk does not mean you will never be together. Just don't count on it. Bizarre things happen when we least expect it. My g/f broke up with me because of distance, it was too hard, blah blah blah. six months later I got a ring. She missed me after not talking. I was about over it and questioning if I wanted to venture back down that road. You will get there, it just takes time and practice. Be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccali78 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Hi... I would say after reading your post I feel the same exact way. I was with ex over 4 years. We lived together and keep in contact ect.. The other night he text me because he felt bad about everything and said I love you but no talk of getting back together. He does say someday he hopes to get back after he gets his life together and always reminds me of the day he knew he wanted to marry me... In my heart I believe it will work out but I am not sure it is normal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Lionel, why do you think that with ex's it has to be all or nothing. Like you have to cut them out coldly and completely? Personally I think that's very harsh. Sometimes people may not work out in relationships or may hastily break up but things can be worked out, worked on, etc. With your approach to things, people may never reconcile with their ex's even if it were to work out. And it's not easy to coldly and cruelly cut someone out of your life, esp someone who once meant something to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionel Hutz Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Lionel, why do you think that with ex's it has to be all or nothing. Like you have to cut them out coldly and completely? Personally I think that's very harsh. Sometimes people may not work out in relationships or may hastily break up but things can be worked out, worked on, etc. With your approach to things, people may never reconcile with their ex's even if it were to work out. And it's not easy to coldly and cruelly cut someone out of your life, esp someone who once meant something to you He broke up with her. Why not? Im speaking based on my experience, and it worked. So I suggest what worked for me and others who have practiced it. Obviously the OP has been in touch and its not working to her favor and is thereforee not helping her healing porcess. She knows her relationship and can judge how hot or cold the idea of reconciliation is. I too thought NC was cold until I realised what I needed to do for myself first without considering my ex at the time. Eventually she grew to miss me and came nack with a better attitude about us. Also when you feel ready to "be friends" you can of course speak all you want, but if you are expecting things to go back to the way they were, you could end up disappointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Sometimes gut feelings are not enough. I assume when he visits and when you visit that you are having sex with him? Then when he goes back he could be having sex with others. Are you okay with the fact that he is probably sleeping with others? Maybe he will meet someone else while he is on the market..he is certainly keeping his options open. Gut feelings don't cut it...you have to deal with the reality as it is today...you visit each other, have great sex then go back to your lives with other dates. This is a casual relationship. You say your gut tells you that you will be together some day...yet then you claim you don't want to be back with him. Keeping in touch with him has not allowed you to really move on and that is what you really need to do...you are dating others but your heart is still with him and until you shut him out of your life completely, you won't be able to truly move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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