babes23 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Well after many months of to-ing and fro-ing with my ex, getting back together only for him to still be the same and afraid of being in a committed relationship (we were together for almost 2 years), it's over. He says he still cares/loves me but that to me is now irrelevant, he just wants to be one of the lads and often put me second best to everything in this life. I said to him it's best if we never speak to one another again as i feel that this would be the only option and his reply was "i think it's best we leave it there" (he's on a lads holiday from today, typical) it's as if he wants to leave a door open, but no way, that isn't going to happen anymore, i'm sick of the heartache. So DAY 1 of no contact for me today, i last sent him a message around 8pm yesterday and am determined not to contact him at all. I've broken no contact before and deeply regret that, i need to move on and allow myself to heal. I feel awful at the moment, sick, missing him, all the normal notions i guess. I WILL get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I perfectly understand why people never go back to people who have dumped them. I meant this, not literally never look back! Personally, in the case of my most recent ex, I could never go back to someone I have already given five years of my life to... we tried everything to make it work, including four months of counselling. We were just fundamentally incompatible. My other exes even more so. So I try to always look forwards. Just my opinion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytalefox Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Broke up about 7 months ago, it was about a 2 year relationship. We have been in contact this entire time, talking on the phone, emailing, seeing eachother. For a while, it was almost like we hadnt broken up. And he told me he didnt know if he wanted me to move on yet. I sent him an email and pretty much told him Id make the decision for him, and not to expect me in his future. It hurt a little to say that. But as of right now, Im fine. Not a single tear. Dont know if that means anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mayday11 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I meant this, not literally never look back! Personally, in the case of my most recent ex, I could never go back to someone I have already given five years of my life to... we tried everything to make it work, including four months of counselling. We were just fundamentally incompatible. My other exes even more so. So I try to always look forwards. Just my opinion! Got it. And I fully agree that if there are fundamental incompatibilities, it's best to just move on and make no attempt to reconcile. It's just going to lead to breaking up again and more emotional pain for all involved. I've seen couples break up where this is the case and everyone who knew the two involved almost wanted to throw a "Finally!" party. On the other hand, sometimes couples break up for reasons that can be resolved after some time apart. If the issues that lead to the breakup are no longer present, I see no reason why a reconciliation should be off the table. After all, they're two people who are even more compatible now than when they first dated, they have a deep understanding of each other and a strong bond. In these situations, I see nothing wrong with reconciliations. Just like everything when it comes to dating, breaking up and reconciling, each relationship is quite different and it's impossible to slap one single course of action for each and every one of them, as far as I see it. But while your view is different from mine here, they both ultimately result in the same thing: us both finding a partner that we love and can be happy with. We just take slightly different paths to get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollywolly Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hi I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago after we had been together for over 3 1/2 years. He decided that he didn't want to be in a relationship. We talked about staying friends but when I went to visit him a few weeks ago he implied that although he wanted to be friends he still had sexual feelings towards me but also said that he felt 'free-er' in his head since not being in a relationship with me. This just made me feel confused and upset me so I have not seen him since. I have texted him a couple of times and he responds but feel impossible at the moment to switch from being his girlfriend to just a 'friend with benefits'. I am in alot of pain over this and am very confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I have to say you seem incredibley strong and it's amazing!!!! Good for you I wish I was as strong as you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 Polly Wolly... Im pretty much the same as you.. He still wants to be friends, still attraction there but he is happier single and with no commitments... At frist I thought it was better to be a Friend then to have to let go of someone I spent four years with but now I realize HELL NO!! Im not settling and being his plan B, C,, D... or whatever. It took seven months for me to snap out of it but hey better late than never right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollywolly Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Think that time has got to be the only healing tool that I have. I have been NC since last Wednesday and although its so hard to do think that its best certainly for now while everything is still so raw. Sort of makes it easier to know that there are many others out there going through exactly the same thing as me. I think that I have learnt that 'If it's already broken it isn't my job to fix it'! but it's a hard lesson to learn and to let go is even harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapseinjudgement Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 well i did the nc thing for the summer with the ex but contacted her towards the end because i wanted to try to get rid of some of the ackwardness. First day of classes she didnt talk to me but i caught her looking at me occasionally. Today in the morning before class she started talking to me... very talkative and than asked if id like to walk with her to the coffee shop for a quick coffee before class. I agreed and we spent a couple hours together. Went well but now im incredibly confused why she would just randomly start talking to me and want to see me after nothing for so long... Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mayday11 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 How do you make it so that you don't see one persons daily updates but you can still see everyone else's? At the top right of the page, click on 'privacy'. At the bottom of the privacy page is the option to block people. Just type there name into the box and rest should be self-explanatory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic2463 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 well i did the nc thing for the summer with the ex but contacted her towards the end because i wanted to try to get rid of some of the ackwardness. First day of classes she didnt talk to me but i caught her looking at me occasionally. Today in the morning before class she started talking to me... very talkative and than asked if id like to walk with her to the coffee shop for a quick coffee before class. I agreed and we spent a couple hours together. Went well but now im incredibly confused why she would just randomly start talking to me and want to see me after nothing for so long... Any ideas? Shes just wanting to be friends and rid her guilt trip,you should have waited for contact from her..Your cofused because you still want her back while shes doing the girlie friends thing...go N/C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic2463 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 2.25 months of NC with most recent EX and still going strong. Beginning to question whether or not I should wish her a happy birthday since it's getting to the point that I've made my stance clear. I'll talk to her when she knows what the hell she wants. Until then, I want nothing to do with her. If she wants you she will be in touch,dont wish happy birthday to someone who broke your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic2463 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Broke up nearly 7 months ago from 3 and half year relationship. Still in contact. She wants me in her life and i want her in mine. Still see each other every couple of weeks or so. In terms of me, i'm ok. I still love her and want her back, just no longer forcing the issue. She knows exactly how i feel. Still feel sad about it all but also over the initial grief and denial and am ok in her company. There's still something between us. We'll see what the future holds i guess. Glad your ok,she has the power,breaks your heart when you see her and nothing develops,she knows you love her and responds with nothing,sounds great! do yourself a favour pull away and go N/C shes playing with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luli Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Pollywolly & babysunshine.. I'm in the same boat. Ex dumped me sort of out of the blue (we'd discussed his not wanting commitment/marriage, but had tabled the discussion for later) two months ago. It still is so hard for me to believe. Some days I feel fine and strong and healthy, and confident that a better man will come along. Some days I feel desperate to have him back, and sure that he will come back. Saw him once since breakup (I went NC immediately) and he was flirty/nervous around me -- clearly still sexually attracted. I think he thought we might hook up. But I'm not going to be a doormat. I don't know if he'll ever come back. I don't know if I'll ever find another man, or a good man. But I can't just be his plaything. He's a good guy, but he would happily let me get close and then panic and run again, and it could go on forever, and I can't do that to my heart or myself or my dreams of the life I want. Doesn't make it easy now, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imsoalive Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 I meant this, not literally never look back! Personally, in the case of my most recent ex, I could never go back to someone I have already given five years of my life to... we tried everything to make it work, including four months of counselling. We were just fundamentally incompatible. My other exes even more so. So I try to always look forwards. Just my opinion! Hell, at least yours wanted to go to counseling..I resorted to going by myself, and she still wouldnt.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollywolly Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 Sorry Luli that you have been going through a tough time like me and so many others on this forum. Going NC has definitely helped me although its been very tough. Its very difficult to be 'just' friends or even 'friends with benefits' with someone that you have been in a loving relationship with. I agree with not being a doormat any longer our ex's may be good people but when they are tugging on our heartstrings and causing us pain because they do not know what they want out of life or from a relationship its time to one giant step back from it all and to let them get on with their 'stuff'. Be kind to yourself as you are the most important one in all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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