strippers

[gurlygurl17]

would u feel ok if ur S.O went to strip club and paid for lapdances?

[exploding head]

Only if YOU were ok with it. If it bothers YOU then its a problem.

[greensleeves]

Yes it would bother me.

[redhearts]

Strip clubs ehh go look at dirty women, but a lap dance now thats just rude and disrespectful.

[KISSKISS]

No.

Pay me for a lap dance, baby.

I'm right here in front of you.

And you better think I look better than those, ehem.... bs.

[DropToZero]

I think honestly, it's a showing of how strong your communication and trust is in your relationship. Obviously if you were against it, you should be telling him...not asking us. Then again, if you were to visit a Male strip club, ask him how he feels about that?

 

Myself personally? I wouldn't care if my g/f went to have a good time...I trust her, and she would tell me about it afterwards more than likely because we have great communication. I personally wouldn't go to one though, I went to one over a year ago...sorry, I see no reason to give women money to give me a tease for something I could get all the way for free... Even though it was a nicer club, it was only really just really funny, it wasn't at all pleasurable, and I didn't want the girls even touching me... sorry, its just I dont see the highlight of the club being the girl who's starred in the most porn movies as a high priority on my list of girls I'd like to touch or be touched by.

[KISSKISS]

ohh, good man =]

[star2008]

i would not like it one bit! plus do u think the s.o would be ok with you giving someone a lap dance for money? i don't think so!

[anggrace]

I would be angry. I made it clear to him at the beginning of our relationship that lap dances were not okay with me. He completely understood and I trust he won't get one.

[_Asti_]

My boyfriend has been to clubs in the past. Its few and far between and I know his views and stances on them, so quite frankly I really don't care. I know he's not there for entertainment purposes. He doesn't enjoy going to them, and I understand that almost all of his friends are single and they find it enjoyable, so he goes. And I am fine with that, because I know what his intentions are and what we have.

 

As for paying for a lapdance, yes. I would have a problem with that. He's paid for his horny, single buddies to get lapdances, but if he did, I think thats crossing a line. But I just don't think it would happen anyway.

[KG]

It's one thing to go look at strippers, but lapdances are off limit for a S/O.

[jcrisph]

from a person who has been to the strip club countless times, some of the table dances or w/e they are call are just as touchy/feely as the lap dances sometimes. If its an 18+ club...it can be full nude and alot of contacted compared to the plus 21+ side.

[Treese]

The Revelation

 

I have come to some soulful revelations today which I believe are truly savng me in so many ways now. Perhaps they can help you? I struggle with how men feel like they have the right to do whatever they want without any repercussions just because it's the way of the world. My problem is him seeing nude /sexy images of women just in the media around us..LET ALONE STRIPPERS. Please read my revelation.

 

The Pedestal

I have placed my fiancee, over time, higher and higher on a pedestal...I fell in love, cherished him, and sought my personal happiness in his

existence instead of my own. As he rose higher and higher on that pedestal, his value increased more and more, and mine fell to the wayside.

I gave him power over me indirectly.

 

I have slowly erased my self worth. I have forgotten what is good about me. I have forgotten to love what I have. I have forgotten what it

means to feel good about myself. I took the some of the words that he said (not intending to hurt me directly), and have turned them into a personal hell for myself. I assigned myself

the job of seeing to it that he has "perfect", even though that is impossible for me to achieve. I compare

myself to those images, and burn inside of my belly with agony because I'm not like them. I have caused myself to believe that because he sees the images, then that's what he wants and will never be happy with anything "less" than perfect (me being "less). I have (somewhere along the line) made the decision that I have to be perfect. I had assigned myself the DUTY of insuring his total gratification.....his satisfaction.....his complete pleasure when none of it truly is my duty. It is his own. I had decided that because his culture has influenced him to view these images, that I must accept it. I had decided that I have to compete with the images that HE chooses to view.

 

Truly, how is it that what he views is now MY problem???

 

Truly, if he desensitizes himself over time by looking at the barrage of nude women...possibly desiring them more than me...then that is

HIS problem not mine.

 

Truly, if he sees these images and causes his own self to become immune and blind to what I have to offer because of his own overdose of "perfection".......then that is HIS problem and HIS loss.

And INDEED I shall move on to another who will appreciate what I have.

 

Abandoning ME

I took past hurts, past unkind words, past judgements made upon me, past distrusts, and created a cesspool of self-damaging thoughts.

I have created a bank of destruction designed to abolish my own self. I did this by creating deep rooted beliefs from those past hurts, words, judgements and distrusts. What a tragedy it is that I FAILED to create a bank of GOOD thoughts; instead I have allowed them to be

trampled upon and discarded in the cesspool. I abandoned myself.

 

The Obsession

I put him first in everything I did...my thoughts, my actions, my everything. Even when he didn't perceive my actions as so.

Over time, it has developed into an obsession. An obsession to be his everything. An obsession to have his total and complete attention.

The attention is what I needed to seek in order to affirm his love for me. To affirm his contentedness, his satisfaction, his gratification, his pleasure. Everything. As I

came to believe that I had to "share" this attention with others...images, videos, papers, and women around him.........I sank into untold misery and hopelessness. How could I compare to so much? so many? so often? I forgot that it wasn't

my responsibility to insure his satisfaction. He is in charge of his own. And if he needs to get his satisfaction by viewing MANY women, and not mine.......it is of no fault of mine. It truly is his choice. Do I have to like it? No.....but what I CAN do is separate myself from that

feeling of holding myself responsible. I can let go of the pain induced by my supposed "deficit". And I can view his actions as character flaws that I do not have to embrace.....I do not attract to.....I do not like in any way.

I can see him as being a different man than what I had hoped. His pedestal comes down, and my self-respect goes up.

 

The New Day

I can't be responsible for his actions anymore. I can't own the damages he does by viewing them (his desensitivity of the female body).

He disrespects me everytime he chooses to look at them, he sends me a message (indirectly) that I'm not enough for him.......he needs more....but now IT'S DIFFERENT in how I choose to react to the damage of it all. I choose ME. I choose to stop giving a man the power over me to hate who I am. I choose to stop giving a man the power to make me hate what I have to offer. I choose to stop giving a man the power to make me feel insignificant. I choose to love what I have, and know that it's a wonderful gift for the ONE who can see me, and identify it, and won't need to look at others for his satisfaction. I choose to stop comparing myself to other women, and I choose to stop feeling shame for not being what I'm not designed to be.

 

It's a new day for me, and for the first time in years I am free of that crippling path to self-destruction (literally).

[ZeldaPrinces]

I would hate it so much.

WHY ARE YOU NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM?

Scum bag (him, not you)

Hold himself together. Why is he even with you if you aren't enough for him?

Become single and he can do what he want.

God no way.

[Treese]

It's an ugly world and it's only getting uglier. It's up to us to believe that we DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT our men in looking at other women (i.e. strippers, porn, magazines, etc.) If the man in our life isn't happy for what we have to offer, then it's time to find one who IS. We don't have to SETTLE for men looking at nude images of other women for their own mindless pleasures...we are BETTER THAN THAT. It's disrespectful towards us, at best, and it communicates the message, "You're not good enough". We ARE good enough,.... we just have to believe it, and shed the one that makes us feel like we're not.

[ZeldaPrinces]

Amazing Post Treese. That's exactly right.

[bulletproof]

would u feel ok if ur S.O went to strip club and paid for lapdances?

 

I'd be fine with it. I'd also ask if I could go with him and get a lap dance, too. But I happen to think that love and sex are a lot more fluid than what we're led to believe.

 

I don't have a lot of insecurities about my sexuality or physical appearance at all. My insecurities are more about what I've achieved or not, how talented I may or may not be, etc. And since a lap dance/stripping really has nothing to do with any of that, I tend to not care.

[kuiks8]

i am a believer in look but don't touch!!!

[jengh]

I don't care if he goes to a strip club. I DO care, however, if he gets a lapdance

[KrayzieBeautiful]

I would have a major problem with this, but each to their own right?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

It's total garbage. To men:

I have the self control not to feel up on other men because you don't have a baby-oiled muscular body with a huge bulge. You can accept what you have with me or change your life to become a rock star or rapper and marry a stripper.

 

 

Once her implants burst and her chlamydia takes over, you'll be left with nothing as well.

 

 

haha

[butterfly07]

I find it kind of disrespectful that a man will sit there and get a lap dance while he's in a serious relationship. If he's single, sure, by all means do whatever you gotta do. Im pretty open minded with strippers being a form of entertainment, if the guys are going out occasionally for a beer (and i mean occasionally lol) then I'm alright with just watching and having a beer, but no lap dances. Why pay for something when you've got it for free at home, you know? Everyone has their own different comfort zones in a relationship if it gives you that bad feeling and you start to feel bad, then it should be discussed and the issue resolved.

[dreamwarrior]

I live in SF and it's a mecca for anything goes, xxx rated live shows, adult book stores, massage parlors, you name it...we even have a club here called the Power Exchange...can you imagine what going on in there? Never been there, but my ex used to date a girl who wanted to become a porn star...never made it though because she was found dead in a garbage can several years ago.

 

Drugs, STD's you name it are the only thing you will catch in places like that if your not careful. My ex had a very jaded lifestyle. I am currently living in my ex's old bachelor pad since the breakup (I intend to find my own place this summer), but in the very room I am typing there had been a string of strippers and amature porn stars sitting in this very room. He used to go to raves, did every drug imaginable, drank, slept with dozens of girls...even since grade school he never had any steady gf his life was party and party...apparently he liked the easy types. Never dating a girl more than two weeks then off he went.

 

I think once he contracted HIV his slowed up a bit, but still he found plenty of girls to sleep with and still did drugs...he did stop drinking though....because the medication he takes for his HIV is very strong and it will damage your liver in a nano second.

 

Anyway, I was different than the others...I didn't party, drink, do drugs...had great self-esteem, good job, smart, pretty. I didn't feel jealous or worried about his past, because he seen me like a goddess and I know for the first time he loved someone.

 

Having sex with countless people has nothing to do with love.....he tried to change his life to be with me, but the drugs and his insecure nature made him weak.

 

It wasn't other women I worried about it was the fact he has a life threatening illness and he would meet up with his buddies and they would go out looking for easy money or some type of swooty schemes. He would be missing for days and nights on end and come back dirty with garbage in his truck.

 

There would be times where I would look in his pants, shirt, jacket and wallet for indications of other girls, but I never found anything. I stopped doing this long long ago. I think if you have to put that much effort into a relationship that you cannot trust the other person then it's time to call it quits.

 

I don't think it's healthy to investigate the other persons pants pockets or wallet. Worrying about him missing for days only for him to come back trying to give me broken or used furniture he found in the street/garbage.

 

For whatever it's worth I hope that I have helped him in some way to start a better life....but it's going to be without me....it wasn't me he had a problem with it's himself. I really wanted to give him another chance, but I have decided to stay single and he didn't take it well at all....hadn't spoke to him in a week. He is very mad at me and don't want to have anything to do with me or see me again.....I ruined his plans apparently. If I am going to spend anymore nights alone then I will just stay single and in peace!