resignation blues

[denise_14]

...stands for stress.

I am just so stressed with work. The -ber months are insanely demanding as we're reaching the peak of the sales season. And then my boss just resigned and he was replaced with someone who's still inexperienced with the business. Now that puts more pressure and responsibility on my part.

 

Thank goodness for this long weekend because I was able to laze around and catch up on sleep. However, tomorrow's the last day of my rest day. Sigh.

 

It's also sad that we weren't able to maximize the long weekend. Alex was scheduled for a job interview this morning so we couldn't meet up for a date or whatever. Well, I just hope he'll get a job now.

[denise_14]

So here's the catch. Your guy just scheduled an out of town trip just for himself and a few friends and didn't even gave a though of inviting you if you wanna come with him. You don't want to sound too clingy or selfish so you say, "Alright, have fun!" but at the back of your mind, damnnnn....

 

Well, I don't think I'd love to come with him anyway had he asked, I just feel that he should have, at least. I'm sure some ladies out there have had the same feeling. Yeah, we'd like to give our guys that he time he deserves, but there's still that uncomfy feeling... How to get rid of this?

 

I've been trying several ways to just not mind the situation by keeping myself busy. They're kinda working, I think.

 

1. Go out, too!

No. I'm not saying you follow him to wherever planet he is, that's pathetic. But you can maximize the time he's away to also do your stuff like catch up with an old friend (or flame go shopping, or hitting the cinemas. When he gets back, he probably has a lot of stories to share about his trip. You shouldn't be the one outdone. Who knows, he might even be more surprised and interested with yours.

 

2. Read and write

When you read something, you're not confined to your own reality. You'll somehow forget that you miss him. Also, time flies so fast when you read. Go ahead and grab a good book. The next thing you know, at the turn of the last page, he's already at the doorstep.

 

Write anything -a journal entry, an anecdote, a poem, whatever! It feels good after. Try it! If you're into scrapbooking, this is also the perfect time.

 

3. Spend time with family

Quality time with your family is something often disregarded but actually, it can be the best time of your life. Play chess with dad, treat mommy to the salon, or turn on the playstation and challenge your siblings.

 

4. Sleep

Who know, maybe in dreamland, you and your boyfriend are together.

[denise_14]

I've encountered several posts here in ENA about teenagers getting problematic over wanting to have sex but have no place to park in. Many are still living with their parents, so unless parents approve of sleepovers, either our young couples sneak in when the parents aren't looking or out of town. And how frequent does that happen anyway?

[denise_14]

Isn't it ironic that the more technology keeps everyone connected (Internet, mobile phones, social networking sites, etc.), the more we seem to stay out of touch with people and things that truly matter in our lives?

 

Just my thoughts. I have nothing against technology of course; it's awesome. Nevertheless, we must remember it also has it's own downside.

 

Take for example, while strolling in the park one lovely Saturday afternoon, your BlackBerry suddenly alerts an email from your boss (who probably doesn't know what work-life balance is). You can't help but read the message and if possible, attend to it even on a weekend. It's the same story when you're having intimate dinner with family and suddenly, since your mobile phone is enabled with Twitter, you check out the latest Tweet of an office mate or acquaintance (only to find out she's just saying "Just got out of the bathroom").

 

No doubt about it, Facebook really helps you stay updated with your kindergarten BFF even if she's at the other end of the planet. Through photos and status updates, you are already aware of each and everyone's whereabouts ("Oooh, who's this new cute guy in the photo with her?")

 

I just thought that knowing too much of the other person can actually take away the excitement and eagerness of still wanting to meet out with them, in person. Btw, when was the last time you received a greeting card with a handwritten message?

 

Don't become a slave of technology.

[denise_14]

Continuation of my earlier post...

 

Shut up...

your business email and mobile phone when out of office. Unless you're a doctor on call or other similar profession, discipline yourself by not checking your business email and answering calls during holidays and weekends. If you're on BlackBerry, get a separate phone for personal use. Most companies provide a business email under the company's domain (link removed@link removed). If not, create a separate Yahoo or g-Mail for work. That should keep work-related communications out of your personal email inbox. Sometimes, even if you don't plan to work, but if you see an unread mail in your inbox, you will be tempted to check on it.

 

Don't let pictures tell the whole story

It's great to share photos with friends and loved-ones but limit what you post too. Pictures should just be teasers. Photos of your latest travel to a foreign land should just be enough to excite your friends that they can't wait to meet you up again for you to tell your adventures. Also take precautions, for your own privacy and security.

 

Meet up

Starbucks was meant to be a coffee shop, the wi-fi connection is just a bonus. Nothing compares to a good talk over coffee (or beer). Organize sports activities, nature trips, and other forms of physical bonding instead of locking yourself in your room with your laptop. These activities are not only fun, they are also good for your health and well-being.

 

On your own

At the end of the day, the most important person you need to stay in touch with is yourself. You might be too busy with work or following the Tweets of your fave celebs or updating your Status that you forgot to stay in touch with your own reality, your real world and not the cyber world. Take some quiet time for yourself. Turn off all gadgets, relax, get a massage, pray. You might be surprised how refreshed and renewed you will actually feel afterwards.

[denise_14]

Merry Christmas

and a

Happy New Year!!!

 

I may not have been an active member for the last two quarters of this year, but my heart goes out to everyone in the forum! The best gift anyone can give is a piece of oneself. For all those who tirelessly interact with other members, empathizing and giving advise, and to the hardworking admin and mods... kudos! Let's always try to be a blessing to others... that's the spirit of Christmas!

 

Cheers to 2k11!

[denise_14]

New Year's Resolution, anyone?

 

I've got my list. Well, they're not entirely resolutions; some others are plans and expectations...

 

1. Fulfillment, career-wise

2. Be able to hear mass every Sundays

3. Pursue my planned vacation for 2011

4. Save enough for mom and dad's wedding anniversary treat

5. Take a driving refresher course (and be able to apply it)

6. Manage my expenses more efficiently

7. Be more physically active

8. Be a better girl friend

9. More time for ENA

10. Have a blast for 2011!

[denise_14]

Wow, this would be my first post for 2011. I probably missed a lot of good reads. There are also many new names; the family is growing. Nice.

 

I'm extremely busy with work, and that's good! All my life, I've always wanted to feel needed at workplace, to create value, to find stability. Things are slowly but surely falling into place now.

 

I must continue to work my way up the corporate ladder even if it means giving up a few hours of sleep or passing up fun night outs. It'll be worth it...it must!

 

Looking back at my Resolution list, it seems I've only got item #1 checked. Boy, that doesn't look good, considering we're almost half way 2011! #3 will soon materialize ( September to be exact). Booked plane tickets already, so I guess that's a check too.

 

As for #8? Hmmm.... :sad:

[denise_14]

The mood was all in jest that night when we exchanged SMS and planned to meet again. The idea seemed too good to be true, but I looked forward to it anyway. The nights thereafter I had been sleepless. I kept thinking about how we’ll spend the time together - where we’ll possibly go or what we’ll talk about. I also psyched myself that in case he suddenly cancels the date, it shouldn’t be a big deal. And I will be fine. Guilt crept up too and I thought of backing out. I never wanted to cheat on my boyfriend. He’s been very kind and loyal to me. But the yearning to be with Phil was so strong - an inner battle in which I am the perennial loser. The moment I have long been waiting for came. And it felt as if all the elements of the earth conspired to make it happen. We agreed to meet at the parking lot of a supermarket near my office. At first, I didn’t know what to expect. Would it be just one of those friendly hang-outs? Would it end up as a heart-to-heart talk between ex-lovers and finally put closure? I felt nervous as I walked towards his car but as I got in, his welcoming smile instantly made me at ease. Everything was normal, light, and fun as we drove off and conversed while on the road. We went to the same resort-hotel where we used to stay a few years back. The place hasn’t changed much. We watched TV while pigging out on fries and burgers. We talked nonsense and laughed our hearts out. This was what I’ve been longing for for the past three years. There’s no other place in this world where I felt most secure and serene… only here… right beside Phil. When it was time to put off the lights and go to sleep, I prayed the night would never end. And just when I thought he was already asleep, he wrapped his arm around me and kissed me. His kiss felt brand new that it brought me a surge of excitement yet at the same time wrapped me with an immense, familiar passion. This kiss once belonged to me. This was the kind of love I’ve known and it was all I ever wanted. I felt his hand unhooked my bra and reached for my boobs. I knew that this one thing would lead to another. I didn’t stop him; instead, I let him do as he pleased. He went down on me and after a while positioned himself over me. I completely surrendered myself. The passion transcended the physical as I felt my soul was filled with bliss that was almost surreal. This was the first time we made love. Well, we almost did a few years ago but when he was about to enter me, I refused for the reason that I was still a virgin back then and wasn’t ready yet. This time, everything felt so right, except for the fact that I’m already in a relationship with someone else. I wasn’t so sure if he’s got a girlfriend either. But one thing was for sure, making love has never felt that good, and for all I know, that would be our first and last…

[denise_14]

I hate to admit this but indeed, I was a certified workaholic last year. I forgot what work-life balance means. I checked my office email during weekends when I’m supposed to be relaxing and spending time with loved-ones. I worked like a security guard (7am to 7pm shift). The worst part, I didn’t file overtime work for most of the hours beyond my 8 hours. Looking back, I realized that if I did get paid for all the extra minutes I worked beyond the required hours, I could have been one Prada or Coach richer.

 

 

Handling Logistics was tough. Like a doctor, you need to be “on-call”. I will never forget the experience. Right now, there’s a lot of movement going on and I’m feeling that my boss is grooming me for Marketing, my first love. For 2012, my goal is to get promoted, or at least make my boss notice that I deserve a promotion in the next 2 years. I’ve never been this driven. It feels good.

 

 

On another note, I also promise to give myself the rest and pleasure I deserve. I will pursue other interests after 5pm. After all, I wasn’t born to be an employer. I’m also a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, a sorority girl, a party girl. Yeah! Bring in the tequila. I’m back.

 

 

I’m really excited for what’s in store this year. And more importantly, I hope to be able to account all the great (and even bad) things that would come my way through my ENA journal.

[denise_14]

I still think about my ex. I still miss him. I still hope that someday, we'll get back together.

It's been 5 years and I still feel this way. If this ain't love, then please tell me what it is...

 

Madness. It's stupid, I know. I'm already in a relationship and yet I still long to be with Phil. I also love my boyfriend. I enjoy every time spent with him. But at the end of the day, when I 'm on my own, I still think about Phil. I know it's unfair for Alex. He has no idea that I still feel something for my ex. If he finds out, he'd definitely get hurt. I don't want that to happen. And I know I don't want to lose him either.

 

Feelings. They say for as long as you don't act on your feelings, they will remain that way - mere feelings. They will soon fade away. I control any urge to contact him, to let him know how I feel. But I don't know for how long I can do this. Someday, I'm gonna burst.

 

Passion. I want to make love with him. His not the best lover, but I would give up everything just to feel him once again. To kiss him, to feel him inside him, just writing this down right now makes me tremble.

 

Friendship. He is my friend. An inspiration. Someone I look up to. At the same time, he is the driving force of my success. He is an achiever. I want to be just the same. I compete with him. I want to be the best for him. Needless to say, he brings out the best of me and he's not even aware of it. Damn.

 

Downfall. Not having him is my biggest failure... Letting him go would always be the biggest regret in my lifetime.I know I can't have him. I'm content and happy.

[denise_14]

...after 8 friggin' years!

 

I can't believe it's been that long. I actually forgot my password already so I had to recover my old (as in high school days) e-mail linked to this account so that I could log in again. I'm feeling equally nostalgic and excited!

 

I still need to get used to this again. I see a lot of new members already and I wonder what happened to my contemporaries. As soon as I was able to log in, I tried to retrieve this journal. I'm so glad it's still here! I read all my entries again and it's like I'm getting to know my self once more. Hello, old me! Meet the 8-year older Denise. Some things never change...

 

I've never written a journal entry elsewhere since my last post here. It's funny, I observed just now that I did have a writing style and a trademark smiley. Let's see in the next few posts if my writing style has changed.

 

I missed giving advice and connecting with fellow members. I hope I still have it in me, you know... the empathy and being able to honestly articulate my opinions without being too judgemental and hurting the feelings of others. After all, we all came here to seek advice, not to be judged. I will also have my share of heartaches, issues, inspirations and would greatly appreciate all the love I can get from this community.

 

But for now, let's take it slow...one post at a time.

And here's my trademark smiley ^_^

 

P.S. For those who still remember me, feel free to PM

[denise_14]

Funny I started this journal because I wanted an outlet where I can vent about losing my job back then. I had about 2 or 3 more resignation 'episodes' until I finally achieved the career fulfilment and stability. I rose from the ranks - got promoted every 2 years and became a full-pledged manager in my late 20's. A lot of perks come with the job, but my favorite is the part where I got to travel a lot, both locally and internationally. Of course, I enjoyed a more than decent salary so I was able to support my family and splurge a bit. It seemed nothing can go wrong, until...

 

The company entered a merger and as expected, a re-org followed. Definitely not everyone will be part of the new organization. I was offered a new role but I declined and opted out, taking with me a hefty separation package considering my years of service. This is the part where you, dear readers, are probably now asking "What the hell has gotten into you?".

 

Sometimes, I don't know the answer too. I've got several reasons and not sure which one made the most sense...

 

The need to move out of my comfort zone, diversify my experience or simply put, a career change. Check. Want to start my own business. Check. A hurting pride and ego. Definitely. Misguided and poor decision-making. Quite a bit. Lack of confidence to the new management. Check. Dampened spirit. Unfortunately.

 

So here I am again, writing about my self-inflicted misery. They say job loss is a major, life-changing event just like death, heartbreak from failed relationships, or relocating to a new town or country. I strongly agree. These disruptions cause major stress to any person, I am definitely no exemption. I was almost at the brink of depression. Looking back at my older posts, I recalled how sad I felt for leaving a 3-month long stint. Imagine how hard it is now to lose the job and be separated from colleagues I've had for more than a decade already.

 

Who in his or her right mind would want to be unemployed in the midst of a pandemic? Who will trade a life of security over uncertainty...the unknown?

 

Did I have regrets? Sometimes. Am I better now? Getting there. When will I be employed again? I'll let you know.