Ever Feel Like

[thouse]

You are just going through the motions of your day, but not really feeling or connecting with anyone or anything. I take sleeping pills at night so that I can sleep without all the thoughts that run around in my head during the day. That is my only chance at peace. Then when the pills wear off the thoughts start so I know it's time to get up and I just go about my day kind of in my own world, and it sucks. It sucks that someone has that kind of control over another person's life. It sucks that another person has the ability to make you sad and angry. I wish I knew how to take back the power over my life, hell even over my mood and appetite.

[Kahdeksan]

I know what you're going through and I'm sorry you have to go through them... As hard as it is for me to say and for you to know, but he has NO control over you. Like me, you are at a stage where time draws out like a week in a day, you're encapsulated in your own thoughts, in your own world, in a void which your ex has left you in.

 

I'm slowly crawling out of this void... and realizing that I have to let her go. I also recognize the qualities of forgiving someone instead of holding onto the anger and hate. Because hate can grow like a cancer - and in silence and solitude - it is exceptionally corrosive and poisonous.

 

You have the right to be ANGRY, so use THAT instead of your hate against your ex to cope if you will, and pull through these tough times. I hope you fare better in the time to come, as I know I will, so I hope that you will too.

 

Sending you lots of love and an ocean away's worth of warmth!! You'll get through this!

[thouse]

Thanks, it just feels like he is in control right now because when I wake up and when I go to sleep and anytime in between I think of him. I analyze every conversation and comment that he and I make trying to make some sense of it. I went to the store about an hour ago, and every couple with a baby made me so sad. I had that dream for us, I just want to feel better. I know I have to make a conscience effort to do that. I just wake up in the morning and tell myself he doesn't want you, love you, or care about the fact that you are hurting.

[itsallgrand]

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly.

 

Are you ready to start to get some more control over your self?

 

There are things you can do to help speed along the process. Like taking extra special care of your body. What you do. What you allow in to your self and what you focus on.

 

Those sleeping pills. A good place to start would be to work on getting off of those. I'm assuming a doctor prescribed them to you? You could make an appointment to discuss getting your body back on track and getting off those pills.

 

A body and brain just can't function properly without proper sleep. It's so simple and basic but can make a world of difference. That should be a priority for you right now. Natural, normal and consistent sleep.

 

I know it feels very hard, but you can do this. Just try to do all you can do to keep showing yourself that you do have a say, you do have control: small steps, goals, things you do for yourself to show yourself you can do this. And it has nothing to do with him. This is all for you and by you.

 

tc

[thouse]

I know the sleeping pills are bad. It's just over-the-counter sleeping pills, but still they are not good, I have tried just trying to sleep naturally and it just doesn't happen. I just lay there thinking, which is what I want to stop doing. Stop thinking. I need rest I have a job, a son, and classes that start in two weeks. I was supposed to graduate with my AA in the summer and I let this crap sidetrack me to the point that I had to drop my classes I can't let that happen this semester so I need to get it together. I just need to snap out of this.

[itsallgrand]

Is that the sort of thing you say to yourself, thouse ?

 

Snap out of it?! Gee. If only life were so easy! If only things went according to all OUR plans.

 

I was honestly surprised by the tone of your last post. All of a sudden it's super "gotta do this, should, must, can't, do this" stuff being thrown out there.

 

Get angry at me if you like, but that stuff will kill you. That sort of pressure and expectations. Trying to force things to go a certain way.

 

So this has thrown you for a loop. So certain things might have to wait a bit longer, or take a bit longer, or you may have make some changes and do some juggling to get it all to work together.

 

It's as big a deal as you make it. S happens, as they say. Roll with it.

 

It's really up to you. You can find all the excuses (reasons as people call them) why you CAN'T take care of yourself as a first priority, why you CAN'T sleep (which you do have some control over if you want to), why you are somehow different because you have a kid and a job and all this (who doesn't have a million responsibilities at our age?).

 

But that will get you more of the same, and you'll wear yourself out in the process. And then what good will you be to anybody or anything? Nothing. You'll get sick and won't be able to even meet the responsibilities you have now.

 

It's up to you to feel crappy about and let it bring you down, or to say "Screw it. It's not the end of the world. It's no reason to lose sleep over. That accomplishes nothing. It's no reason to stop making time for myself. To exercise. To know I am the * * * * . "

 

good luck. I just think - what good is a bunch of accomplishments and such if you are dead? Which is a bit dramatic, but when you put your own health and what is going on with you down and on the bottom of the list, that's where it leads to. You is really all you got in this world and it's what everything else depends upon.

[Kahdeksan]

Thanks, it just feels like he is in control right now because when I wake up and when I go to sleep and anytime in between I think of him. I analyze every conversation and comment that he and I make trying to make some sense of it. I went to the store about an hour ago, and every couple with a baby made me so sad. I had that dream for us, I just want to feel better. I know I have to make a conscience effort to do that. I just wake up in the morning and tell myself he doesn't want you, love you, or care about the fact that you are hurting.

 

Hey, look, HE doesn't want you, but someone special WILL!! Even I know this... now! I have dreams of my ex too, and I used to over analyze the 'what if's' and all that junk that a dumpee would do to wear themselves out. It's a waste of time, and it'll only send us to our doom... because our mind is poisoned by a false sense of hope.

 

I know it's especially hard for you because you have a child, but do this for your child if not for yourself, show your offspring HOW strong you are as a mother! I know you can do this, all you may need is a helping hand, and often than not, your local community support group will be able to help by guiding you in the right direction.

 

Hey, I BET you're a kick ass mum, right? Don't let this one person walk all over you, and for how long will you allow this to take hold before you realize you've neglected your child's needs. A MOTHER!

 

Seek counseling too from a professional if you can afford it.... Join a knitting group or a single mother's group. I tell you what, you'll gather a LOT of courage from them!!

 

Take steps one step at a time, otherwise you'll wear yourself out and all your ambitions may backfire, thus sending you crushing down to a more depressed state.

 

I'm sending you lots and lots of love and warmth! Hang in there, hey? Don't try and do too much by going at this alone, you have TOO MUCH to risk...