6 months on and it still hurts

[Scooter]

Hi everyone,

 

Firstly, a big thanks to everyone on this forum - it has been so helpful listening to everyones advice.

 

I split up with my girlfriend of 4 and half years about 6 months ago and I just can't get her out of my head. I have good days and bad days but I still feel really low and can't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I would love to call her up and talk and find out what she's been up to but I realise I should just leave her be - I've already made a nuisance of myself by bombarding her with phone calls and text messges but all I've probably done is pushed her away. We've had no contact now for about a month. I think she may be with someone else and that hurts like hell. I've tried dating other girls but it's just not the same. I blame myself for the split. She wanted more commitment but I never used to think about it. I was happy with the way things were going. We would see each other at weekends (long distance relationship) and she wanted me to move to her. All I keep going over in my mind is I wish I'd done this and I wish I'd done that and now it's too late. I hate myself for it. Why didn't I act sooner? I know I should try and do what all you guys suggest and busy myself and go out and do stuff but I've absolutely no motivation to do anything. I just think of her all the time and that I've I blown my only opportunity of being with the most gorgeous girl I've ever known. I feel like my life is over. Will this never end?

[Johnny_has]

Hello Scooter,

You can't change what happened. I suggest you severe all ties from this person. Quit calling them and leaving them messages. Everyone thinks "If only I did such and such things would've been different.." Maybe, but maybe not. Either way we cannot change the past.

Time heals all wounds though.

 

Some people might take 6 days to get over a relationship, others 6 years. Take up some new hobbies, socialize with your friends more and don't stay indoors moping! Only time will heal you and then, when you're ready, you'll meet someone even more wonderful Seems impossible now, but it'll happen...

[sueblue]

Hey Scooter,

I am so sorry to hear about your break up. You sound like your are doing the right thing not speaking with her. First you tried to get in touch with her and she has'nt responded, second your thinking where you went wrong and that my friend is a part of healing. Scooter I was in a eight year relationship and I have not heard or seen my ex in three months. I have not tried to contact him because I really want to sort things out for myself. I really know how hard it is going out and doing things without the other person you feel guilty and think that person will come back maybe they will but you have to try and get yourself out and about if only you take a short walk, run errands, visit friends anything to take your mind off things if just for a day. Try not to think to far in the future just take it day by day sometimes hour by hour and even minute by minute. This site is great for advise and friendship your on the right track Scooter. Keep chin up things will get better.

[Boundaries]

Before you go running back to her professing your love and devotion or before you assume she is committed to someone else, lets do some introspection here.

 

At this point, you have done nothing that will back up these words. Sometimes, we could long to be with someone but when we're with them, we can't get away fast enough once we get what we want. So it's important that you ask yourself what it is that you want. Otherwise, getting her back would only repeat the pattern that lead to the break up.

 

Hope for the best but prepare for the worse.

[bdub]

I respectfully disagree with boundaries on what the letter should say. I do agree that making contact after 6 months should be alright, but you are still hurting, and she will see right through it if you try not to be hurting when you write her.

 

I'd work on forgiving yourself some before trying to patch things up. You need to be a "whole person" before you can try to get back a relationship with her. Going back now will probably prove to be more painful in the end than taking it a bit slower and forgiving your mistakes before trying to return.

 

When you do try to contact her, make sure you come from a position of strength, like boundaires said. In order to do that, you really *have to be* in a position of strength, not just pretending that you are there.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub