Did she love her ex and me just as much?

[Kahdeksan]

This got me thinking about loving two people in a relationship, as I was discussing about my ex with a friend. I remember far back to the beginning of our honeymoon period when my ex had asked me if I could love two people. I of course told her that I couldn’t, but if I did, I’d just have thoughts of the other. She didn't say anything, but I knew she was thinking of her ex, they went out for four years...

 

We’ve been living together for two years now, until her recent stint, where she took off. You can read about it below;

 

 

 

I lay awake this morning after a vivid dream I had of us lying on the bed naked. About to get intimate when suddenly some guy bursts through the door and the whole dream got really funky afterwards. I was a scrawny little skinny guy with bad skin tones in the dream, when in reality I’m toned and have beautiful skin. This other guy was bald and ugly and looked liked something out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (this is her ex, who I think is the exact resemblance, . Immediately after we had a scuffle where I later chased him down the hallway of our penthouse floor. Shortly afterwards I woke up...

 

Was I indeed the rebound guy that she was with? And since her ex was out of the picture, not doing the chase but going NC. Could there be a possibility that she’ll get back with him? Knowing what she’s missing? She's back with her parents and he doesn't live too far from them, where as I live out of state, thousands of miles away.

 

There is now distance created between us and even if we were to reconcile, her ex could come between us...

 

I’ve read and heard from friends about couples getting back together with their ex’s several years down the track and all that, but was I indeed the rebound guy? She did, at the beginning of the relationship cheat on me with her ex (who at the time was STILL her boyfriend,) and then broke it off with him on the phone like she did with me.

 

And maybe, that she loved him and me just as much, but differently... or just me in a lesser degree... or am I going loony here getting too into this stuff?

[Jelina]

Well I can't tell you whether or not she did. But I think that you should stop thinking about this, you'll never know the answer. You're only hurting yourself by thinking about this stuff. I know that you must be in alot of pain because she left you, but try to think about yourself now, don't focus any time wondering whether or not she will get back with him. Your only hurting yourself.

[havefaith]

I have been in her shoes. Matter of fact I am right now to tell you the truth.

 

4 words: I can do better.

 

Say that to yourself until you believe it. Don't even RISK playing second fiddle. It's her loss my friend.

[okay]

U’r dream just reflects what U believe: that ex is in a way of U’r relationship.

 

From what U described it seems that she does same thing to her ex as to U, & would do that to anybody—that what U can expect to repeat; it’s who she’s. She could be the type of person who likes imagination better than reality, & what she doesn’t have may always look better.

 

It’s possible that if U don’t bother her & let her imagination work, she would want to get back w/ U, but why would U want this kind of rel?

 

I agree w/ “havefaith” there’re other options—other women. U don’t want to be in this crappy relationship.

[Kahdeksan]

Well I can't tell you whether or not she did. But I think that you should stop thinking about this, you'll never know the answer. You're only hurting yourself by thinking about this stuff. I know that you must be in alot of pain because she left you, but try to think about yourself now, don't focus any time wondering whether or not she will get back with him. Your only hurting yourself.

 

It's not actually affecting me all that much, just a thought that popped into my head in a conversation. I also feel as if it would be easier to forgive her if she did go out with me on a rebound, as I'd have closure then, as opposed to her promising that she'd be back but instead ends up leaving.

 

I have been in her shoes. Matter of fact I am right now to tell you the truth.

 

4 words: I can do better.

 

Say that to yourself until you believe it. Don't even RISK playing second fiddle. It's her loss my friend.

 

Thank you, but it's still hard. I'm now just sitting on the fence, where as before I was leaning toward the danger zone.

 

U’r dream just reflects what U believe: that ex is in a way of U’r relationship.

 

From what U described it seems that she does same thing to her ex as to U, & would do that to anybody—that what U can expect to repeat; it’s who she’s. She could be the type of person who likes imagination better than reality, & what she doesn’t have may always look better.

 

It’s possible that if U don’t bother her & let her imagination work, she would want to get back w/ U, but why would U want this kind of rel?

 

I agree w/ “havefaith” there’re other options—other women. U don’t want to be in this crappy relationship.

 

She's done this to all of her boyfriends. Every single one of them! Leave them when the opportunity arises where she's not in a confrontational role, like face to face... It's sad but then when I think of her, and how she strives to be a good person I get all emotional, not angry... I also realize that I cannot be her saviour.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Whether or not you were a rebound and whether or not she gets back together with her ex is neither here nor there for you. It is over between the two of you, she treated you badly, she is a totally messed up individual and she will continue to hurt men right down the line unless she suddenly wakes up and realizes she is majorly messed up and needs to fix herself (not likely to happen). Count your blessings that she is out of your life and don't waste another minute of your precious life wondering about her. She is not worth wondering about.

[Kahdeksan]

Whether or not you were a rebound and whether or not she gets back together with her ex is neither here nor there for you. It is over between the two of you, she treated you badly, she is a totally messed up individual and she will continue to hurt men right down the line unless she suddenly wakes up and realizes she is majorly messed up and needs to fix herself (not likely to happen). Count your blessings that she is out of your life and don't waste another minute of your precious life wondering about her. She is not worth wondering about.

 

It's very hard not to have thoughts of her... the good, the bad, they all just well up... I know I HAVE to do this, and with the help and advice I've received from these forums, it gets easier.