Kahdeksan Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 We'll get through this. Believe me. You were right about the situation. People change, but relationships take hard work from both ends. Communication, I've found, is crucial to success. If someone is given the opportunity to change, but doesn't, then you will have a problem... I know you don't want to hear this, but you really deserve a lot more than what you had. The qualities of understanding that you have are really amazing. Just keep that up. You will be a success. Thanks bro... again, I'm in need of support. It's quite late in the night, or early in the morning where I am, I should say... and it's just so lonely when I come home to an empty house. I get mails that are addressed to her, her credit accounts and her dental appointment mails came in today... As I read them I kept telling myself, I've let her go, I have to let her go... I'm gonna keep on truckin' though!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve 7745 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 All I can say is that I'm sorry for your situation. You can't help people sometimes. You can't love someone and expect them to start loving themselves. Some people are just an empty hole that you cannot fill no matter what you do for them. Her parents have tried their hardest to that for 18+ years, what makes you think you can do better? Good intentions aren't enough. Just give her the stuff back and get on with your life. Don't ever let someone disrespect you like that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kahdeksan Posted August 2, 2008 Author Share Posted August 2, 2008 I've gained a lot of insight from these forums, and I know I can't help her unless she wants help and me to support her while she's getting help. But that's too unlikely to ever happen, me being there for her.... It does look like I'm defending her, but I am not, she does have goodness in her, and in time I hope this does conquer her insecurities. I really do, even if we're not together. I just care about her, more than enough, to wantto see her go through a fulfilling change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okay Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Please don’t take my rhetorical question as accusation. I was trying to show U that there’s contradiction: I suggested that U may feel attracted only to people whom U can feel sorry for, & U replied that U didn’t know she was problematic, even though she didn’t have qualities U looked for-- loving, caring, and committed(I’d say it’s pretty big indicator that she was problematic). Overall if you look at your answers, U see that what’s most important to U is her problems; it’s what attaches U to her/what U think & write about. The point of this: U need to research/read books & think about how U can care about someone whom U don’t have to worry about, & who doesn’t need fixing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kahdeksan Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Please don’t take my rhetorical question as accusation. I was trying to show U that there’s contradiction: I suggested that U may feel attracted only to people whom U can feel sorry for, & U replied that U didn’t know she was problematic, even though she didn’t have qualities U looked for-- loving, caring, and committed(I’d say it’s pretty big indicator that she was problematic). Overall if you look at your answers, U see that what’s most important to U is her problems; it’s what attaches U to her/what U think & write about. The point of this U need to research/read books & think about how U can care about someone whom U don’t have to worry about, & who doesn’t need fixing. I'm terribly sorry if I came off that way, such was not my intention... In fact, your questions have given me a far more insightful perspective than I had previously given it the thought. She put on a show - her ex even calls her two faced - so initially I did think she was loving, caring and committed. She even said she wanted to marry me, and that with my ethnic appearance we'd have the most gorgeous looking babies. Slowly though I kept battling my own thoughts about her being anything but those qualities that she raved on about. Her problems were important to me because I still do love her, but I am starting to understand that there is nothing I can do to make her change. I have no control over her. I have to let her go... as much as it hurts. I guess I don't like the fact that I've failed, failed to provide for her and to help her... slowly I am now getting the perspective here that I have no control over her life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okay Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 If U'r goal to move on, the best way to do it, is to have new things to do. Find ways to keep U'r self busy, find new hobbies. That way U have more options in U'r head to think about, & won't be stuck on her. Think of things U want to do in U'r life & do the ones U can. I'm not saying to ignore the problem. What I'm saying is that when U feel low, U can't come up good solution, but if U give U'r self a brake things may become more clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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