bellanicola003 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Ok, so figure out what you're going to say and be honest! Good Luck! PS. Maybe tell him to sell the car to give to the live in so she could move out? Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Ok, so figure out what you're going to say and be honest! Good Luck! PS. Maybe tell him to sell the car to give to the live in so she could move out? I am sitting here now thinking about what I want to say. I just hope I don't get all emotional I hate feeling like that and crying. Anyways that's a good idea about the car. He bought me a an old thunderbird to fix up (I like cars) but if that would help I would gladly let him sell it for her. Thanks to you and DN I had my doubts about the decision I had made, and I actually thought I would get flamed here because of the circumstances but you too have really helped me. I almost let pride and impatience get in the way of the bigger picture, and that is that I love him very much and I should atleast give it a chance. Link to comment
bellanicola003 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 No problem! One thing to remember is that you are human and so are we. We all make mistakes, do things we're not proud of, and get caught in horrible situations beyond our control! So...let he without sin cast the first stone! You've done nothing wrong here and neither has he...sometimes things happen beyond our wildest dreams and are maybe more than we can handle, but it's been given to us for a reason. I love to love and I love relationships - especially relationships that work. If you two can work on the reasons why you broke up in the first place, work on those issues if need be worked on, and have a united front like I wrote before, then this could work. Just try not to be mean to the ex and her baby, because she's been caught up with this too. You can only imagine how that poor girl feels. No one wants to be a new mommy and needing to find a new place because it didn't work with the daddy due to bad circumstances (like rebound relationships). He needs to treat her with respect and love that baby no matter what and that could drive you wild. But, just think...if you were her...wouldn't you deserve the same? It says wonders on the kind of man he is...again, we just get caught in a rip tide sometimes and it's hard to find the way out...but loved ones are always there to pick us up! PM me anytime you need to talk! Good Luck and be strong! PS. It's ok to cry if you need to! *winks* Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 You know something he said that to me. He said that he needed to respect her while she was there, and I pitched a fit because I couldn't understand why. Now I do I never thought about from that perspective. I can only imagine how she must feel, to walk into a situation where he wasn't over his ex, and then to have a child. I'm sure she had this whole idea that they were going to be a family and it's not turning out like that, it must be hard for her. Her child I wouldn't treat any different it's not the baby's fault. You have helped me to see it in a different light. He's so in love with his son I can see it when he talks about him. That sometimes makes me sad because I don't have that with him, but I guess that is something I will just have to deal with. Link to comment
bellanicola003 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Yes, it definitely is something you'll have to deal with and respect. You never know, you may work things out, get married and then have little bambino's of your own! I'm glad I could help as well! Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 He didn't show up. He didn't call to say that he wasn't coming. I feel stupid for reaching out. I don't know if he did this to hurt me or what? I just know it hurts. I fell asleep waiting for him and woke up around 2 a.m. I called and didn't get an answer, then I called at 4. I turned my phone off because I can so see myself leaving ugly voice and text messages, and I don't want to go that route. I know I hurt him Monday but this is mean too. I opened up and this is what he does. I can't even sleep now, I just have all kinds of thoughts going on (of him and her together) maybe I'm too late. Link to comment
DN Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Well, if he doesn't have a good reason, then you no longer have a any doubt that the relationship is over and that he wasn't worth your time. It is always better to be sure than have lingering doubts that the relationship could have been saved. If he does call and had a good reason listen to him first before telling him to get lost - but he needs to have a very good reason. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Well, if he doesn't have a good reason, then you no longer have a any doubt that the relationship is over and that he wasn't worth your time. It is always better to be sure than have lingering doubts that the relationship could have been saved. If he does call and had a good reason listen to him first before telling him to get lost - but he needs to have a very good reason. I really can't think of any reason good enough. I think he did this to hurt me or give me a dose of my medicine, but I can't be sure though. He must have been hurt pretty badly or just be a really spiteful person to allow me to open up to him and say that he wanted to talk, and in the same instance blow me off. Link to comment
DN Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I really can't think of any reason good enough. I think he did this to hurt me or give me a dose of my medicine, but I can't be sure though. He must have been hurt pretty badly or just be a really spiteful person to allow me to open up to him and say that he wanted to talk, and in the same instance blow me off.Well, short of an accident or something happening with the baby there is no excuse. If he were doing it to hurt yoiu back that would be pathetic. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Well, short of an accident or something happening with the baby there is no excuse. If he were doing it to hurt yoiu back that would be pathetic. He called and said he was exhausted and fell asleep, he said he didn't even make it to his mother's get together that she had for her bday because he was just tired. I don't know that I believe that but that's what he said. I don't know.... he said he would be here today so......... Link to comment
DN Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Hmmm - not impressive. But still - I suppose it's worth making the effort. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I would have very different advice if he weren't living with this girl, but he is. Does she even know that he is talking about getting together with you? I honestly don't have a lot of respect for a man who would be making plans to be with another woman when he has the mother of his child living in his house. He is being disrespectful to her AND you, and could be lying to both of you, telling you he wants to be with you, and lettng her think he is with her and they are all a happy little family with a new baby. So there is a chance he fell asleep, but an equally good chance he is lying to her and she thinks they are together and something came up and he couldn't get away to see you. So you could be his girl on the side if he is lying to both of you. Also, if money is an issue and he sincerely wants to get her out of his house, why is he buying you a car? Shouldn't he be putting money down on an apt. and moving her out with that money rather than buying you a car? It sounds like he is trying to buy you off so that he can still live with this woman and child. The point is you shouldn't be seeing him at all until she is out of his house, if that ever really happens. When you meet him, tell him that you MIGHT consider a relationship with him after she moves out, but he needs to get that whole thing straight with this woman and child, and when he does, he can call you. Until that time, you will just be friends (no sex). He also needs to give you a concrete timeframe, and it should be in the near future, within a few months. But if it is longer than that (or he doesn't follow thru with the plan), then you have to consider he is not serious about moving her out, and just wants to keep both of you. Link to comment
Jelina Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I agree with BeStrong, I think he might be lying to both of you. I think it's best to stay away from him until she moves out of the house and you know you could trust him. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I agree with you. It's just hard to accept but you are right. Thanks. Link to comment
DN Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I am not sure that I agree about not giving him a chance until the girl and the baby are out of the house. In theory that might be fine but in practice it is not necessarily that easy. She has a baby to consider - and so does he. So he needs to make sure that the baby is safe and secure and that has to be a primary consideration. As I said before - if you can trust him not to have sex with her then the fact she is living there shouldn't be an issue. He could cheat with her wherever she is and the temptation will still be there because he will need to see the child. Trust is the key issue here. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I am not sure that I agree about not giving him a chance until the girl and the baby are out of the house. In theory that might be fine but in practice it is not necessarily that easy. She has a baby to consider - and so does he. So he needs to make sure that the baby is safe and secure and that has to be a primary consideration. As I said before - if you can trust him not to have sex with her then the fact she is living there shouldn't be an issue. He could cheat with her wherever she is and the temptation will still be there because he will need to see the child. Trust is the key issue here. DN, I messed it up anyhow. Come to find out Friday when I broke up with him, the girl had alreay moved out. He let me do all that because according to him today "I should have trusted what he was telling me from the beginning" I guess he feels hurt that I didn't trust him. Mind you we've been bestfriends for about 12years and known each other 20 years. He feels like I should have known I could trust him what he was saying. Anyhow when he told me this I lost it. I felt betrayed that he would let me go through the whole ordeal of breaking up with him when the situation was already resolved. I got mad and hung up on him today, and when I tried to call back he wouldn't answer. I would say that I have royally screwed this up. Link to comment
DN Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well, the situation was sketchy so he should have understood a little better and not put you through that - it wasn't a cool thing to do. But then you shouldn't lose it on him either. You two need to find a better way to deal with each other than this. So call him up, leave a message and say that to him. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well, the situation was sketchy so he should have understood a little better and not put you through that - it wasn't a cool thing to do. But then you shouldn't lose it on him either. You two need to find a better way to deal with each other than this. So call him up, leave a message and say that to him. I sent it to him in a text, but he hasn't replied. So I am just gonna leave him alone I really don't see how I could be totally at fault for this. He has to understand that this was hard for me to deal with. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 You aren't totally at fault. DN, I know I'm totally not at fault, but at this point I don't care who's at fault. I just want things back to the way they were before I broke up with him Friday. He was treating just the way I always wanted him too, he was trying and my impatience messed it up. Now what? Do you think I should back off and let him come to me? I don't really express myself good in person so what do you think about a letter? I just don't want to push him away any further. Link to comment
DN Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think a letter is an excellent idea. Make sure it says what you want but not aggressively and not in a way that could be seen as blaming anyone. The idea is to get him to negotiate and compromise - something both of you need to do. And he also needs to know that you love him and be reassured about that. Link to comment
thouse Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 I think a letter is an excellent idea. Make sure it says what you want but not aggressively and not in a way that could be seen as blaming anyone. The idea is to get him to negotiate and compromise - something both of you need to do. And he also needs to know that you love him and be reassured about that. After thinking last night I decided against a letter. I have decided that I am sabotaging myself because I don't have control of my emotions right now and I am driving him crazy. I am just gonna take a step back and just let him contact if he feels like he wants to, and if he does I will just be open and warm to him. Right now I need to get myself together. Link to comment
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