independantgal Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Yesterday I wrote here about how someone I used to like hurt me... Heres the link if your interested We talked stuff over last night, and I was firm etc about how much he hurt me, he apologised etc said he made a mistake. I said im willing to try to be friends as long as he never EVER did anything like that again, not being treated like dirt etc. He said he understood. Its been one day. And I feel suffocated for some reason....I don't know if I can do this...and he was texting me last night saying 'Do you think we will ever be as good friends as we were?' and I said 'I don't know I guess we will find out' then he text back saying 'I hope so there was a lot of trust between us and we were very open as friends....I liked that.' I didn't text back, because I just had no idea how to respond. I don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 IS this a friendship based on shared interests, a shared values and standards compass, a respect and acceptance of each other's character, integrity and intelligence? Or is this one of those "i like your attention" on both sides of it - and lots of "feelings" are in play? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 If you still have any lingering romantic interest in this guy I would be careful about settling for friendship regardless of how he hurt you before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
independantgal Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 More of the first one. I used to have feelings for him, but those have now completley gone, because of what he did. I'm not interested in attention from him. We just had a lot in common at the time and got on well, thats why I decided to try and get past what happened. Although everything seems to be different now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Well, you say initially you liked his attention - it make you feel positively about yourself, and you share some interests or goals in life. Now youo're saying you don't really think his attention means you're so "all that' - and you still share interests or goals in which there is commonality. So now you'd be having an association bsed on those shared inteerests and goals...not becuase you think him giving you attention sends the message that you're a worthwhile person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
independantgal Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 Yeah, your right. So on the whole, it isn't going to be or feel the same. Even saying that though, when I was talking to some other male friends yesterday I had a lot of positive regard and respect for them, and I just got to thinking about him and whether I would ever be able to care for him or his well being etc like I do for my other male friends. I suppose thats to be expected if we have only been talking for a day...given time that may change. But I just keep wondering if there really is any point. I feel a little low or maybe...bored when I talk to him, or just that I'm not really interested in anything he has to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Do you respect his intelligence, abilities and successes to date? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
independantgal Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 erm...part of me does yes...but whenever I start to try to think of him in a positive light I have like a warning within me saying: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO YOU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excalibur Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Well, in not knowing 'what he did to you" - it's hard to respond to that. If you were being self-responsible and self-accountable in your involvement with him and he violated you in some way - you'd want to question your willingness to revinvolve at any level. If it was just that you two don't share standards and so there were some unmet expectations on both sides -that's a different story. I mean, he didn't cause your feelings, and so he coudln't have fixed them...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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