Why am I here, and what am I doing? Depression

[Anon333]

Sometimes I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and my mood is ultra sensitive, my patience is thin, and I feel kind of hopeless about my future and what I am doing. I have had a history of depression in the past, and I have been feeling good about keeping that depression at bay for the last year, but I think it is because I havent had a boyfriend or a real relationship to rattle me up into dispear.

 

Here I am, 28, just moved away from my home town to live with my sister and brother in law and take care of me niece. I have been taking care of my niece for a few months and was planning on taking care of her till next year and then deciding what to do. Well that got cut short, and my sister found a day care she would have had a hard time getting her into that had a spot. SO starting September, I need to find a different job. That was kinda a disruption to my plans.

 

This morning, my niece would not stop crying and was over tired, most days I can handle it, but today it just felt overwhelming and I felt like crying myself. Thank god she finally went to sleep, but taking care of a baby is hard work, and sometimes I get depressed about my life. I feel like I am going through the motions and routines of life with no real purpose. I have not been with anyone since last year, and feel kind of lonely. But I also have high anxiety and social problems meeting people. I also have recently tried dieting, and I feel like the more I am trying to diet, even if I am loosing some weight, I feel depressed and fat. I know alot of people have it so much worse than me and I should be counting my lucky stars, but sometimes I just cant help but to feel depressed about my life. This doesnt really have a point..I think I just wanted to get it out there.....I guess there is alot more I could say.....For some reason the more depressed I feel the more fat and hopeless I feel....

[arwen]

Hi Anon,

 

I am sorry things feel so dark in your life. Depression can be like a dark cloud that blurs everything you perceive. Are you getting treatment for your depression? It's an awful disease, I speak from experience. But I can also tell you that it CAN get better. The world will look very different- but the change is inside yourself.

 

What have you studied? Would it be an idea to get yourself educated in a field that you feel you would like working in? I think that a regular job would make you more satisfied than taking care of your niece. Not because that is no work, but because it's your family and it's hard to see it as 'work'. In addition, unless you want to be a professional nanny, it is no 'careerjob'. At 'our' age, jobs ideally involve training of some sort, to get your career started.

 

Take care

[Jetta]

Have you thought of working in a childcare center or becoming a nanny? If that doesn't interest you find something that does and go get training. Like arwen said are you receiving treatment for your depression? It's something you can't just live with if it's serious.