Mumblings...

[Weeblie]

So my other sister got engaged tonight.

 

I'm thrilled for her, but a part of me feels kind of like crap. Wow. This year has been chock full of changes. I want some of that too.

[Weeblie]

Where I live, that means take off the scarf, then put on a tank top and some shorts.

 

Anyway, the wedding was so much fun last night. I think it was my first Spanish wedding ever and wow...the service takes forever! When I get married it's going to be a short service. I don't need all that candle lighting, walking around, bread breaking stuff. I want to get right to the partying.

[Weeblie]

Installing laminate again today. For some reason whenever my dad and I work together, it's a rather frustrating experience. On the other hand, I work with my mom and we're completely in sync. It's like my dad has no faith in what I can do, he thinks I'm impatient, when really, I'm just efficient.

 

Just a few mintues ago, he started giving me a lecture about how I need to be patient and that a little bit of patience will yield beautiful results. Ugh.

 

I'm kind of tired of being a patient person. Does there really always need to be a wait? NO!

 

Though, I suppose that's the lesson I'm supposed to be learning today. Read a couple of stories about chilling out and having faith that everything will work out. Still. I'm kind of annoyed with the wait. I'm sick of being second picked. I'm sick of waiting for people to get their act together.

 

Argh...yeah not about laminate anymore.

Really the problem isn't that I'm 2nd choice or that I have to wait. The problem is that I'm not ready.

 

I mean the wait usually disappears when you stop putting up with that kind of crap and get on with your life.

[Weeblie]

Blah. Just blah.

 

So I'm irritated because two items of clothing I had listed on ebay taken down because I used photos from the catalog. Something about intellectual property infringement and blah blah blah. So ok, I get it. J.Crew owns those photos and all that crap. But then another part of me is like...are you serious? I'm getting hassle over photos of clothing that is over 2 years old? Not only that, hassle over photos that are no longer available on their website? Oh! And God forbid that they just take down the photos, they have to shut down the entire listing. Don't they have anything better to do? I mean, I'd understand if I was selling brand new stuff...but old crap?

 

And I'm super pissed off that it's spring, the season of love and I'm still single. I'm mad that the penpal has a girlfriend. I'm mad that both my sisters are married (well practically). I'm mad that C flirts with me, but yet is dating some girl that can barely speak English and will probably be gone in a few months when helloooooo...I'm right here! I'm pissed off that nearly every guy I've been interested always seems to meet some other girl around the same time something starts between us (I mean really, the last 5 guys this has happened with!!!). And I'm pretty sure that this is some sort of crazy bizarro weirdness that I am attracting to myself, so really in some unfair annoying way...it's my fault I always have competition. Brown haired blue eyed competition. Every. Stinking. Time.

 

What the heck?

 

Enough already! I'm tired of this. I just want a guy who thinks I'm so awesome that he only has eyes for me. A guy who'll make time to see me and is so super excited about spending time with me, he makes plans in advance. Oh and I want compliments and thoughtful sweet gestures and lots of cuddling too.

 

Geez louise.

 

Part of me wants to act like some two-year old and pick a fight with foreign girl because I'm tired of stepping aside and letting all these stupid girls go out with the guy I was interested in. I mean all my life I've been doing that kind of nonsense. Why do I do that? I deserve to be happy too. I'm worth it.

 

Though I feel like quite a douche bag writing that I'm worth it and that I deserve it. What's that about? Everyone deserves love.

 

I DESERVE LOVE!!!!!

 

Like that cheesy L'oreal commercial...I'm worth it!

 

 

Hm. Now I feel dorky instead of angry. I guess that's an improvement.

Whatever. I'm going to go eat some chocolate cake.

[Weeblie]

I've had thousands of problems in my life, most of which never actually happened.

- Mark Twain

 

Hung out with B yesterday. Oddly enough, I haven't really talked to him about what had happened with C, so hearing his perspective was refreshing. B said that what happened was probably very similar to what always happens with me...when I like someone, I can't talk to them and I screw things up big time. But when I'm not interested in someone, they're super easy to talk to. So maybe C had the same problem. It was easier to go after foreign girl because he wasn't as interested in her. It's weird to think that C might be shy like I am, but it would explain a LOT of things.

 

Anyway, I came accross that quote this morning and it made me think of how I've behaved around C. Avoiding him, taking forever to call, talking to everyone else but him...yeah. All that stupid stuff is because I guess I've got this fear of rejection. Which is dumb because like in the quote, there's no guarantee that would've happened. Kind of kicking myself for acting so high school all the time.

 

But B says that I've come along way when it comes to this dating stuff. He says that, 4-5 years ago, I wouldn't have done all the stuff I've done in the past few months. Which yeah, actually I wouldn't have. So I guess one of these days I'll get this whole dating thing right.

[Weeblie]

So this weekend was a bit of a learning experience for me. I learned that vodka is bad (especially the very cheap kind), hangovers are really bad, I like being able to have lengthy conversations (especially about dreams, ideas, opinions and hopes and wants) and that C probably isn't what I'm looking for.

 

I had been so jealous/pissed off that C was seeing that foreign girl, that I sort of forgot that a little part of me, didn't really think that it would've worked out even if that other girl wasn't around. That party the other night, reminded me of those reasons. I mean, he's not into the sort of conversations that I find really exciting. He's more of an event/storyteller kind of person, while I like things to get a little more personal... I like analyzing the story. He likes to party...a LOT, while I like it in moderation. He's this high adrenaline exciting person, while I'm way more mellow. I suppose opposites could attract and actually, I am drawn to people who are different from me, but I feel like with C we're too opposite. Now foreign girl on the other hand, she's like the female version of him. They seem to work out alright.

 

Anyway, I met a foreigner of my own at the party. A guy from Germany and I actually had a real enjoyable time talking to him. Now, I'm not saying that I'm attracted to him and want to jump his bones, but it was nice to be able to talk about the things I'm interested in for a change. It reminded me that there are other things besides being tall and cute, that I would like to find in a guy.

 

And off on another tangent...I got invited to go camping! The plan is to go when it gets colder, but hot dog! I'm super excited about this. Ben invited me a few years back, but they never got around to actually doing it. So this better happen.

 

Blah, my headache is start to get angry with me.

[Weeblie]

So I'm running out of things to sell on eBay, so I decided to stop by some thrift stores and see if there was anything good that I could find and try to sell online. I was disappointed to discover that the kooky weird bargain/thrift store was gone (along with all those vintage postcards that I had been drooling over) and that Goodwill is pretty darn expensive. I mean there was some stuff of the vases and dishes there were selling for almost as much as what you'd pay for stuff at Ross or TjMaxx. The clothing was pretty disappointing too. If there was anything decent, it was either overpriced or stained.

 

I had forgotten how tedious second hand shopping could be. Oh well, I suppose I could try to come up with some deal with my sister. Her hoarder-like room has to contain some treasures.

[Weeblie]

The Good

Had a great week with my sister and her family. My nephew is the cutest baby ever and every day with him is tons of fun. I also made some extra money this week.

 

The Bad

The new manager in charge of scheduling hasn't been giving me any hours. I spoke to the Store Manager twice and pointed it out to him and he even talked to her about it, but she still isn't doing anything about it. Instead, she scheduled me for a bunch of on-call shifts. I think she thinks she's being slick and that the store manager won't notice what she's doing. She's probably right. This pisses me off because, she's screwing with my income and what she's doing is wrong! But then I sort of view this as an opportunity to go look for something else to do. I need to make up my mind on this.

 

The Ugly

Ugh. T is nuts. So the other day I was getting ready to go to the beach with my sister, her husband and my nephew. S sends me a text message asking if I want to do something, so I invite her along. She declined, but later she posted a comment on Facebook saying thanks for the invite and suggesting that we go to the beach another time with other people (guess she didn't want to hang with my baby nephew). Well I guess T saw that and flipped out.

 

First he sends me a text saying that he can't believe that I didn't invite him and that I'm being mean. Then barely five seconds later he posts a nearly identical comment on facebook and says that he's hurt. S writes back saying that it's not a big deal it was a spur of the moment thing and besides, he was busy that day. T then writes back that he hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks and that I didn't know he was busy and an invite still would've been nice and that what I did was hurtful.

 

oh.my.freaking.god.

 

At least with this situation I know exactly what to do. Stay far far far away from him. I'm so tired of all this drama he creates. I read this on this one blog the other day and I think it applies to the situation with T quite nicely:

 

When bad things happen, you can forgive the following: mistakes, weaknesses, shortcomings. (No one is exempt from these things, even awesome people.)

 

When bad things happen, you should worry about the following:

dishonesty, passive aggressive behavior, chronic tardiness, whininess

. (These patterns do not usually get better with time.)

 

T does all of those things in bold to an excessive degree and yeah, it hasn't been getting better. Why put up with that nonsense? I mean, if it means that my social life is a little less full, then whatever. At least I have peace and I'm happy.

[Weeblie]

Been fortunate enough to not have to see T at work for the past month, until last night. Just avoided him and went about my business. Got a text message after his shift ended, asking why I didn't say hello and what's going on. Then got a facebook message asking the same thing. Uh...he could've said hello himself. Then his gossiping friend was trying to see if I've been hanging out with his other friend behind his back. I told her the truth, I haven't seen her in awhile. THEN this morning I get a message from his other friend that I haven't seen in awhile asking if I'm alright.

 

I guess I'm going to have to deal with this. yuck. Thing is, I'm just done. I'm done with T and I really don't want anything to do with him. I kind of imagine this is what it's like when you break up with someone and they do all that clingy crap afterward. Why are you breaking up with me? Can't we resolve things? What did I do wrong? You owe me an explanation!!!

 

Now I get it. Everything he's doing just repels me. I was already frustrated with the things he was doing before, but this just reinforces that gut feeling that things will only get worse. Then this whole having to explain things to him or give him "closure" makes me super uncomfortable and I resent him even more for making me uncomfortable. I just want to continue avoiding him.

 

Wow.

 

Ok, so there's been two major breakups where I've acted like the annoying clingy fool. I really thought that "talking" would improve things, but maybe if I had just acted as if it wasn't a big deal, maybe it could've fixed things? Well probably not with that first breakup. That had no hope no matter what I did. But the 2nd one? Maybe that could've been salvaged if I hadn't acted like a psycho fool like T is acting right now?

 

Nah. I think by then, subconsciously, I was so fed up with the guy, I just wanted to annoy the heck out of him for putting me through all that crap. Create one big dramatic ending so that I could justify cutting him out of my life completely.

 

Anyway, back to T. I wonder if there's a good way to handle this? Like when I was the person being dumped, I always felt like the guy dumping me could've handled things better. They could've given me another chance and blah blah blah. But now I see that's asking way too much...I don't want to give him a second chance. So? Meh. I'll ask my sister for her opinion on this. I'm sure she can think of an eloquent way to end resolve this.

[Weeblie]

Ok, so far today has been one of those up and down kind of days. Starting last night...

 

Work asked me to come in early (boo!),

then said never mind (yay),

woke up to discover that I had sold an item (yay!),

drama at the airport...got lost, my dad dropped a heavy suitcase on his toe (boo!),

dropped off package on the way home in order to get it shipped out faster (yay!)

came home to discover that the customer requested signature confirmation and I didn't include that(boo!)

 

 

 

Honestly, none of this stuff is that serious. My dad is fine, I don't have to work extra hours and as for the signature confirmation garbage...

I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I think I'm just going to wait and see what happens.

 

One thing that's kind of funny...the customer asked that the package be delivered after a certain time. I'm sure she probably had a good reason for that, but really. I don't have control over that.

 

Oh well. Crossing my fingers that the package arrives at the time she'd like and she's there to receive it.

[Weeblie]

I've been in CA for almost 2 months now. I've moved into an apartment with a mother and her 10yr old daughter, then moved right out. I've accidentally locked myself in a closet. Had a tree fall on my car (no damage thankfully) and I've almost figured out how to parallel park. I feel like I've been through a lot.

 

So why is it that whenever anyone asks me about hobbies or what I do for fun, I feel totally lame? Like I haven't done anything since I've arrived here. For example, I spent Thanksgiving with some friends of my sister. One of the mothers asked me if I did any hiking or camping or other outdoorsy stuff. I said no. She asked if I had gone to any clubs and if I liked dancing. I said no and no. She asked me what my hobbies or interests were and I drew a blank. I briefly mentioned my online store where I sell vintage stuff, but that clearly was of no interest to her.

 

Stuff like that is so annoying to me. I mean, growing up I never got to experience any of that outdoorsy stuff. My family couldn't afford it. I'd love to try it out, but since I work part-time it's a teensy bit difficult. I don't go to clubs because I'm not into that scene and as for dancing....you'd have to get me drunk first. But even then all of that stuff requires some heavy spending. And I have other goals I'd like to achieve first. Like increasing my income, then getting my own apartment and then finally living it up.

 

BUT...part of me wonders if there's room to have some fun in there somewhere? Maybe I'm stressing way too much about finances and I should allow myself an indulgence once in awhile?

 

That isn't how I work though. I tend to focus on a goal until I reach a comfortable stopping point and then have some fun. Like last year, I saved up X amount of money and then went out a bunch of times. Though...that was sort of a bad thing. It was fun and I got to experience new things, but I also ended up blowing through my savings in a short amount of time.

 

I think I need to find a balance. Maybe I could pick one activity that I've always wanted to do and put aside some cash to try it out? Like give myself one day a week or every other week to relax, not think about my online store or work and be sociable.

 

And as for the lack of hobbies thing...I could tell people something like I've never done any of the outdoorsy stuff (that this city seems popular for), but I'd really like to. Then maybe ask them if they know anything about it.

 

Yeah. That's better than dead-ending the conversation with a no.

 

Anyway, I need to get back to figuring out what's going to happen next.

[Ellie2006]

Congrats on the move, Weeblie! I think it always takes time for things to feel "settled" ...

But I am sure you that with time, you will find your niche.

 

Take care of yourself!

[Weeblie]

Thanks Ellie!

[Weeblie]

Got a letter from my bank stating that there's some new changes to my account, which includes a monthly fee of $12. I'm irritated because I just ordered a box of checks and now have to throw that junk out.

 

Work keeps sending me home early. This is sort of great because the job is like a slow death. This is bad because I get paid hourly and each lost hour is lost income.

 

Things over at my little vintage store has been slow and this morning someone asked about making a return.

 

I was planning on spending the day in SF and meeting up with a friend, but I feel like I'm hemorrhaging money and will probably stay home instead.

 

Meh.

 

All of this is fixable or easy enough to recover from, but I just felt like whining. The rainy weather doesn't help either.

[Weeblie]

If you're still looking around, making sure you understand all your options, getting your bearings or making sure you're well informed, you're most probably browsing.

 

You missed the first, second and third waves of the internet. You missed a hundred great jobs and forty great husbands. You missed the deadline for that course and the window for this program.

 

Quit looking and go buy something already.

- Seth Godin

 

UGH.

 

That's where I'm at right now. Browsing. I'm kind of overwhelmed right now. Not sure what to do, what's important, what's not. Should I spend my money? Should I wait? If I spend it, what should I spend it on? A business license? A driver's license for this state? Paying my bills? Buying more inventory? Advertising?

 

I wish I could narrow it down to the first step. The most important thing to do first, that will create the direction I need to go in.

 

Is a business license necessary? I feel dumb asking that.

 

But then...according to this one website...I need a home occupation permit in order to run a business from home. Which sucks cause...this isn't technically my home.

 

I don't even make that much of a profit right now. Most of that money is spent paying bills and buying more inventory.

 

I have some huge expenses coming up too.

 

argh.

 

Maybe I should move to some third world country where my money is worth more for awhile.

 

But then that doesn't really help with paying bills, probably makes it harder since I owe money in US dollars. Maybe I should move to Wisconsin. Rent is dirt cheap there. Actually...it'd probably be cheaper overall...

 

Ahhhh! But what about rising to the challenges? I mean, I just got here. I want to make this work.

 

Maybe I'm viewing this wrong?

How would I approach this if money weren't an issue? Wait, how does that help?

Ugh. I need a mentor.

 

Alright. If money weren't an issue, what I'd probably do is get all the legal stuff taken care of. Invest in more inventory. Once inventory is at a reasonable amount, I'd hire a designer for the logo, my website, packaging and other stuff. Would also hire an seo person to help with getting me ranked for that prime keyword. I would do all this first because I hate working and would rather do this instead of having a proper 9-5 job.

 

Once that's up and running, I'd move out. I'd use the part-time job to cover rent.

 

bleh.

 

What I probably should do is quit the current job and find another line of work. Another option is to go back to school and take some business courses. Maybe take some photography courses too since that does have a huge impact on sales.

 

Ugh.

 

I think the real problem is I don't know what I have to work with. What are the costs of these things? I'm assuming they cost a lot, I know the design stuff will be pricey for sure. But what about everything else?

 

blah.

 

This didn't help too much.

[Weeblie]

So I found some answers for the whole business thing. I would like to be an LLC, but in California I'll have to pay an annual tax of $800. I haven't made that much profit yet. So what would be best for now would be to form a sole proprietorship, then when I'm making a reasonable amount of money form an llc.

 

So in order to become a sole proprietorship, I just need to file a fictitious name statement which is a little over $30.

 

I also need an EIN so I can open a bank account and buy from wholesalers. That's free.

 

I then need a seller's permit, that should also be free.

 

The only thing that I'm hazy on is whether or not I need a business license and how much that costs. This could be problematic as I might need a home occupational permit. Since I'm currently living with my sister in her apartment...I'd have to get the landlady involved. I wonder how this would affect rent.

 

Oddly enough out of all the things that I need to get, the only form that I have is the one for the Business License.

[Weeblie]

I dunno.

 

Two situations here to deal with.

 

First, I ordered some items from a kind lady on ebay. She sent me 5 extra pieces than what I had ordered. 3 were clearly labeled in a bag with "free! happy new year!" While 2 of them were not labeled. I'm not sure if she made a mistake or if she was feeling extra generous. Sending it back isn't an option because I could really use them, but at the moment the money isn't there to pay for them. The right thing to do would be to pay for them because well, she did hook me up with some things that are waaaay better than expected. I think this may be one of those situations where I'll just have to wait till payday to resolve.

 

Second, work blows. I'm a little frustrated right now because there doesn't seem to be any room for growth here. There team is clearly established and each role is already occupied by someone. I'm just extra. Not only that, it seems that the fact that I've been doing this visual stuff for almost 10yrs is meaningless to them.

 

Actually, at times it feels kind of backwards there. This morning I did a perfect fold of a stack of sweaters, right after I placed them in their spot, the visual manager took a bunch of sweaters from the pile, refolded one of the sweaters and then put the pile back. It was a hot mess! She didn't even bother to get the buttons aligned! It's so confusing.

 

Meh. Whatever it's not worth getting worked up over. I know what I probably should do is find a job elsewhere. I'm just not sure where.

[Weeblie]

The other day I was outraged over the fact that my bank was going to change my free checking accounts into $12 monthly fee accounts. As I have 3 accounts with them, that turns into an extra $36 a month! Of course it would be waived if x,y or z was accomplished, but the likelihood of me achieving any of those things is very small.

 

Well, I thought I'd be slick and open up a free checking account with Ally. I mean it comes with free checks, I don't get charged any overdraft fees and if I go over, they treat it like a credit card and as long as I pay back what I owe before the month ends, I won't get charged any interest. Awesome!

 

So I walked into my bank the other day to close my accounts. The guy helping me asked why I was leaving and I told him it was the fees. He nodded and said, yeah I understand. Then he asked, what are you going to do now? And I proudly said...I've got an online account with Ally! It's got free everything! He also agreed that that was nice. Then after exchanging some small talk he asked, so since you don't have an actual physical bank...how are you going to deposit checks or cash?

 

 

 

I hadn't thought of that. I mean, cash I'd probably spend, but a check? Curious as to how I'd have to handle a situation like that, I looked online. I'd have to MAIL the check to them. Mail!!! How lame is that?

 

Oh well, thankfully I rarely receive checks, so this isn't a major crisis. Still it kind of sucks that it'd take a couple of days to deposit a check. They might want to find a better solution for that. Like teaming up with some major bank and working out some sort of agreement.

[Weeblie]

Last night I had a dream about C. I was sitting at the pool with my sisters and my dad, when C walks in with his best friend. My dad leaves and my sisters mysteriously vanish too. C sits down next to me and starts trying to give me a kiss. I push him away and say, are you serious? Now you're coming on to me? Now that foreign girl is out the picture you're into me?

 

C looks stunned and I tell him that I've known for months that he's been seeing her. I also told him that it wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been so shady about it in the first place. That there could've been a chance if instead of stringing me along he told me that he was seeing someone. After hearing that he leaves. His best friend starts laughing and is like, wow. He is so angry. He really didn't think you knew.

 

LOL

Ok, so C wasn't all slimy like that in real life and after a few months he finally made it clear that he was with foreign girl, but I think this dream is hilarious.

[Weeblie]

You know, maybe it's not the best idea to be quoting Marilyn Monroe. I'm just saying. The woman did have some pretty messed up relationships and perhaps her view on stuff like that isn't something you'd want to emulate.

[Weeblie]

So this year's theme has been thrust upon me and it's "forward motion".

 

Hah.

 

I think that's been my theme for the past few years. Anyway, so right now I'm in one of those dreaded comfy spots. It's not great, but it's not bad. If I'm not careful, I could end up in this situation for a really long time. It's not a bad thing to happen, but yeah...it's still not great.

 

My sister thinks that I'm afraid of putting down roots. That I'm afraid of commitment. I know she's wrong. I just can't explain why.

 

I'm sure on the outside it looks like I'm afraid of committing to an idea or whatever it is she thinks I should do. But the real problem is that I have this idea of what I want my life to be and I'm trying to focus on making that happen. It's why I'm weird about full-time jobs. It's why I'm weird about getting more hours at work.

 

I mean, just this month alone, with only just four sales, I've already earned more than I usually make in a month at the part-time job.

 

Anyway, I think I already know what I need to do. Keep focused on what it is that I want.

 

Of course, I'm a little confused on some parts of that. Like I'm 100% certain that I want to live on my own. I have no clue where though. I know I'd like to live in a place that is a little more alive than where I'm at right now. Though I don't know if a big city like San Francisco is something I'd be interested in...or maybe I would?

 

Oh well. I'll need to do more thinking.

[Weeblie]

Wow. Really not impressed with Ally right now.

 

So for some reason the letter with my pin number was returned to Ally. That raised a red flag so my account was blocked. I called the 1800 Ally number and they told me to call the fraud department at some random number. They didn't transfer me, they TOLD me to CALL this random number.

 

So I call the random number and the lady asks me to verify x,y and z. Then she says that I need to send her proof of residence.

 

Ugh. Really?

 

I realize this is all for my "protection", but I don't really feel protected. I never had to deal with this garbage with ING.

 

Meh.

[Weeblie]

Sometimes you have to cut things out of your life that are performing well...just not as well as you WANT them to.

 

Yes! Yes! YES!!!!!!!!

 

Wow. This is how I feel about my current situation. Everything is alright, which is a problem because it's just alright. Living with my sister's family and being the live-in babysitter is well...alright. Working part-time at this job where my abilities and experience is severely underused is...alright.

 

So clearly, the wise thing to do would be to get out of the current living situation and find another working situation.

 

But...

That seems so risky. Plus, my mind has this problem where it skips steps and thinks moving out of the living situation and quitting the job can only mean moving out of the city too. That's so not practical. I mean, I've got car insurance due in a month. I still have bills to pay. I don't even know which direction to move. Plus, wouldn't it be smarter to spend some time in the cities that I want to visit? You know to get a feel for them?

 

Though...how easy would it be to spend every other weekend visiting another city? Just drive there. Find a cheap place to spend the nights. Visit certain stores and drop off an application...

 

But what would that cost? And lord knows, I don't have 3 months rent available right now. Especially don't have the car insurance available either.

 

Though....

Hm.

I'd probably need about 3,300 for rent and car insurance.

Gas and travel...eh. I don't know. That can get pricey. Plus, my family wants to see me soon. Though...

 

Sigh.

 

What I should really do is look for another job here. After finding said job. I should save up some money. After saving enough money, I should then research other cities. Then after researching cities, I should find a place that I like and apply for jobs there. Once I've secured a job, I should then move.

 

Why do I dislike this plan so much? It seems easy enough. It should work.

 

Meh.

 

Ok, what would I want to do? Stay at current job and find ways to get enough money to move. Then move. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh

 

What I'd like to do is discover a faster way to achieve what I want.

[Weeblie]

So I met up with the guy today and had a really good time. It's so weird how much fun this was, compared to the last time we met. Perhaps it was the lack of expectations?

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to think of the whole experience. He's just as gorgeous as I remember him to be. He's definitely entertaining and ridiculous fun. But the whole thing felt very...friendly. Which I think is great. I mean, it's a thousand times better than feeling all weird and disconnected like I did last time.

 

But if I'm entirely honest with myself, I kind of wished there was more than just friendliness. A little more flirtation. A little more of a push for something more. I also wish there was a bit of a deeper connection...wait that just sounds like some lame catch phrase. I guess, by deeper connection I'm wishing for the cheesy stuff in the movies like never ending conversations about deep personal stuff.

 

Hm. Now that I've wrote that out, I think that sounds a little too intense. Yeah, I think all I really wanted was more flirting.

 

Oh well. If he was interested in me in that way, I'm sure he would've made it extremely clear. So it's probably best not to think too much about that. Besides, overall it was a nice experience and I'm glad I got to see him again. Getting to see him in person, cleared up a lot of that confusion I had about him and gave me a better idea of who he is. Plus it was a lot of fun.

 

I do feel a little bad about the way it ended (though that really was out of my control) and I hope maybe one day I can do something nice for him like he did for me today.

[Weeblie]

Just received an order I had placed a few days ago, half of it was wrong. The other half was a little lackluster. Wrote the lady about it, hopefully it can be fixed. I'm more irritated about time being wasted, than I am about the mistake.

 

Had an appointment to see a studio today. Got lost and gave up. Normally I'd try harder, but I'm unsure about what to do next with myself. Spoke with B yesterday and he gave me some practical advice. He said that I should stay with my sister a little longer because it'll save lots of money. Also, since I have such a flexible work schedule (and not very many hours) I can visit other cities in my down time and apply for jobs there.

 

That makes a lot of sense. Why blow $800-900 a month on rent, when for the time being I can get away with paying $300 a month? Plus all the traveling would give me some time away from my sister's family.

 

But then another part of me is like...I really really want to get out of here. Hah. This is like Florida all over again. So basically, I'm going to stay here a little longer. I need to figure out some stuff to speed up this moving out process though.

 

Yuck. I'm stressing myself out again.

 

I've been neglecting the business too. I'm not sure what that's about. I was super gung ho about it a few weeks ago and now...meh. Crap. There is a lot I haven't been paying attention too. I probably should work on that. That'll fix this weird confused aimless feeling I've been having.