Ed1 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I have a difficult decision to make...... and was hoping for some balanced advice.... One of my really good friends (of the female sex) of many years has been seeing this guy for the past 3 years. There have been rumours that he has been playing around behind her back, and I had deceided not to get involved in the past.... recently I spoke with one of my guy mates, and he said he had been out with this girls b/f the night before, and he was bragging about how he had been sleeping with 2 girls behind her back. On one occasion he was laughing about making a mess of the bedsheets, and then making an excuse when she asked why he had cleaned them etc..... I really don't like this guy, and my gut feeling is that he is being unfaithful.... Now for the tough part...... do I tell my friend that her b/f is cheating? or do I leave it until she finds out for herself? I would hate for everyone to be talking behind my back, good friends and all, to only find out weeks / months later that everyone knew..... BUT, if I do tell her I am worried about her being mad with me and it affecting our friendship.... I have been thinking of this for the past week, and can't get my head around what to do. If i do say anything, any advice on how to break the news? Any advice would be much appreciated. Many thanks. Ed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ms.elisemarie Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 How well do you know your friend's bf? Maybe you could approach him and tell him what you know. Ask him to come clean with your friend so you don't have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicky8989 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 personally, id tell her. If hes bragging about it...he's asking to get caught by her. Friends need to stick together..i know of tons of people who would have loved to know there bf was cheating behind there back before everyone else knew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chasey Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I would tell her you've heard some suspicious stuff and don't want her to get hurt so as a friend wanted to let her know. Say you don't know if it's true or not but that people are talking. I've had friends approach me in the past about a couple situations like this. One turned out to be true, one not, either way I appreciated my friends for worrying about me and letting me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Yeah, I'd tell her. She's your friend, wouldn't you expect her not to withhold information like that from you? Does she suspect anything? Proceed with caution, because right now all you have is he said-she said. Talk to her first and see if she has any reason to think her boyfriend may be cheating on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snoopy24 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 It's not really your place to say anything, especially you don't know for certain it's true, but I do see where you are coming from. I think anyone would want to know if their SO was cheating. Hmm. It is a tough situation. I guess if you heard it from a reliable source, tell your friend, you heard it but you are not certain if it's true. (and for all you know her bf could have made it up to look cool) and let her take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_lifters_life Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 If you know that he is .... why wouldnt you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed1 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 If I had seen her b/f getting intimate with someone else then I would have no problem saying anything..... the issue is that it is hear say..... although the last run of bragging etc just reinforces my gut feeling. She is also telling me that she is having a really hard time with him, that he is being horrible to her (e.g. going out all evening without telling her, rolling in at gone 12, and when she asks he just snaps "out"), and I just get the gut feeling that he is doing something, and that his attitude towards her is just his way of dealing with the guilt..... I will just feel so bad if the rumours are true, she finds out, and finds out that her friends knew, and nobody said anything..... BUT I am worried that if he does manage to convince her nothing is going on, then she may hate me for causing trouble.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I would tell her you've heard some suspicious stuff and don't want her to get hurt so as a friend wanted to let her know. Say you don't know if it's true or not but that people are talking. I've had friends approach me in the past about a couple situations like this. One turned out to be true, one not, either way I appreciated my friends for worrying about me and letting me know. That's probably the best response I've heard. Yeah, I agree, let her know that there's something rotten in Denmark and that she should find out what the dealio is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 You were told that her boyfriend was bragging about it. Since she is a very good friend of yours you should definitely tell her what you heard. I would also mention what he had said about the sheets just so she could compare to what he told her. It is hard to say if this guy is really cheating or if he is just being a big shot in front of the guys. At any rate, your friend has a right to know what this guy is saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 i would tell her. and since the bf didn't tell you himself, because you heard it through a friend, and you didn't actually CATCH her bf out with another woman cheating, then you don't know for sure that he is. but things don't really look good. i would tell her what you know about the rumors, and she can take things from there. whether she chooses to believe you or not, or to look into matters further is up to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana0120 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 If she's a really good friend, I believe that you should tell her about his comments and leave the assessment to her. You don't know if he is actually cheating on her, or bragging to impress the boys, but even if he is not cheating on her, he is being disrespectful of her. If, later on, she found out that all of her good friends knew about it, and she was the last one to know, she'd feel like a big joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samedy Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 You're her friend.. He's playing her for a fool..like an object..or cheap commodity.. Yes you should tell her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lv22irl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Ask her about the bedsheet story. If thats true, then you know it is true and he's not just running his mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabican Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I think if you consider the girl your friend, then you tell her. If its just some chick you know, its not your place. But part of being a friend, is that you are honest with them, and look out for them and hopefully they do the same for you. You said you would want to know.... You may want to give her a chance to opt out just in case though, tell her that there is something you think she should know... but its not really your place to tell her and its not good news... ask her if she wants to know. And whatever you do, dont make a move on her anytime in the near future... keep your situation as just friends. And if it does affect your friendship, or she gets mad at you... then at least you can know that you tried to do the right thing.. someday shell thank you for it. (personally Id be thanking you right now for saving me from wasting my life with a schmuck). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelina Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I think that you should tell her everything your guy friend told you. I think you should ask her about "the bedsheet story" to see if it's true. If she's a good friend of yours then you should def. tell her. If she stays with him then at least you know you tried and you got if off your chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanceVanceDance Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 You wouldn't be a "really good friend" if you didn't tell her. No need to make stuff up, but do tell her what you heard. And I agree you should tell her about the bedsheet story, if she remembers it she'll believe you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash1212 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Tell her! Here's my experience I can tell you first hand. Same thing happened to me a few years back... my bf had cheated on me, rumor got out and some how I didn't hear it (or perhaps didn't want to) but anyways... three of my close girlfriends knew, and they felt it was easier for them to not tell me. (Again it was rumors, they had no proof, but still). One of my close guy friends who also knew, made the very hard decision to tell me of all the rumors he had heard. He didn't say flat out say so and so cheated on you, but told me what he knew. Turns out after confronting my ex it was true. I now look to my guy friend as someone who will always be there for me, someone who I can trust with anything. My other three girlfriends, however still close, it's not the same... it hurt A LOT to know they knew and didn't tell me. (even if they were afraid to hurt me). They were supposed to be my friend, they were supposed to have my back... I felt betrayed, embarrased, and my trust for those three girls has really never been the same. Perhaps it's unfair of me to think that way, but it hurt, and sometimes that is something you just can't move past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechResQ Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 If she is truly your friend, tell her. Especially since he is treating her so horribly and disrespectful right now. She should know. It will hurt either way, but she may need your shoulder to lean on later and if you are the one who tells her of the rumors flying around, you will be the one she confides in and comes to for support when the truth really does rear it's ugly head. You can be there for her through the hell she will be going through. Just my two cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
healthseeker Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 my "best friend" told me that a guy I was seeing bragged about another girl. I was not that in to him anyway! I ended up finding out that her bf called his ex late at night all the time. Me and another friend told her. She broke up with him. Then bam: she gets back together with him (they're married now) and the friend I told her about it with turned her against me, saying that I wasn't a true friend. The entire thing backfired. I know I did the right thing and that down deep she wasn't my true friend. Her loss. Just be warned, if she is not your true friend...it may backfire. But, in the end REAL TRUTH comes out anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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