Advice needed

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi guys.

 

Quick backstory: I was the one who got dumped. Been broken up for over 18 months now. Were together for over a year. Ended on not the best of terms and it was a bit nasty at first. Had a big bout of NC initially, but since then, have kept in touch, and everything between us is good now. No hard feelings, we talk like old mates and the past is all behind us. We don't talk often, but when we do, we talk for a while.

 

Certain events over the past week have led me to the conclusion that I think I want my ex back. We talked last night, and had a lot of laughs, and there was a bit of flirting going on too. We are both 2 very different people to who we used to be, and I'm interested to find out if he has changed for the better.

 

I guess my question is, how do I go about finding out if he would be willing, without making an idiot of myself? I don't want to come right out and tell him, and undo all the progress we've made. Could I drop little hints? Any advice would be greatly appreciated Thans for reading.

 

P.S. I will be fine if nothing happens with us - I'm just interested to see what he thinks after all this time.

[ghostgirl116]

i would say if he wants to start something, he will let you know.

[DN]

But if he does want to get back together but is too embarrassed to say something because he was the one who left then you are both stuck if neither say anything.

 

Why not ask him a general question in conversation: "Do you have any regrets about anything you have done in your life?" and see if he answers that breaking up with you is one of them.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

But if he does want to get back together but is too embarrassed to say something because he was the one who left then you are both stuck if neither say anything.

 

Exactly. And he is (well, was) quite stubborn - if he knew there was a chance of rejection, he wouldn't say anything. He would only say something if he knew for sure that he wouldn't look stupid. And if he *did* say something and got turned down, or embarrassed, he then turns it into a joke, making *you* look like the stupid one.

Why not ask him a general question in conversation: "Do you have any regrets about anything you have done in your life?" and see if he answers that breaking up with you is one of them.

 

That's not a bad idea, I might try that, thanks!

[LW4E]

But if he does want to get back together but is too embarrassed to say something because he was the one who left then you are both stuck if neither say anything.

 

Big possibility there, it's stuff like this that always made me wonder about things when people said "If they want you back, they'll tell you." They broke up with you, chances are they'd be embarrassed to admit that they want you back.

 

I know if my ex ever wanted me back she would be embarrassed, she never admits that she made a mistake, and she left me and made a lot of stupid plans to meet a 32 year old in England... she left me for him BTW. Hell, she cried when she told me she once had feelings for me after the break up, it was during a fight when she said it. Since we were in the middle of a big fight, I found it more amusing than anything... pretty funny stuff there.

[Jess...]

Exactly. And he is (well' date=' was) quite stubborn - if he knew there was a chance of rejection, he wouldn't say anything. He would only say something if he knew for sure that he wouldn't look stupid. And if he *did* say something and got turned down, or embarrassed, he then turns it into a joke, making *you* look like the stupid one.[/quote']

 

My ex is exactly the same. He onced asked me to meet him down this deserted road (more than a year after we'd been broken up, mind you) so we could have sex. The word he actually used would be bleeped out on ENA. When I turned him down (with suspicion that he wasn't serious) my sister came to me with her ph - he'd texted her and said "if your sister tells you I'm hittin' her up, I'm not serious". So I was right. He then asked me something like, why didn't I want to, and I told him if I went, I'd get there and he wouldn't be there. He pretended to be confused, and I told him "you're not serious!" he asked "aren't I?" and that went on for a few minutes - him pretending that he was wondering why I thought he wasn't serious, and in the end he admitted he wasn't, and asked me "do you really think I'd be that forward, and ask you to meet me so we could *bleep*?" I said "my point exactly!". So had I said "sure, I'll meet you in 10 mins" I would have looked like a total idiot.

 

So just be careful if he actually *does* mention something about getting back together - if he's like my ex (and it sounds like he is) it could be a 'trick' to get you to admit you still want him. An ego boost.

 

On the other hand though (and just to complicate things) when I asked my ex what he would have done if I *had* said yes I would meet him - he said he probably would have gone. I said "ah, but I thought you weren't serious" and he said "ah but it would be rude to stand someone up". Sometimes you say something seriously and cover it up by saying you're joking to save face, and this is what happened here. So I guess you'd have to be able to tell whether or not your ex was serious but saving face, or whether he really was joking if he mentioned anything about getting back together. And that's hard when you're not close anymore.

 

DN's idea sounds good

[pumpkinmoon]

I think that when people do get back together it kinda just happens on its own really. This is what has/is happening to me right now. We met a few times and it went from there. We are not officially back together in my mind but we are acting like we are. He did bring "us" up about a week ago but I told him i wasn't ready to talk about anything right now. So really if I were you I would just see where things go. Maybe suggest meeting up to do something fun together?

 

Hope this helps