I thought I was healed...

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

Hi guys

 

Quick backstory: I was with my ex for over a year, got dumped December 2006. Had NC until about June 2007, (in which time I made no attempt at getting over him, as my reasoning was, if we're not talking, how do I know he's not sitting there pining for me LOL. Needless to say, NC was instigated by him) when we started talking online. I pretty much asked him if he would ever consider getting back together, and he told me he was really happy being single and wanted to stay that way for a while. 2 weeks later I found out he had a new gf. Contact stopped then (my decision) and I didn't talk to him again until early this year. Since then, we've had contact a few times, texting - initiated by him most of the time - but only when he wants something, like "where is that place we went to...".

 

I recently left my hometown to pursue my career. When he found out I was leaving town, he contacted me and asked if it was true, and we ended up having a rather long text conversation, about what had been happening lately, what was new with us, etc. He did mention us catching up before I leave, though I have a strong suspicion that he only wanted to hook up. Then one night I saw him down the street when I was with my sister, and we chatted for a few minutes and that was the first time I'd seen him in person, face to face, since the breakup. I hadn't heard from him since then, and that was in April.

 

I just had the past week back in my hometown. While driving down the street there, I saw him (it was bound to happen - my town is tiny) and he waved like usual, and I saw him once after that. A couple of nights later, I was online when he signed in and said "what are you doing home??" so we chatted for a few mins and his internet dropped out. (This used to happen a lot when we were together, it would cut out every time the home ph rang). He signed back in, apologised, we chatted some more, and then he disappeared again. My younger sister came out a few mins later with her ph and he'd texted her "can u tell YMB the net stuffed up". I thought that was strange that he texted her instead of me, so I text him and said "you couldn't tell me yourself? Lol" and he explained he broke his ph drunk the other night and lost all his numbers. I asked "except my sister's?" and he laughed and said he got hers the other day. (I don't know how. They keep in frequent contact - with him initiating most. I have talked to my sister about not having any contact but I get the same response every time "he's my friend!". They did get on well when we were together - like brother and sister - but my opinion is that when you break up with someone, you break up with their family too, and shouldn't keep in contact with them).

 

Anyway, long story short, that led to another text conversation, and then a bit later, he disappeared in the middle of it. I didn't try and contact him again. A couple of days later, (yesterday) I left back to my new town, and on the way back here, I couldn't stop thinking about him. The morning I left, I was in torrents of tears as I remembered all the good times we had in my hometown. While driving (my new town is about 5-6 hours away from my hometown) I was in floods of tears again, when I thought about him, and how he's no longer mine, etc etc. I really wanted to contact him and pour my heart out, but I didn't (thank goodness!)

 

I guess what I want to know is, what does this mean? I haven't cried about him in the longest time! Its been over 18 months since we broke up, and I'm fine with everything. I don't miss him, I don't want him. 99% of the time anyway. But on the way back here, I kept thinking about how we used to lie and cuddle and stuff, and all the good times, and couldn't stop crying. The same thing happened when I got home, I came inside, unpacked, and was in tears again. Am I not over him yet? Still?? The weird thing is, after I had my bawl last night, I had a shower, got some dinner, and I was fine. I actually couldn't work out why I was so upset earlier. Could it just be that going back to my hometown triggered memories and old feelings, and that's what it was?

 

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated Thanks for reading.

[orangesoda]

You're right - you don't want him, you want the guy from way back but he's not that guy anymore, and you're not that girl anymore.

 

as far as the tears go, i would guess it's the same reaction to watching a really good, really sad, tear-jerker of a movie. your emotions get stirred up, you bawl, but then you take a shower, eat dinner, and you're okay again.

 

i wouldn't overreact to this, it's actually somewhat normal.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

You're right - you don't want him, you want the guy from way back but he's not that guy anymore, and you're not that girl anymore.

 

Yes! That is *exactly* right! We are 2 very different people, to who we both used to be. Especially me - I am completely different from the girl I used to be.

 

as far as the tears go, i would guess it's the same reaction to watching a really good, really sad, tear-jerker of a movie. your emotions get stirred up, you bawl, but then you take a shower, eat dinner, and you're okay again.

 

i wouldn't overreact to this, it's actually somewhat normal.

 

That's really reassuring, I didn't think of it that way. Thanks so much for your reply

[Pelle]

I think you were just caught up in the whole sentimentality of the moment. Are you involved with anyone right now? If not and you really want a relationship, you may be pining for what was but only remembering the good times and not the bad ones. Most likely, the emotions were brought upon by your visit to your hometown more than anything else.

[xxYoure My Butterflyxx]

I think you were just caught up in the whole sentimentality of the moment. Are you involved with anyone right now? If not and you really want a relationship, you may be pining for what was but only remembering the good times and not the bad ones. Most likely, the emotions were brought upon by your visit to your hometown more than anything else.

 

Hi, thanks for your reply

 

I'm very happily single right now. I'm not looking for a relationship, nor have I looked since the one with my ex ended. Don't get me wrong, I've had the chance - there have been a few guys, but I just don't want a relationship. I am focusing on my career right now, and figured while I'm single would be the best time, as there are no distractions. (Its also an easy way not to get hurt like that again.)

 

I *was* remembering the good times mostly, but the bad ones also did pop into my head. I can look at it objectively these days, and sure he's 'the one that got away' and he always will be, and there's a part of me that will always care for and love him (the old him) - but I'm also healed enough to remember the bad things too, and the stuff he put me through, and all the things that annoyed me. Its these things, that when I think about how good it used to be, and what it would be like again, make me go "what an a-hole. That annoyed me then, it will still annoy me now", or "I really hated it how he did/didn't do this or that, and I just wouldn't put up with that these days".

 

So I can see that it wouldn't work (unless he'd done a major personality overhaul), I was just really surprised how fast the tears came when I thought about my past, because that normally doesn't happen. And they weren't just tears, it was a sob, hehe. But now, I'm all fine again. It was just while packing up to leave, and then on the way back from, my hometown. I will have to see if it happens again next time I go back, I guess.