still think about my chance with someone from so long ago.

[Anon333]

Okay, so this is something that bothers me now and again. But it has lasted a little too long for my comfort. Here goes.

 

I dont think I have ever been in love really. I tend to just fall into relationships and break up with the person the minute I meet them all the way to the year or two we finally actually do break up. Ugly, ugly, stuff. Anyway, I moved back to my home town after a long relationship ending badly again. I was out of sorts from being back in my home town after 4 years and being broken hearted about my x I just broke up with.

 

There was a guy that I knew from when I was in highschool that I always thought was cute who suddenly took a very very strong liking to me. He liked me to the point where I was just freaked out and said I didnt like him and that I was still grieving over my last relationship. At the time I was drinking heavy also, so I would call him up and hang out with him sometimes (he was a big drinker too).

 

I dont know what my problem was, but I did everything to push him away. I dont know if I was testing how much he really did like me. But I remember one time literally kicking him of the couch we were sitting on. I finally thought if I have just horrible stupid sex with him it will get out of his system and he'll leave me alone. So I pretty much layed there and had really boring horrible sex with him. The next morning he was still sweet to me, but mentioned that he had just broke up with his girlfriend (the first I had heard of it even though I told him about my situation). Anyway, he seemed to stop liking me so much after some time, he told me his friends told him I was bad for him and he ended up going back to his old girlfriend and marrying her.

 

So my dilemma is, that was 5 years ago. We were loose friends and I never really showed any hard feelings over it. I apologized one time and explained to him that I was just weirded out by his intense feelings for me when he hardly knew me, and that I was in a bad place in my head from a break up. We both smile and are friendly when we see eachother, I live in a different state anyway now. I am not saying I would want to ever be with him. He is married and I am happy for him. But so many times I think of the possibility if I hadnt pushed him away. Even if the relationship didnt work out, I think that would have been the one and only relationship in all my life that could have been real. I dont think I have ever fully been attracted to any of my other boyfriends I've dated, and this person I was really attracted to. I even find myself comparing other men to him sometimes and thinking I had my one chance and completely laughed in it's face. I just dont understand why I did it. it was like kindergarten behavior when you hit the boy you like. I just wish I could have been mature and given it some kind of chance. It seems so weird to me when it was just a small small moment in my life that seemed to go by so quetly with no hurt feelings or anything.

 

I would like to think I could have that chance some day again.. Maybe it was the right person at the wrong time.. Or maybe he was just rebounding and never really liked me as much as he said. I dont know. But it is something so unsettling to me that it is something I wish would go away. I dont know if anyone can give me advice on this. I just wanted to vent. Its long and maybe boring post. But if anyone can identify, I think that would help.

[Reilly2856]

Maybe you are feeling so strongly about him now is because he has become something you can't have. You liked him back in highschool, so when he came on to you so many years later, you freaked out. I guess maybe because we never really expect that type of reaction from a highschool crush. But you know, things happen for a reason. If you were really meant to be with him, no matter your reaction....it would've happened. Just think, he had such strong feelings for you, but after you slept with him, the next morning he mentions his gf? Not to mention, he goes on a few days about how his friends think you're bad for him and such. If he was really that into you, why would he listen to his friends in the first place? If he had a so called gf, then why would he keep it a secret from you of all people who he is so "into"? I think he was probably going through a rough patch and just used you to get over it so to speak. COUnt your lucky stars, a guy like that is not worth your time. For one thing, he slept with you and then went back to this old gf and married her. How does that work? He seems to be the sort of person who is very confused about his feelings.

 

I think you've just glorified him in your head...because you are stuck on "what ifs". There is nothing you can do about it. It was not meant to be and so it isn't. Actions speak louder than words, and his show a different side of him than you seem to remember in your mind. He wasn't good for you; be thankful that you didn't take things further with him. You may also be so into him now because he is no longer available to you. Oftentimes, we crave the thing we cannot have, even if that very thing is not good for us in the long run.

[Anon333]

Thanks, you do have some good points. I think the part that bothers me is that its so rare for me to have a mutual attraction with someone. Actually I dont think it has ever really happened. I do think you are right that he was in a rough patch and was trying to get through it. But I really wonder if i had actually been a friend and helped him out a little instead of literally kicking him away and being so lame in the sack, we both would have seen something there. I think him and his wife were right for eachtother more than I ever was. But it makes me feel even moreso that no one will ever be right for me. In a way, that little relationship, sums up all my problems. Not being attracted to my boyfriends, not being mature and serious enough, not being even close to marriage. I just feel like he was better than me, and whatever I end up finding in my future will either be settling for or nothing at all....Thank You reilly, I appreciate your response. I guess even if he was cute, he might have not been the most honest guy at the time.

[Reilly2856]

Losing one guy does not determine whether you will end up with your "right guy" or not. Sure, you feel like he was better than you....but are you sure that's not just you being so hard on yourself? He was not an honest guy, and you were not being honest at the time either (ie. by "literally kicking him away" on purpose)....which suggests that you were both dishonest....so, if that is the case, then how does that make him better than you? It actually puts you both on the same level.

 

Marriage is a serious thing. I don't think you should feel pressured that you should be ready for it now. In fact, the more you try to be like you think you should be, the more you will drift away from that expectation. Let yourself loose, forgive yourself your past, and move on forward. If you want your "guy", stop comparing everyone to this guy. Why would you want to anyway? Besides being cute, he really didn't seem to have anything going for him. For one thing, I kind of feel sorry for his wife, I hope he does not choose to be dishonest to her in the future like he did while she was his gf. They may have been going through a rough patch, but sleeping with someone else does not help. He should've been right there with his gf trying to fix the situation, not running to another girl to make him feel better. I don't understand what you meant with not being mature and serious enough. If it is regarding how you handled the situation with him (where you purposely pushed him away) then I will say that it actually worked in your favor. Had you become really attached to this guy and then found out about his gf, it would've hurt a lot more. Best thing to do is to move on someone new by really focussing on his characteristics other than his looks. I know looks are the first attracting factor, but it can often lead us to people with very poor morals.