Want to come out of the closet but don't know how

[Charles]

I've been exploring the option of coming out of the closet;

however, I scared to let my friends and family know. If you can please

provide me with any assistance or support group, I would appreciate it.

 

Thanks,

 

Charles

[Petite Love]

It depends on how open minded your friends and family are, if they are very comfortable then its fine to tell them and they will respect you.

 

in today's society homosexuality is being accepted in contrast what it was like 10 years ago.

 

so I'm sure you'll be fine

[kamurj]

Hi

 

I understand the delima of deciding how to come out and who you want to come out to. I delt with this issue nearly ten years ago, in 1993.

 

If you read the story, you might find that it was not so good. BUT I lived, thereforeeeeeee I learned. Here are some of the things that I learned:

 

1. Some people that you know, who are very familiar with you, may be more intuitive than you might expect. For instance, when I told my mother, she stated, "I wondered when you were going to tell me." While people you know might not be that abrupt or blunt, they may already have a clue.

 

2. If you loose "friends" by coming out to them, they never really were your friends.

 

3. Close friends and family will say it is a phase. They say they will support you through it, but they REALLY want to believe it is a phase. If you are gay, time will prove to them it is not a phase & that you wont grow out of it.

 

4. Appreciate those who accept you as you are. You will find that some friends and family will offer more support and/or understanding than others.

 

5. It might be best to be very selective when you first tell a friend or family member. Do it one on one. Select someone who you believe to be the most understanding. If the person who you believe to be the most understanding turns on you, then you have prepared yourself for one of the people who you believe might not accept your homosexuality. If they accept you, then you have support when someone does not accept you.

 

6. Don't out yourself on a major holiday during a family gathering.

 

7. Don't expect your family to immediately accept your partner. Many families look at (the first) gay partner as the person who "caused" you to be gay. Even now, ten years later after I came out, I introduce my girlfriend as a "friend." My family does the math. I needn't say she is my girlfriend. If I did, my family would probably think I'm just rubbing it in.

 

8. Remember that some families are very understanding and easily accept their gay sons and daughters. My girlfriend's mother is like Mrs. Cleaver on "Leave it to Beaver" !!!! She loves me! I was astonished!!!

 

9. Don't let other people's ignorance affect you. Their response is not a direct reflection of you: it is a reflection of their ignorance.

 

I hope I helped you. Good luck!

[RDG1465]

I came out of the closet 4 years ago I was talking to this guy and I asked him over to my house my family walked in as I was kissing him and I was taken by surprise. Allof my family said well it was about time that I said something. I also grew up in an area that was very churchified-meaning that you were not supposed to be gay. Many of us all know that coming out is difficult because we are afraid of people not acceptig us for who we are but, the first people you shouyld say somthing to are your family. They will support you and be there when others hurt you with their mean antics.

 

 

You lady or woman or gilfriends aka fag hags will be there and women love gay men because of the fact they can be single and you can be theirb date and they do not have to worry about you taking them to bed or not. The girl that I was dating as a cover still loves me as of today and we talk to each other about boyfriend problems.

There are many pros top coming out. and you will feel better about yourself and many peoplre will respect you, few will hatev you.

[j]

I just came out (2 years ago at 40). I can't tell you what is right for you, but I will say this, because I came out in the way that I did, I believe I am much more comfortable with proceeding forward. Keep in mind, I am the youngest and only girl in a very heterosexual catholic family.

 

First, I was comfortable with my own feelings about my sexuality, I accepted it. Don't look at yourself as different, don't allow others to look at you as different, and I believe you will have a much easier time of it.

 

I did tell my family first, in person, but I e-mailed my father, it gave him an opportunity to think about his response/questions. Second, I didn't and still don't look at it as a coming out, I was simply introducing my new relationship to my family and friends. My words were " I'm seeing someone, name , she's a wonderful person and I'm very happy." or "I'm seeing someone, a woman, name". If people wanted to know more, I told them. I never said I'm gay or lesbian, I never announced I was heterosexual, so why would I announce I'm gay.

 

Surprising to me, my mother had the most trouble, a real sense of discomfort, but she has never verbally expressed it, and I have slowly been able to joke with her about my sexuality "If it's genetic, I must have got it from Dad, he likes girls too). I have never asked for opinions. I believe that may send some people the wrong message, like they have a say. I make sure that she is included in family gatherings, I don't wait for her to be invited; I never did before, so I didn't start. I always try to mention her at least once when talking to family; I will always say hi to them from her. I believe that expresses her consideration and makes them more comfortable bringing her up. I appreciate, but do not acknowledge others feelings of discomfort with my choice; meaning I don't shove it down their throat.

 

With friends and colleagues, if the situation brings her up, I will not avoid it. If someone asks me who I'm talking about, I simply say my girlfriend, it has never gone beyond that. Some have said how long have you been seeing her, but most are so surprised and don't want be weird or appear bigotted, that they say nothing ad continue with the conversation.

 

Putting it simpy, I do not shout it from the rooftops, I simply don't avoid it.

I avoided it once with my boss and her secretary, I said a friend instead of my girlfriend; I wish I hadn't.

 

Parting words: Be comfortable with your sexuality and I believe the whole process (which never ends by the way) will be that much easier for you. Only you can bring yourself happiness and unhappiness, and believe me, if you allow people to control your comfort level with your sexuality and relationship, you will bring yourself unhappiness.

 

Good luck. I'll say a prayer you.

 

j

[Jake816]

hi iam a gay 15 yearold and iam scared that if i tell my friends about me they wont like me anymore i like one of my friends but i dont think he likes me what should i do.

[AirRyuuou]

I've seen a pretty good site with coming out stories, maybe it can give some inspiration to some people who need help here.

 

link removed