I'm 30... she's 18...

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I married my 32 year old husband at age 19 after 1.5 years of dating. Seven years later we divorced. An 18 year old is NOT mature enough, but my parents could not have stopped me. I had to make my own mistake. There is a reason why age gap relationships such as this have such a stigma, just as there is a little truth in cliches; some cliches and some stigmas come into being for a reason.

[ManAbout]

Yes LEGALLY you are an adult at 18 ...But how about EMOTIONALLY??

 

"An 18 year old is considered to be mature enough to make his/her own decisions in life, right or wrong"

 

WRONG an 18 year old is considered OLD enough, not MATURE enough...there is a HUGE difference...

 

.

 

Umm.. I have met 30 year old women that do not have the maturity that would be expected of an adult. So, what is your point? What is the age of consent where you live? Maybe you can find a way to raise the age of consent to 30 or what ever other age you think every body is emotionally mature enough to make a decision on who they should have a relationship with.

 

As I said, society considers an 18 year old a legal adult. George W has no problem sending these "emotionally immature" young people off to Iraq to kill and get killed. Yet, you seem to think an 18 year old is not mature enough to decide who she wants to be with.

[ManAbout]

I married my 32 year old husband at age 19 after 1.5 years of dating. Seven years later we divorced. An 18 year old is NOT mature enough, but my parents could not have stopped me. I had to make my own mistake. There is a reason why age gap relationships such as this have such a stigma, just as there is a little truth in cliches; some cliches and some stigmas come into being for a reason.

 

And if you had married another 19 year old, I doubt the marriage would have even lasted that long. Considering that the divorce rate is close to 50%, I am not sure how your experience proves or disproves anything. I could give you an example of a situation where such a marriage did work. In fact, I could give you many such examples. So, which experience is valid?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

And if you had married another 19 year old, I doubt the marriage would have even lasted that long. Considering that the divorce rate is close to 50%, I am not sure how your experience proves or disproves anything. I could give you an example of a situation where such a marriage did work. In fact, I could give you many such examples. So, which experience is valid?

 

I see your point, but your post kinda says the same thing: Age is a factor.

 

It's also true that there are more experiences showing that age is a factor in relationships than there are experiences and examples out there that it's not. This sentence is structured poorly by the way. I'm not sure I'm saying what I intended lol.

 

also the mean average of divorce is 50%, but that is the mean over the general population. If you figured the mean in marriages where certain conditions are present, such as large age gaps, or teens dating 30 year olds, you would more than likely end up with a figure much higher than 50%.

 

It seems like a crapshoot, but the odds are pretty stacked against age gap relationships. Still each couple is different and must make their own decisions. I don't agree with the poster who stated that her husband would and should rough up a 30 year old guy hitting on her 18 year old daughter.

[blueyez2002]

Ok so here is my story, I will share it with you because it is similar. I am currently emotionally involved with someone who is 17. We met online playing a game. We never expected it to happen. I struggle everyday with the age gap, and what could a 30 y/o want with someone so young and vice versa. This is a conversation we have on an almost daily basis. I have tried to walk away twice but he wont let me, he always has a good argument for me. So his reason for being with me is that the girls his age are dumb as rocks(his exact words) he is highly intelligent and very emotionally deep. Girls his age just are not into that and he had a relationship with one for a year and was very frustrated with her. That isn't to say he couldnt meet a girl his age with depth, as you have found for yourself. Now, my reason for being with him...has never been sexual, has always been how he treats me. He treats me better than anyone I have ever dated in my life. He has the utmost respect for me,has never said a hurtful thing to me,and puts my wellbeing first.When I ask him how/where he learned this, he says simply I love you and it is my love for you that causes me to treat you this way! Simple but profound. So no I don't think the age should matter, the maturity should matter. There are people out there born with "Old Souls" it happens. As for parents, his parents know about us and HATE IT! They have grilled him on numerous occasions as to why he would want to be involved with someone so OLD. I would tread lightly with the parents. Ask your girlfriend how she thinks they would respond. It may be a good idea for her to break the news to them first, that way she can answer all the "why would you" questions first. Also I think meeting you will ease their minds about being with their daughter for only one thing, if you prove yourself a loving and attentive boyfriend. They will see that upon interaction with her. It is a shame that there are so many close minded people. I say if you have feelings for her make it work!

[ImThatGirl]

I haven't read through this whole thread.

 

But I struggle to understand how two people at such different ages and stages of life could possibly have much in common.

 

I consider an 18 year old to be a child and I myself am 30.

[blueyez2002]

I consider an 18 year old to be a child and I myself am 30[/i]

 

Well I guess it is all in how you view age, and how mature the person is that you are dealing with.

[ImThatGirl]

I consider an 18 year old to be a child and I myself am 30[/i]

 

Well I guess it is all in how you view age, and how mature the person is that you are dealing with.

 

I'm don't mean to be offensive with that comment. Just a fact to me that 18 year olds have not experienced the life as an independent adult. They are still teenagers.

 

I'd like to see statistics sometime as to how many relationships end up in marriage and a very long term marriage when if the relationship started at 18 and 30.

 

I also have wonders as to the control and/or self esteem issues that a 30 year old may have if they are considering an 18 year old as a mate.

[ImThatGirl]

I have a dread of it going wrong as family is very important to me. I guess if I had a daughter and she said in dating a older guy I would prob go crazy....

 

Fear.... Maybe its not fear of meeting them or the situation but fear of messing things up.

 

Thanks again

 

James

 

You have put yourself in her parents shoes and realize that you wouldn't be comfortable around if you were in their place.

 

I think the fear you have of messing things up is because you know deep down that the relationship is not going to be accepted by her parents.

 

And the fact that she is lying to them says she knows that already too.

[blueyez2002]

Ahhh control lol, control is the last thing I want. I hate controling anyone, I had someone who couldnt think for himself, he was older than me, I was constantly being put into control. It isn't control for me at all. I have encouraged dating, college, clubbing, anything everything that comes with his age. I have argued that this is what he should be doing, that he may come to regret not doing them, and accepting someday the adult responsibilites I have, too soon. His reply is always the same, none of that interests me(aside from college), I welcome the responsibilites you carry, I don't want someone my age they have no depth, and yadda yadda. So I do try to play devils advocate alot, but he is having none of it..

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Ahhh control lol, control is the last thing I want. I hate controling anyone, I had someone who couldnt think for himself, he was older than me, I was constantly being put into control. It isn't control for me at all. I have encouraged dating, college, clubbing, anything everything that comes with his age. I have argued that this is what he should be doing, that he may come to regret not doing them, and accepting someday the adult responsibilites I have, too soon. His reply is always the same, none of that interests me(aside from college), I welcome the responsibilites you carry, I don't want someone my age they have no depth, and yadda yadda. So I do try to play devils advocate alot, but he is having none of it..

 

Well, it's easier to live in a fantasy of loving someone you've never even met when you know less about life, when you're younger and inexperienced. Good luck.

[blackandgold]

I know being a 17 year old girl, almost 18 I could never be in a relationship with someone who's 30. I believe I am a very mature 17 year old but regardless I just believe that someone whos 17 and someone whos 30 are in very differnt places in their lives and there's no way it'd work.

[angellight]

Umm.. I have met 30 year old women that do not have the maturity that would be expected of an adult. So, what is your point? What is the age of consent where you live? Maybe you can find a way to raise the age of consent to 30 or what ever other age you think every body is emotionally mature enough to make a decision on who they should have a relationship with.

 

As I said, society considers an 18 year old a legal adult. George W has no problem sending these "emotionally immature" young people off to Iraq to kill and get killed. Yet, you seem to think an 18 year old is not mature enough to decide who she wants to be with.

 

UMMMM…ManAbout, perhaps you should go back and re-read the original post… This girl lives at home with her parents and is hiding the relationship from them….VERY MATURE..

 

I also have met men and women who are 30 and older who are immature... and.. Your point??? …I suppose that means they should date a teenager to even things out. I fail to see exactly what a thirty year old man would have in common with an 18 year old…Like it or not, she JUST GOT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL, she is a kid …

I have no problem with age gap relationships, just not with teenagers... They have so much in life to learn …I stand by my original post…You've failed to alter my opinion with your insults and derogatory comments...

 

Again, I ask you, Do you have a daughter and would you want her dating a thirty year old at 18?

.

And OH YES I do agree with George W (NOT)… My friend’s only kid died in this war at 18. Bet he would do that over again if he could…

 

P.S. Smiling Turnip, As I stated earlier… “ As for my husband "draggin the guy down the driveway" I was being fascisious” I do agree with your earlier post that your parents couldn’t have stopped you and yes we do all need to make our own mistakes…God knows I’ve made enough of my own…LOL

 

P.P.S. Before you go jumping down my throat again, ManAbout, Though I believe we all have to make our own mistakes and learn from them, the reason I have given my opinion, is because Jamesdyer asked for mums and dads opinions. Why do you get so defensive??? Are you trying to convince us or yourself??

[ManAbout]

UMMMM…ManAbout, perhaps you should go back and re-read the original post… This girl lives at home with her parents and is hiding the relationship from them….VERY MATURE..

 

Maybe because her parents are as closed minded and judgemental as you appear to be.

 

I fail to see exactly what a thirty year old man would have in common with an 18 year old…Like it or not, she JUST GOT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL, she is a kid …

 

You keep harping on this whole "she is a kid" thing. How is she a "kid"? Is she sexually a "kid"? Hardly. An 18 year old is a fully grown woman. Now, you are gonna to say, well, mentally she is a kid. How do YOU know that?

 

And let us assume for the sake of argument that she really is as immature as you appear to think. Then she should not be in a position to have a relationship with anybody why only a 30 year old man. She is obviously not mature enough to have any judgement about any dating partner, a 30 year old or another 18 year old. If she is such an immature person, wouldnt it be better for her to be with someone more mature who is probably not going to encourage her to act in a foolish manner? Two immature 18 year olds in a relationship are going to get into a lot more trouble versus an 18 year old and a mature 30 year old. From binge drinking to unprotected sex to drugs, she is much more likely to get into trouble being in a relationship with another 18 year old than she is with a 30 year old.

 

Again, I ask you, Do you have a daughter and would you want her dating a thirty year old at 18?

 

I dont have a daughter, but if I did, I wouldnt reject him just because he is 30 yeard old. It would very much depend on the person. If he was a decent guy, respectful, ambitious with career prospects or a good education, then I might be ok with it.

[avman]

Thread closed for flaming.