tootsey Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 How do you stay with a partner that has cheated on you? Anyone here stayed with one and it worked? Does it ever be right again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Never been cheated on that I can prove, but I doubt I could forgive something like that. I wouldn't be able to get the image out my head, and then I would turn into one of those psycho girlfriends that's always accusing and stalking and spying because I wouldn't trust him. Would turn me into something I didn't wanna be. I would just let it go so I could be free from the torment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I only know of one couple that got back together after one cheated. The girl (the one who was cheated on) is extremely unhappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbielovesmac Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I don't think things can ever be the 'same' again when someone cheats. It's not something to be taken lightly. You cannot forget something like that. No matter what ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BetterKarma Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I don't really know of any couples that really survived after being cheated on. Either they're a) broken up/divorced or b)together/marriage but miserable and angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lana111 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 i dont know of anyone who has stuck through a relationship after cheating. personally i dont know if i could do it, but i guess it it was a one time thing and it was my husband, id try my all to get past it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbielovesmac Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 well, my ex cheated and look how well that turned out LOL ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BetterKarma Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 well, my ex cheated and look how well that turned out LOL ... Same here...LOL. I think it turned out pretty well, I'm definitely happier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charles89 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 it all depends on the situation .. i cheated on my gf a year ago and we never did split up although it is still a work in progress. there are times in which i still feel extremely guilty but those times are now further and fewer between. anyways every situation is different: - did he admit it right away? - has he done it before? - does he even regret it? - does the victim want to forgive? - does it seem like hes learned his lesson? even though every situation is different it feels that 99.9% of those relationships will end. i am just one of the lucky ones (for now anyways). a year later everything seems fine, heck even better than before. we just got back a couple of weeks ago from a mexico trip which she described as the best experience shes ever had with me. i do know of about 4 other couples that have cheated, all not even close to staying together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I weighed those exact same options when my ex cheated on me. At first things did seem okay but no matter what I did, in the end it didn't work out. I do believe that people CAN get over cheating if both parties are willing to work for it (and work hard for a long, long, time) but I also agree that most won't. It is a very hard thing to get over and yes, it isn't something that will be forgotten. My fav advice columnists put it this way; it's like having a dead child in the centre of your relationship. You child has died and of course neither of you will forget about the little tyke, right? I will always give props to the peeps who stay to try and work it out, however, I'd be lying if I didn't advocate leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cchurting Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 People can make it past cheating, yes. It takes an outsider to determine the issues that lead that person astray. If the couple can work past these issues, the relationship stands a surviving chance. In fact, it sometimes makes the relationship stronger. But more often than not though, too many trust boundaries have been broken, and the relationship needs to be dissolved so the hurt can appropriately heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben10 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 How do you stay with a partner that has cheated on you? Anyone here stayed with one and it worked? Oh I tried to stay, mainly for the kids. And part of me was still in shock when I found out. She wanted to try to. But after the shock was over, anger set in and all I could see everytime I looked at her was "CHEATER" written accross her forehead. So I filed for divorce. I realized a better life awaits. Does it ever be right again? Nope. Not in my opinion. I could have made it "somewhat" right. But if I had stayed, things might get to the point where I don't think about it all the time. But here and there, the infidelity would have popped into my head, and I know I'd just simply end up bottling up anger and seeing my wife in disgust. its no way to live as far as I'm concerned. I ALWAYS suggest that someone that is cheated on dump/divorce the cheater. Only way to get rid of the turmoil is to get rid of the source. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j0shua Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote... for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifesontheUp Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote... for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho... Yes and the old saying of "what doesn't kill us will make us stronger" applies. Its never easy dealing with infidelity, but trust me time is a healer. Slowly the good days over take the bad and you see the light at the end of the tunnel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 i know i didnt start this thread, but lord i needed to read what you guys wrote... for some reason ive been trying to 'get back' w/ the cheater, and i know its wrong and just a retreat to the familiar... its hard on the ole heart tho... You can't get down on or even think yourself strange because of this. You dated fell in love, walked down the aisle, had plans laid, all those Shamrocks and Shenanigans. We aren't robots, you can't just turn the love emotion 'off' like a light switch, even though we all at one time would love to be able to. Heck, I'd think you where a little messed if you DID get over it quickfastinahurry. Yes and the old saying of "what doesn't kill us will make us stronger" applies. Its never easy dealing with infidelity, but trust me time is a healer. Slowly the good days over take the bad and you see the light at the end of the tunnel This is too true, and it does heal all wounds. It's also amazing the perspective we gain once our emotions subside a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
water Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I beginning to feel this way. My current SO cheated on me a little over a year ago. She only fessed up recently to sexing this guy and I was in that shock state. I kind of knew it happened but nothing could prepare me for actually hearing it. Now I have a lot of anger and almost every time I look at her, images in my head of her sleeping w/ this other guy appear. I feel angry/hurt/betrayed/frustrated/vengeful all at the same time. I want to lash out at her but I keep fighting the impulses. I'm pretty sure things will just keep getting worse. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben10 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I beginning to feel this way. My current SO cheated on me a little over a year ago. She only fessed up recently to sexing this guy and I was in that shock state. I kind of knew it happened but nothing could prepare me for actually hearing it. Now I have a lot of anger and almost every time I look at her, images in my head of her sleeping w/ this other guy appear. Been there done that my man. Only way to relieve yourself of that pain is to dump the unworthy huss. I feel angry/hurt/betrayed/frustrated/vengeful all at the same time. I want to lash out at her but I keep fighting the impulses. I'm pretty sure things will just keep getting worse. ](*,) Go ahead...lash out at her. And when you are done, finish it off by saying, "oh, and I never want to see your worthless cheating ass ever again. Get out" image removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyblue1 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I would walk away from a cheater - I was cheated on by my ex 6 years ago and never took him back then contacts me 5 1/2 years down the line asking me back - what a cheeky idiot. And i say NO thanks i deserve better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tootsey Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 Thankyou to everyone who replied to this thread. According to my SO (the cheater), I should grow up and forget about his affair, as it has been 4 years now. But I cannot get the images out of my head, even though I have tried. My SO says all woman forgive affairs and im the only one he knows who can't. I probably would feel a lot different if he had have been the one to admit it, but it was the other woman, and his story changes all the time, about who finished with who, he said he did, she said she did. And he's done it before in previous relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 What has he done to show that this will no longer happen? He sounds pretty selfish to be saying something so insensitive about this. If he doesn't like your reaction then he shouldn't have stepped out in the first place, that was his choice, not yours. You are well in your right to feel upset about this whole situation and his behavior and attitude could alleviate or aggravate it depending on his position. He needs to see that, one doesn't 'get over' cheating and for his to say something like this speaks loads about his character!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salty Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 my bf cheated on me with 6 different women and we are still together it has been one year since i've found out. I actually just made a post called one year later in the infidelity section a couple of days ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salty Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Oh your SO broke a very importan rule for healing. never ever tell someone you hurt to get over it! the only way you are actually going to get past this is if he kisses your a** until you no longer feel the need to have it kissed. It's working for me. Thankyou to everyone who replied to this thread. According to my SO (the cheater), I should grow up and forget about his affair, as it has been 4 years now. But I cannot get the images out of my head, even though I have tried. My SO says all woman forgive affairs and im the only one he knows who can't. I probably would feel a lot different if he had have been the one to admit it, but it was the other woman, and his story changes all the time, about who finished with who, he said he did, she said she did. And he's done it before in previous relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmaximum Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 ... A little story for you... My ex bf's gf (before me) cheated on him. He took her back, married her. She cheated on him again with 2 months of the marriage. He divorced her. The End. I think a lot of people take back cheating partners, but it usually does not work out. The trust has been eroded (as it should be). Like putting a parachute back in it's box or case. Once you take it out, you may not be able to put it back. This should be a deterrent and it is for some, but it isn't for others. It can be done but it's damn hard. If it has been done twice, what, pray tell, is your excuse the second time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpeedingCars Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 My father cheated on my mother (it OBVIOUSLY didn't work out)... but he remains with the woman til this day. They're happy. They've been together about 3 years. I know a guy who cheated on his girlfriend multiple times. They broke up on/off. She's now pregnant with his baby. I'm not sure if he's still cheating. They still have problems... they play a lot of immature "I'll get you jealous" games... but it seems to be working out since they're still together? I don't really know. My guy cheated on my (he never admitted it, but my mind is set that he has. He admitted he lied about VERY important things) and it's TOTALLY not working right now even though I told him I wanted to work things out. It's been 2 weeks since I've found out and things are really weird between us. I don't know if we're broken up, together, or just friends. By the looks of it, I doubt it'll work out... I haven't spoken to him for a few days ANYWAYS! The point is, I really think each situation is different, but I seriously haven't seen many couples that work out after infidelity is involved... I wish I could write more examples of success stories, but in general... once someone cheats, their SO breaks up with them or the cheater leaves for the other person/cheats again. At least that's what I always witness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ac143 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Yes it can work after being cheated on - people make mistakes but I dont believe anyone deserves more then a 2nd chance. It all depends on the person & relationship, some people can't handle it. Im not sure if I would be able to but if I ever have to cross that bridge I will. One of my friends bf cheated on her years ago (1 time) at the beginning of their relationship before they were serious or even technically together. Now they are getting married 4 yrs later. Every situation & person is different but it can be saved if both people put a lot of work into it. If this happened 4yrs ago and you are still healing from it, you might not ever recover & might be better off leaving him. Especially if he is making comments like "get over it already" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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