princess_summer_blue84 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Even if I were friends for years I would still wait because romantic relationships are usually very different from friendships. agreed! Well put! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nixee Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 When people talk about "chemistry" which results in hopping into bed after knowing them for 5 minutes, that is called lust....and while I can't conclude it for everyone, I would hazard a guess, that the person they have just slept with is not the first one they have jumped into bed with at the drop of a hat. Also, people who do that tend to be the ones who want to test drive someone before deciding on a relationship...or they are horny etc. Perhaps this is true... but I dunno... I guess I just think you get into dangerous territory when you start making assumptions about people based on actions. Sometimes people really do get swept up in a moment... and it is horrible to feel judged for that. I try to take everything case by case. But... as you say, many people really do just like to give in to lust and test drive the goods... and I guess I'm of the mindset now that really, if you are healthy and careful and mature.... what is so wrong with that? The only real problem I see (assuming safe sex) is people judging you, or you judging yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livinginsbi Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 HIV antibodies can be detected in 3 to 6 months. I wait 6 months (6 months since the last time the person had sex) before believing that the test is accurate. Nothing magical happens at 6 months.. HIV, GC, Chlamydia, even herpes can lie dormant for months and months.. using the 6 month rule is really not safe, safer, yes, but not safe. When people speak of getting 'tested' for the std's, which exactly are we talking about. Is HPV included, and what about Hep B, which is transmitted much more readily than HIV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Nothing magical happens at 6 months.. HIV, GC, Chlamydia, even herpes can lie dormant for months and months.. using the 6 month rule is really not safe, safer, yes, but not safe. When people speak of getting 'tested' for the std's, which exactly are we talking about. Is HPV included, and what about Hep B, which is transmitted much more readily than HIV. i am referring to HIV - HPV is not fatal. with all due respect you are wrong about HIV antibodies - they are detectablelink removed within 3 to 6 months even if the disease itself is dormant. "After the original infection, it takes between 2 weeks and 6 months for antibodies to HIV to appear in the blood. The period between becoming infected with HIV and the point at which antibodies to HIV can be detected in the blood is called the seroconversion or "window" period. During this period, an HIV-infected person can still spread the disease, even though a test will not detect any antibodies in his or her blood." I don't just follow the internet - the same exact advice is from my physician and other physicians I have seen and spoken to about this topic. it is extremely safe if you get a negative HIV test 6 months after having intercourse with no sexual activity during that 6 months. Indeed I think at that point it is if not 100% certainty 99.9% or close to that. Your information about the dormancy of hiv antibodies is wrong, so I hope this helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I checked out the website... Thanks for all that information...it really is very helpful!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I checked out the website... Thanks for all that information...it really is very helpful!!!!!!! Good I'm glad. As far as HPV, from what I understand only women can be effectively tested and only high risk can lead to cervical cancer if left untreated. HPV apparently is not harmful to men. Herpes - I believe there are tests, never really looked into it because of the way I chose partners and the limited numbers of partners. But my 6 month comment had only to do with detection of HIV antibodies - if there are none after 6 months you are considered HIV/AIDS - free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Just because a person will have sex with someone on a first date, or shortly after a first date, does not mean that they constantly have a string of "first dates" though. Being quick to chemistry and quick to the sack does not always equate to many sexual partners. It is merely a speed preference, and I think this is important to note. It is more likely tho that a person who has sex on a first date will likely have sex with someone else they first go out with too. Sometimes we work with odds in life. Either way i'd suggest the person have very protected sex regardless if the sex is on the first date or the tenth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Nothing magical happens at 6 months.. HIV, GC, Chlamydia, even herpes can lie dormant for months and months.. using the 6 month rule is really not safe, safer, yes, but not safe. When people speak of getting 'tested' for the std's, which exactly are we talking about. Is HPV included, and what about Hep B, which is transmitted much more readily than HIV. A disease can lie dormant for years, but it will be detected in blood tests. As Batya stated, six months is the shelf life for HIV and if after six months not detected in a blood test and that person has had no risque sexual contact at all they are clean. They may never even show symptoms of aids in their entire lives but it would still show up in a blood test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livinginsbi Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 OK, so I get where your coming from with the HIV at 6 months thing, but I also have recently read in advance magazine that those who receive ART may not ever seroconvert, which has overall brought that safe percentage to 92% and to me, there is a heck of a difference between 1% chance of error and 8%. There is also an incidence of those who have taken proteus inhibitors to not seroconvert either and of course there are others who do not test positive on a screening test, but do on the confirmatory testing or their t cell count - usually these people are in the disease process and have been screened negative. So I guess we are both correct, given the data we have available. And also, being HIV positive is not fatal, there are many people who have seroconverted, but show no signs of actual disease, but of course, these individuals are able to pass on the virus as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Wow! Talk about generalizations! I have slept with some guys on the first date, others I never slept with. If you are mature enough to ALWAYS practice safe sex, it is nobody's business who you have slept with before you met them. I have never had an STD, I am completely phobic of them. It doesn't keep me from having sex. If you use the brain God gave you, there are TONS of ways to protect yourself and any future partners. Maybe some people aren't that great of a thinker? Geez! Sex is fun. Romance is okay. Friendship and compatability are the best! The best long-term relationships are friendships. And they often start with sex;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Wow! Talk about generalizations! I have slept with some guys on the first date, others I never slept with. If you are mature enough to ALWAYS practice safe sex, it is nobody's business who you have slept with before you met them. I have never had an STD, I am completely phobic of them. It doesn't keep me from having sex. If you use the brain God gave you, there are TONS of ways to protect yourself and any future partners. Maybe some people aren't that great of a thinker? Geez! Sex is fun. Romance is okay. Friendship and compatability are the best! The best long-term relationships are friendships. And they often start with sex;-) First of all, I would rather go with generalizations and protect my safety and health. YOU may know about having safe sex but there are no guarantees that others have the same ideas. If I choose to sleep with a man on the first date, I have no idea if HE practiced safe sex with every first date woman he had sex with in the last 4 months....and just because I might practice safe sex, doesn't mean accidents won't happen and the condom won't break giving me direct contact with his fluids. Also with regards to generalizations...you say you have slept with some on the first date and others not...well...that's my point...you might not have slept with every single one...but you certainly have a history of sleeping with guys on a first date...in other words, while I don't expect that a person who sleeps with someone on the first date does it all the time, it is likely they are comfortable with that and have done it with enough people that I would not think they are worth the risk because I don't know how careful they were and how many there were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I wouldn't let someone inside my body who wasn't willing to tell me how many partners he had had, whether he had had casual sex/one night stands and when the last time he had sex was, for purposes of getting tested. I don't need details beyond that, nor do I want them. If he had been promiscuous or into casual sex in my subjective opinion then I might choose to be friends with him if we had things in common but we might not have compatible values as far as getting romantically involved. Everyone's line which gets crossed is different as far as comfort with someone's past, especially recent past, but just because I choose not to date that person/get involved doesn't make me judgmental -- choosing who to let inside your body requires all sorts of judgments, in my opinion including whether the other person showed poor judgment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Yes, there can be errors in testing and there can be people who do not remember clearly when they last had sex, etc. The test shows HIV antibodies - no need to show signs of actual disease, as I and JS posted at least twice already. Given all my "controls" - avoiding people who have been promiscuous in the past or used any kind of illegal drugs, people I know well and who I trust to tell me when the last time was, plus the testing, plus all my knowledge I am comfortable with the miniscule risk if there is any risk (I don't agree that there is a risk other than the test being done incorrectly of course). Obviously if you're going to sleep around you're going to increase the risk of a wrongly done test, a lying or fuzzy memory partner, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amtjrtcet Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Because hopefully you've talked about your pasts, have a plan for using condoms and maybe even have been tested for STD's if you are going to be exclusive. I refuse to talk about the past at any point. And I don't want to hear about his....I just ALWAYS use a condom. NO EXCEPTIONS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nixee Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Wow! Talk about generalizations! I have slept with some guys on the first date, others I never slept with. If you are mature enough to ALWAYS practice safe sex, it is nobody's business who you have slept with before you met them. I have never had an STD, I am completely phobic of them. It doesn't keep me from having sex. If you use the brain God gave you, there are TONS of ways to protect yourself and any future partners. Maybe some people aren't that great of a thinker? Geez! Sex is fun. Romance is okay. Friendship and compatability are the best! The best long-term relationships are friendships. And they often start with sex;-) See.... I guess this is kinda the way I look at it too. Some people I want and I do.... some people I don't I have maturity and brains and plenty of power to say "no". I have never once been out to a club or bar just to pick up a random 'hottie' for a sake of lust, know nothing about them and just roll around in the hay. But yeah, I've had friendships and relationships... dates or whatever that have progressed to that point rather quickly.... and that was simply where I was drawing the line. I think there is quite a difference. I've also had the power to wait in the past. Which is why I hate the generalizations. I don't have a rulebook... as in "no sex by date 3 and I'm gone". Pretty much I just want the sense that there is chemistry and communication going on that is leading somewhere. WHEN it happens... date 1 or date 21... that is in the air and between the two of us. STDS.... HIV... I can see all the point... but no, I don't live in fear of something preventable. Just because sometimes you are quick to sleep with someone, it does not mean you are indiscriminate about who you choose to sleep with, nor does it mean you are foolish when it comes to being healthy or careful. Perhaps some are. I'm sure statistics still show that. But it isn't the rule. It isn't the act of sex itself that is the problem, it is lack of education and self-care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Yes...but while you may be careful...you have no idea if your fling has been careful...if there is no prior discussions and it's just, "gee, I am horny for this guy and we really hit it off...I am going for it" well, you really don't know what you are getting. It is like car accidents...you can be the most careful driver but all it takes is some other person who is not careful and you can land up in an accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I refuse to talk about the past at any point. And I don't want to hear about his....I just ALWAYS use a condom. NO EXCEPTIONS. If you KNEW that someone was HIV positive, would you still sleep with them using a condom? Just curious, because if you never discuss these things or get a test, you really will never know. You could be sleeping with someone who is HIV positive with nothing but a little piece of latex between you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well said. These things don't lie dormant. HPV can lie dormant up to two years, but Herpes usually shows up within 3 weeks. The clap and everything else aren't dormant, it's just that half the people who have it never show symptoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 If you KNEW that someone was HIV positive, would you still sleep with them using a condom? Just curious, because if you never discuss these things or get a test, you really will never know. You could be sleeping with someone who is HIV positive with nothing but a little piece of latex between you. so their word is legit? if i knew they had HIV, heeeeeell no. someone who knows they have HIV or AIDS is supposed to tell you they have it. by law. but then again, they could lie. how legit is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amtjrtcet Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 If you KNEW that someone was HIV positive, would you still sleep with them using a condom? Just curious, because if you never discuss these things or get a test, you really will never know. You could be sleeping with someone who is HIV positive with nothing but a little piece of latex between you. Ok, I see what you're saying about that....but....I don't think its necessary to sit around and talk about how many partners, who they've been with, blah blah blah...Simply asking "are you clean" is enough. That's the present....I just don't want to know about their past. Even though I practice safe sex and here lately don't get much action (by choice) I still get tested every 6 months..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I went home and I thought about this thread because I am the kind of person who has had sex on first dates, and one night stands...that turned into relationships. In my experience, it has more to do with a connection that I feel with a guy. I do not have any expectations. I always, ALWAYS, make sure they wear a condom...even if we are in an exclusive relationship....unless I get married and want to have a baby, I am going to make the guy wear a condom. No one has ever complained about it and I think the fact that I insist on it actually makes them respect me more, even when it is sex on the first date, they want to see me again and even date me. Anyway, about 6 months ago, I decided that I would no longer act on my impulses and started to go on dates where I just talk to the guys. The problem I am having is that the date seems forced somehow, and awkward. I don't even kiss the guys because for me that would lead to more. I am an extremely sexual person and I think that is what makes this type of thread so difficult for me to follow. I have not had the typical experiences with dating, so I cannot relate. For me sex on the first date has usually worked and led to long term relationships. However, all those relationships eventually ended because we were not compatible in other ways. I think that is the real reason to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them. Sex can pretty much happen with anyone, if the parts fit and the people have some experience...which I guess most individuals in their 30's would. If condoms are used correctly, they only fail about 1% of the time, so about 1 in 100 times you have sex, it may break...I don't think the disease aspect is the real issue here. I think the emotional bond and the hurt feelings after the sex partner decides that he/she no longer wants to talk to you is what makes the sex on the first date so difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandyKins Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It sounds like (having sex on a first date) casual sex to me. Yeah if I were I guy I would properly think she is easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nixee Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It sounds like (having sex on a first date) casual sex to me. Yeah if I were I guy I would properly think she is easy. why "easy" though? Why make that distinction? Why not just think she knows what she wants and she decides when she wants it? Why not decide the guy is "easy" as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I don't think that double standard will ever die... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I don't think that double standard will ever die... I agree. Sure, both behaviours are the same and should be regarded as the same...so if we applaud one we should applaud the other...or if we view one as easy we should view the other one as easy. We can all get upset about how unfair it is that there is a double standard...but that is just the reality and despite the "sexual revolution" that still hasn't changed...it has just made it a lot easier for men to get laid without having to shell out money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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