babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 It's been four months since the break up, one month since I last talked to him and made me tell me what was going on in terms of him and dating other people. He hesitantly told me abot the people he had hooked up with and that he was seeing someone he met a week prior. Hearing everythingf inally gave me the kick in the butt to realize I REALLY needed to move on. This was 24 days ago and havent spoken to him since. He texted me about three times this past month (because this is the first time I have really done NC, he thought I wouldnt be able to do it). I never texted anything back. hard thing is he is dating a new girl who is beautiful. I am not exxagerating. I consider myself very pretty but this girl is RIDICULOUS, never seen anyone that beautiful. Not only that, she lives in my same city and he still lives in Texas. So notonly is he dating a supermodel,but he is doing long distance with her when that was the main reason we brokeup. I went on his facebook and saw tons of pictures of them from this past weekend in which he flew her out to Texas. He has known her for barely amonth. Now I know some people would say dont look at those pictures, but in a weird way they are the only thing that is keeping me from contacting him. After a couple weeks NC I always get the urge to call or text him but looking at picturesthem makes me angry, hurt, sad but in the end make me see that me calling him makes me look pathetic. He is 27 and she is only 19, he told me that he really likes her and that she is amazing but he doesnt want anything serio. Well, spending all his time flying back in forth to see her and flying her out to see him sounds pretty serious to me. I know I shouldnt care, but it hurtsssssss so much. I spent four years with him. I was the one he is supposed to fly out there. I know I shouldnt text him but I really really want to today. I know he still thinks of me because even though he was on a cruise last week he still texted me a picture of a sleeping cat he found. (which he always used to do), but I know he has moved on and isinfatuated with this girl. Help me someone.... I finally was able to do 24 full days NC , I know I need to keep going....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizmdavis Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 hi, Hmm...well, sounds to me like this "Christie Brinkley" look-alike is a great big re-bound. I've known people who have split from long-term relationships only to jump into another right away - the new relationship wasn't much more than physical. I feel like he is sending you mixed signals. First, he inadvertently rubs this chick in your face and then he texts you like he "used to"? I think he is confused and treating you unfairly. If he met someone he cares about he wouldn't be holding on to the past like he is. Do not feed into his game, just let it go. He can't have the best of both worlds, he already let the best part get away. I hope this helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Thanks for responding... The sad part is when we had our talk a month ago he told me exactly that. He said, it's just a physical thing, I don't want anything serious, it's a rebound.... but now it's been a month and he's flying her out to texas, and it's just tooo much for me. He was technically my rebound from another person and it lasted four years and I wanted to marry him. I jst want to talk to him but I know I can't. I need my pride a dignity at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizmdavis Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Exactly, you need your pride and dignity. Try to play out the scenario in your mind. If you do call him, what do you think will happen? What will you get out of it? What are you looking for from him? Do you think there is anything he can do to help you? Everything that he has done is all out of his own will. All of this may be what he thinks he needs right now. I don't think that you need to burden yourself with his dealings. For four years you had sway with him, you may still have a little - but why bother with it? It may not be wise to invest your heart in something that seems so unstable. I know this is hard - I've been in your place and it is hard. You will heal and look back on it and feel stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenDuc Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 time to let go babysunshine NC is one thing, but you have to let go to get to the next stage of healing... just say it out loud , I love you but I have to let go now so I can be free I will be fine without you I wish you all my love Good bye try it, it worked for me, from the morning i said that out loud to the universe my mind disconnected from my emotions. yes i still think of my ex but the thoughts stop at my head and do not reach my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leezon Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 babysunshine, your beautiful. This guy obviously is just messing with your head and maybe likes the power that he still has over you. He's not worth your time, and just like i keep telling myself you will find someone that finally gives back as much as you give them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamsalad Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 babysunshine, your beautiful. This guy obviously is just messing with your head and maybe likes the power that he still has over you. He's not worth your time, and just like i keep telling myself you will find someone that finally gives back as much as you give them I agree. Beautiful. Don't let him sink into your head and derail your healing and ability to move on. You'll get something better and that's a fact. Be strong and maintain NC. It works as long as you are strong and willing to sever all ties and look forward to better days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate the support and kind words. The thing is looking at the pictures makes me angry but gives me the drive NOT to call him. It's a little sick isn't it? When I go a week or so without looking at his profile my mind starts to wander and tricks myself into thinking he is missing me, still loves me etc.... then I go and see him with the super model and I feel bad for a while but it truly makes me see HE IS NOT COMING BACK, and that he is happy, and enjoying himself. That, in turn akes me strive even more to achieve those things formyself. So... while some say not to look at facebook/myspace I find it almost the drive I have to keep soldiering through.... weird I know.... I just need to not text him or call him and I'll be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamsalad Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Hi might even come back on his own after his rebound fails. Chances are it will fail. If he comes back, are you willing to keep that door closed? If he crushed you once...it could easily happen again. He chose to remove you from his life. Gracefully do the same and move on. You will be better off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Hamsalad.... This new girl (and I'm not kidding) could point to any guy in a room and have him at her feet. She's seriously that gorgeous. I believe it's a rebound, but... like I said, he was my rebound and we lasted four years. I also know, he wont come back.... He had checked out six months before but I chose to ignore the signs and press him even more. I need to move on... It's been four months. I'm better but far from being in a great state of mind.... ARGH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovedlost Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 BabySunshine, first i want to say that i'm so sorry this happened to you. I was in a similar situation. My ex of 9 years walked out on me while we were engaged, just because he needed "space". come to find out "space" was his co-worker, who actually had nothing on me in my opinion. anyway, i read his emails, and everytime i would think, he still loves me, he has to be coming back, the emails were a reality check for me.....BUT you need to get to the point where you don't need to keep looking at facebook/myspace, because they are a temporary fix to what you really need to do...which is to walk away without the pictures reminding you that this is what you should be doing. Find the strength within, and not in those pictures. Everytime you look at those, you limit yourself from moving on because his face is something you continue to see, and you are continuing to look into his life. I know it's super hard, TRUST me, I know. 9 years talking to someone everyday, and then all of sudden not at all is probably one of the most difficult things, but you have to do it, in order to get over this guy. He'll regret his actions; especially with this 19 year old, but you can't wait around for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 loved and lost... that's the thing, with my soul so shattered I, at least at this moment, can't find the strength within. I know it's unhealthy to look at those pictures but seeing him and knowing what is going on in his life keeps me from calling. It's so stressfull. Thanks for sharing your exerience and hopefully I can reach the moment where I can find te strenghth myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovedlost Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 you will babysunshine! July will make a year since we've been apart, and my stomach still flips if I happen to see a picture of him and her. I looked on his cousin's myspace page, because i deleted him as my friend, and i saw that the new girl was over his family's house for a big celebration they were having for his great grandmother. It really struck a nerve, because these people called me family for almost a decade, and just like that, they seemed to be welcoming this new girl in their lives. Where it was my reality check in the beginning, to see pics of him now does more harm than good. So, i'm not saying it will go away after a year, necessarily, but you will get to the acceptance stage, then anger, then healing. You can help expedite those stages by the way that you think, and things that you do, such as nc and not looking at those pics. trust me, in a month, you will reflect on that first month, or that first week, and say wow babysunshine, you've come a long way!! that's when you will recognize your growth. i hear you on this all being stressful. Luckily for me, I had a strong circle of friends because it was so bad that i refused to eat, sleep, smile for months after we broke up. i cried more than i spoke, and physically would get sick. so i know how stressful this is. but be comforted in knowing that you will get better. surround yourself by positive people, who really love you, and will be sympathetic to what you're going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovedlost Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 babysunshine, i don't know how to use this thing well yet. send me that message again. i had a popup blocker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamsalad Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Hamsalad.... This new girl (and I'm not kidding) could point to any guy in a room and have him at her feet. She's seriously that gorgeous. I believe it's a rebound, but... like I said, he was my rebound and we lasted four years. I also know, he wont come back.... He had checked out six months before but I chose to ignore the signs and press him even more. I need to move on... It's been four months. I'm better but far from being in a great state of mind.... ARGH. I believe you when you say she is that gorgeous. Great. But, (there's always a BUT) does it really matter that much? Stop comparing yourself or anyone else to her. It's not worth your time and, honestly, is she as cool as you? Doubt it. Looks only go so far and the shimmer and glamor will only last so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 Well... I am pretty cool Thanks Ham! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 stay strong and don't call and try to ween yourself off of facebook. She might be pretty but after awhile even physical beauty can seem ugly if the personality isn't great. I looked at my ex's myspace yesterday after 3 weeks of not doing it and it just made things worse. I know it makes you angry but that seems to me like it's still a passionate response and I don't think it's necessarily good...you are hoping to have no response when you see it. Hang in there...sometimes it feels like its going to be forever painful but things will get better they always do for me...this is one of the least painful breakups I've had but it's still sucks and hurts like hell. Just hang in there...you have nothing to gain by contacting them ...you can only lose at this stage of the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desiree81 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I understand. Seeing pictures of him on other people's facebook profiles is one motivation for me to keep strict NC and it does help me move on. You do get closure differently if your relationship was LDR. Since you're used to not seeing the person physically, you need other things that helps you realize that it's finally over. I'm sure you're a beautiful person. There're tons of supermodels in the world and there's only one of you. Take care! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysunshine Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Thanks Desiree.. While I realize looking at the pictures is a little unhealthy, for right now it's what I need. Seeing him happy and going out to places I never got to go with him and with a beautiful girl nonetheless makes me want to not call and even better, work my booty off at the gym and make my life better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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