Does race play a role in Dating/attraction?

[Snoopy24]

You obviously don't know the definition of racism.

 

To be racist, means you think you are better than that race, and you don't like that race.

 

Just because I don't want to date a guy from a different race, doesn't mean I couldn't be great friends with them.

 

It's a preference just like I won't date a guy unless he is taller than me, or if he is no more than 5 years older or younger than me.

 

Doesn't mean I don't like someone who falls under these categories. It just means I don't want to date them.

[Superfreak]

You obviously don't know the definition of racism.

 

Racism:

1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability

2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race.

 

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

 

Hatred isn't required for something to be inherently racist. If it was required then the statement "If you need someone that's good at math for this position, make sure to hire an Asian" wouldn't be racist since it doesn't display hatred. It IS racist because it deals in absolutes when it comes to race and assumes uniform racial characteristics.

 

To be racist, means you think you are better than that race, and you don't like that race.

 

No it doesn't just mean that. That's overly simplistic. Refer to above.

 

Just because I don't want to date a guy from a different race, doesn't mean I couldn't be great friends with them.

 

Your point being....?

 

Having a racial dating preference doesn't mean you're on the level of KKK clansmen at all, but excluding partners based on nothing other then the racial category they fall in to rather then looking at them as a person is racist and fits the commonly accepted definitions. A statement such as "I generally don't find Asian men attractive" isn't necessarily racist but your repeated statements of "I won't date outside my own race" smacks of racism and I really don't see how you can rationalize it as anything but.

 

It's a preference just like I won't date a guy unless he is taller than me, or if he is no more than 5 years older or younger than me.

 

And I won't date a woman that's 90 years old. That makes me age-ist when it comes to dating preference. Why won't you own up to being racially discriminatory in regards to yours?

[Snoopy24]

and let me ask you this.

 

If a straight man doesn't want to date another man...do you think he is prejudice of gay people?

 

I sure hope not.

 

Same. exact. thing. excluding a group of people you don't want to date, based on the individuals preference.

[JadedStar]

In my 41 years of life i have been attracted to men of various races. I have only dated within my own race, but mostly because i have been married twice and most of my life has been in a committed relationship, not single.

 

I have seen white, black and asian guys, and other races, who i found incredibly attractive. I am mostly attracted to my own race simply because of the features that i find attractive but have found men of other races to be quite attractive as well and if i was single i would go out with them. I am not really into doing things that are expected of me by society.

[JadedStar]

and let me ask you this.

 

If a straight man doesn't want to date another man...do you think he is prejudice of gay people?

 

I sure hope not.

 

Same. exact. thing. excluding a group of people you don't want to date, based on the individuals preference.

 

Exactly. I think it is incredibly short sighted for a person to think that those who are very honest about the types of people they find attractive are racists. That is ridiculous. I am white, have found white men to be what attracts my eye most in my life, but am not prejudice at all. When it comes to who a person will date that is VERY personal and no one should date someone they are not attracted to regardless of their color.

 

Your analogy is a good one. It would be like saying men who are turned off at the thought of sleeping with another man are prejudice against gays. I know many men who have no desire to sleep with another guy but who have gay friends and find what others do in their private lives to be their business.

[JadedStar]

Of course it does. It means they have a racial dating preference, which is a racist dating preference. What's with all these false dilemma's.

 

Most ridiculous thing i ever heard.

 

Racism (noun): the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races

 

Not dating someone from a particular race does NOT mean you feel intrinsically superior to them. I don't date women either but don't feel superior to them..i am one. Just like if i don't date a black guy it isn't because i feel superior to him. We both are human beings. I might not find him attractive enough to want to kiss and sleep with him, and at the end of the day most people date others they find desirable enough to be able to kiss passionately at some piont. at the same time, i wouldn't rule out dating a person of any race if i find them attractive enough.

[Superfreak]

and let me ask you this.

 

If a straight man doesn't want to date another man...do you think he is prejudice of gay people?

 

That analogy only work if you believe sexual orientation is a choice. If you do believe that that's a whole new thread I'd be pleased to debate you in. However there's no evidence at all however that people are hardwired with a racial preference from birth, unlike in regard to sexual orientation.

 

Same. exact. thing. excluding a group of people you don't want to date, based on the individuals preference.

 

Even if we do go along with your terrible analogy, I'd be pleased to say that I'm sexist in regards to dating since I won't date men. Why won't you admit to being racially discriminatory in regards to your preference?

[Superfreak]

Most ridiculous thing i ever heard.

 

Racism (noun): the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races

 

Making absolute statements however is racist is it not? Refer to my above definitions. In order to not be racist in regards to dating preference does not mean you have to have sex with someone of any race that asks you to. HOWEVER it does mean that categorically rejecting a racial group without so much as looking at the individual person is evidence of an extreme racially discriminatory view of dating. You're assuming uniform characteristics about a particular race, which does fit the definition of racism as it's an inherently racist assumption.

[CharlesF]

I have known several Asian guys who dated only white girls.

[JadedStar]

Making absolute statements however is racist is it not? Refer to my above definitions. In order to not be racist in regards to dating preference does not mean you have to have sex with someone of any race that asks you to. HOWEVER it does mean that categorically rejecting a racial group without so much as looking at the individual person is evidence of an extreme racially discriminatory view of dating. You're assuming uniform characteristics about a particular race, which does fit the definition of racism as it's an inherently racist assumption.

 

If you read my post you would see that i stated i do NOT discount someone on race alone and if i found a person of a different race attractive i would date him.

 

HOwever, when i date someone it has always been with a longterm reltaionship in mind. That does not mean everyone i dated i wanted to stay longterm, it meant i was not interested in casually dating, thus, if a person's appearance was not in my range of good looking enough to want to kiss then it probably would not change at anytime in the future.

 

That is my God given right, and i find it very presumptious for you to tell others that their dating preferences makes them racist.

[JadedStar]

I have known several Asian guys who dated only white girls.

 

I have a best friend who will only date white girls. He is not attracted to asian girls even tho he is half asian and looks predominantly asian.

 

That said, he is NOT prejudice against his own race. He says he doesn't know why he has his preference it is just something innate and unexplainable. Most of the time that is how attraction is. You don't call someone a racist for something that is innate to them and they can't even define. Now if he also did not LIKE asian girls as people then YES he would be racist. But he had many female friends who were asian, he just wasn't attracted enough to date them.

[Superfreak]

All these posters that refuse to call CATEGORICALLY REJECTING PEOPLE BASED ON KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT THERE PERSONALITY OR appearance OTHER THEN THERE RACE, racism can basically be summed up as saying "boo-hoo, the word racism has negative connotations I don't want to associate myself with so I won't admit to it."

 

Well I'm not here to spare your feelings, I just take a dim view of dressing it up as anything other then what it actually is.

[Superfreak]

If you read my post you would see that i stated i do NOT discount someone on race alone and if i found a person of a different race attractive i would date him.

 

Then you DON'T have a racially discriminatory view of dating. Snoopy however does with her absolute statements of "I will not date race xxxx".

[JadedStar]

All these posters that refuse to call CATEGORICALLY REJECTING PEOPLE BASED ON KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT THERE PERSONALITY OR appearance OTHER THEN THERE RACE, racism can basically be summed up as saying "boo-hoo, the word racism has negative connotations I don't want to associate myself with so I won't admit to it."

 

Well I'm not here to spare your feelings, I just take a dim view of dressing it up as anything other then what it actually is.

 

This is not about sparing my feelings, it is about your definition being wrong.

NO one on this thread who said they might not find a certain race as attractive as another are saying they reject that race as in friendships. That is your flaw in your argument. My circle of friends is all colors.

 

Is snoopy supposed to deny what her eyes and brain finds as desirable to spare YOUR feelings? That is what you make it sound like she should do to not be classified as a racist. That's nuts.

[Superfreak]

This is not about sparing my feelings, it is about your definition being wrong.

NO one on this thread who said they might not find a certain race as attractive as another are saying they reject that race as in friendships. That is your flaw in your argument. My circle of friends is all colors.

 

Which is why I've always been careful to say "racist in regards to dating preference". Also, that statement wasn't aimed at you since you havn't made absolute statements about categorically rejecting people based on nothing other then there race.

[Superfreak]

Is snoopy supposed to deny what her eyes and brain finds as desirable to spare YOUR feelings? That is what you make it sound like she should do to not be classified as a racist. That's nuts.

 

No she shouldn't. But I don't see why she shouldn't admit to having a racist dating preference. It may be a preference that she can't change despite her wishes, but it's nevertheless a racist preference. Why call it anything else? To spare feelings? I don't have a duty of care to other people's feelings. What I care about is accurately classifying between racist statements and those that are not. Assuming people of a single race share the same physical and cultural characteristics is racist, as is categorically ruling out people due solely to there race exemplary of a racist dating preference.

 

It's a relatively minor form of racism if it's just in regard to dating, but it's racism nonetheless

[Snoopy24]

All these posters that refuse to call CATEGORICALLY REJECTING PEOPLE BASED ON KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT THERE PERSONALITY OR appearance OTHER THEN THERE RACE, racism can basically be summed up as saying "boo-hoo, the word racism has negative connotations I don't want to associate myself with so I won't admit to it."

 

Well I'm not here to spare your feelings, I just take a dim view of dressing it up as anything other then what it actually is.

 

Not being attracted to a race, doesn't mean someone is racist!!

 

People are attracted to who they are attracted to. just like you are Not attracted to males, someone else might not be attracted to black people. You may say you are sexist. But if you think someone not being attracted to a black man is racist, than you not being attracted to a guy is prejudice. NOT sexist. You are contradicting yourself.

 

And I never once said, I wasn't attracted to a whole entire race. I said I MOST LIKLEY wouldn't date anyone outside my own race, and I am manly attracted to people of my own race. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and doesn't make me anything but a * * * * ing human being, that has my own preferences when it comes to who I chose to be my sexual partner.

 

And people have many reasons why they wouldn't want to date a certain race aside from physical appearance. You are acting as people don't want to date JUST bc of what the people of that race looks like. That could be a big part of it for a lot of people, but there are millions of reasons why, that have nothing to do with looks.

 

Get a clue.

[JadedStar]

No she shouldn't. But I don't see why she shouldn't admit to having a racist dating preference. It may be a preference that she can't change despite her wishes, but it's nevertheless a racist preference. Why call it anything else? To spare feelings? I don't have a duty of care to other people's feelings. What I care about is accurately classifying between racist statements and those that are not. Assuming people of a single race share the same physical and cultural characteristics is racist, as is categorically ruling out people due solely to there race exemplary of a racist dating preference.

 

It's a relatively minor form of racism if it's just in regard to dating, but it's racism nonetheless

 

Having a race preference in dating is VERY different than coining someone a racist. That is a huge misnomer.

[Superfreak]

Not being attracted to a race, doesn't mean someone is racist. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. just like you are Not attracted to males, someone else might not be attracted to black people. You may say you are sexist. But someone not being attracted to a black man is racist, then you not being attracted to a guy is prejudice. NOT sexist. You are contradicting yourself.

 

This really isn't making sense. Proofread what you wrote and get back at me.

 

My statement was that sexual orientation is hardwired in to one's brain from birth while it is not hardwired in to one's brain biologically to exclude or include certain races.

 

And I never once said, I wasn't attracted to a whole entire race. I said I MOST LIKLEY wouldn't date anyone outside my own race,

 

Actually, you have said that:

 

Because someone doesn't want to date a certain race, doesn't mean they have anything against them, or thinks the whole race is unattractive. It's just a preference.

 

This quote alludes to rejecting a whole race.

 

Just because I don't want to date a guy from a different race

 

This also alludes to categoric rejection of a whole race.

 

That's what a quick skim turned up.

 

and I am manly attracted to people of my own race. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and doesn't make me anything but a * * * * ing human being.

 

If you would be open to dating someone regardless of race then this would mean that you are not racist in regards to dating preference. However it's certainly not what you've written before has indicated. If I miscontrued it's entirely your fault for wording it poorly. And I get the sense that this is really just backpeddling but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

And people have many reasons why they wouldn't want to date a certain race aside from physical appearance. You are acting as people don't want to date JUST bc of what the people of that race looks like. That could be a big part of it for a lot of people, but there are millions of reasons why, that have nothing to do with looks.

 

Get a clue.

 

Actually, I'm not saying it's entirely based on appearance. Please do list reasons aside from physical appearance that you or anyone else would categorically reject out of hand a race of people as potential dates though.

[poloplayer]

To be racist means you have a hatred or intolerance of another race.

 

When I was in university, a professor told me (the class) that I am racist by default as I am a white, Christian male and the entire world is set in my favor.

 

Whose definition is right? There is no universally accepted one that I am aware of. Check Webster's, then check Oxford's, then look at other ones - they're all different.

[Snoopy24]

My statement was that sexual orientation is hardwired in to one's brain from birth while it is not hardwired in to one's brain biologically to exclude or include certain races.

 

And being physically attracted/unattracted to someone (regardless of race) is "Hardwired in to one's brain" from birth as well....

 

 

Because someone doesn't want to date a certain race, doesn't mean they have anything against them, or thinks the whole race is unattractive. It's just a preference.

This quote alludes to rejecting a whole race.

 

Quote:

Just because I don't want to date a guy from a different race

This also alludes to categoric rejection of a whole race.

 

That's what a quick skim turned up.

 

If you read my VERY first post, it says, " In my opinion, I think most people are attracted to their own race first. Not everyone, obviously..but most.

 

I personally find guys from all races attractive. I don't have a top or bottom list. It's about the individual.""

 

 

In my other posts I was generalizing.

 

 

If you would be open to dating someone regardless of race then this would mean that you are not racist in regards to dating preference. However it's certainly not what you've written before has indicated. If I miscontrued it's entirely your fault for wording it poorly. And I get the sense that this is really just backpeddling but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

I am NOT talking specifically about me. I am saying ANYONE who dismisses race, because of a personal preference, is NOT racist.

 

I said several times that I DO find guys from all races attractive. But I prefer my own. So I will probably stick to what I prefer.

 

 

Actually, I'm not saying it's entirely based on appearance. Please do list reasons aside from physical appearance that you or anyone else would categorically reject out of hand a race of people as potential dates though.

 

- A family member could BE a rasict, and it wouldn't be worth getting disowned for one date.

- Religious beliefs.

- how THEY feel society would judge them.

- Having children with the person. and many many more reasons.

 

And honestly it doesn't matter what the reason. appearance or not, as long as its not a real racist reason.

 

We are not talking about friendships, we are talking about dating and a potential life partner. So what if someone would rather be with their own race or a race they find more physically appealing?

[Superfreak]

Having a race preference in dating is VERY different than coining someone a racist. That is a huge misnomer.

 

Why is it different?

 

I can understand a person preferring a physical "look" that's more commonly found in a certain race, I myself have said in this thread that I have an attraction for blonde hair, which obviously isn't common in non-caucasians, but for someone to say that they would not date a certain race, not to say that they prefer certain physical characteristics, but that they prefer a certain race, really does raise the question as to why not?

 

The answer invariably is a racist reason because the answer is likely to either treat the race as sharing uniform characteristics, for example a person that says that they don't like blacks because black women have wider noses is making a racist statement since not all black women have wider noses then caucasians or asians etc. Or if the reason they won't date another race is, for example, because they don't like there "gangster image", this would also be racism since not all persons of that race have a gangster or violent personality. Otherwise there reason for not dating a race hints at external racism such as "I won't date a black guy because my friends would reject me".

 

I've been careful to say that preferential selection or deselection of racial groups in regards to dating is a relatively minor form of racism, and that racism isn't a binary condition where either you are or you're not, it's rather a spectrum of "how racist are you", so I don't see why an extreme racial preference in dating should not be considered a form of racial discrimination.

[Shudder]

first off, who cares what society says. and second i think mixed people are some of the best looking people on the planet.

[Superfreak]

 

And being physically attracted/unattracted to someone (regardless of race) is "Hardwired in to one's brain" from birth as well....

 

Actually no, it's not. Present me proof. I can easily present you proof that sexual orientation is if you request it but I doubt you'll be able to present me proof that attraction to a certain "look" is biological.

 

 

 

If you read my VERY first post, it says, " In my opinion, I think most people are attracted to their own race first. Not everyone, obviously..but most.

 

I personally find guys from all races attractive. I don't have a top or bottom list. It's about the individual.""

 

 

In my other posts I was generalizing.

 

Well then you definitely massacred what you wrote in this post in your defence of other people that do have extreme racial preferences. I don't really believe that their's anything intrinsic about being attracted to one's own race first, but otherwise this first post displays a healthy attitude about interracial relationships. It was your subsequent posts that were a defence of extreme racial dating preferences that I took issue with.

 

 

I am NOT talking specifically about me. I am saying ANYONE who dismisses race, because of a personal preference, is NOT racist.

 

Refer to my post to Jadedstar above to why an extreme racial preference is legitimate to call racist. Summarizing what I wrote, it's understandable to be turned on/off by certain physical features that are more common to one particular race then another, but making absolute statements about a race in general would only be done for reasoning that at its core is racist on some level.

 

 

- A family member could BE a rasict, and it wouldn't be worth getting disowned for one date.

 

This would still be racism, but it would be external racism. The person themselves may not be racist but there family certainly is. So at its core, yes this is a racist reason not to date someone of a different race (the difference being that the potential interracial dater may not be the racist one)

 

- Religious beliefs.

 

This would be a racist reason as well. In the Old Testament, black's and darker skinned people's are treated as inferior races. If this is the reason behind a person rejecting a potential suitor, because the persons holy book speaks of people with darker skin being inferior, then this too is a racist reason.

 

Some people in our society have an attitude that just because somethings done for religious purposes it makes it immune to criticism. I say that's B.S

 

- how THEY feel society would judge them.

 

Again this is a racist reason for rejecting, however it's an externally racist reason. The person doing the rejecting may not be racist themselves, but the rejection itself is taking place for a racist reason (society not accepting interracial relationships)

 

- Having children with the person. and many many more reasons.

 

This would be racist as well since it would either mean that the person doing the rejecting was doing so because they believed a mixed child would be inferior or they believe society would judge the child harshly (external racism). In either case the rejection occurred for a racist reason.

 

And honestly it doesn't matter what the reason. appearance or not, as long as its not a real racist reason.

 

And yet all the scenario's you wrote of above, the rejection of that race occurred due to a racist reason. In a few of the cases the person may not have been racist themselves, but in each of them, the rejection occurred due to racism. I don't see how this jives with your idea that extreme preferential selection based on race is not racism/racially discriminatory.

[Chimps]

i think mixed people are some of the best looking people on the planet.

 

Amen to that. This argument is starting to be about peoples different opinions.

 

So attraction is there, if he/she's hot, doesn't matter the race, he/she's hot.

 

But the deep meaningful relationship....?