KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm confused about one thing - - is it moving in with your friend or moving closer to your friend? Ok, I was always curious about Maryland as I am originally from NJ, He is from MD born and raised and we met here in NC. We both planned to meet in MD-my issues were my suspended license and a few credit issues, his was getting a career that would be able to support a family. I researched other places too but MD was the best for growth for young people. So 7/06 he left here and went there and I left NJ and came here. At the time I was #86 and now I am #30 but it's becoming so burdensome because it's so hard to save and as a result me and my child has had to take so many short ends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 So - A couple years ago, you had a mutual agreement, actually you set him up to be able to provide for you all as a family.... And now you are second guessing the plans. Right? Honey - - - trust me, it crosses my mind now and then to just go with it.... let someone take care of us.. But what happens when one day you realize that you just let them out of desperation and you're not really happy? Another heartache for the little ones I fear... So I keep on going... I'll make - we will make it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 yeah.. you are a tough woman, you know how to scrape for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 To be honest I left NJ and came south for it to be easier but to my surprise it's not at all easier. I am a city gal with that southern hospitality now and I have done the things I said I couldn't do with this pay and now it's time to do the things I need and want to do which is BREATHE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm sorry dear but you're takin a huge risk if you ask me. One thing - when you do something because you feel like you "have" to, typically what happens is that person or things is resented at some point. - "have" to move in with someone - then "have" to stay with him or else you'll lose that stability If you move in with him for your daughter only... not because you care about him, love him, or see a future with him...... I just don't think it'll work. What about those other jobs you could apply for? Wouldn't it make more sense for you to go ahead and see about getting another job before moving his way? This might help you to breathe, eh? Also - where does your daughter go while you work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 yeah.. you are a tough woman, you know how to scrape for it. I went to school and I am a qualified professional. I work hard and I'd be damned to scrape, borrow and beg when I have the knowledge and skills to get that money-why would I have to scrape for something I've already paid dues for? That just makes no sense to me-at all. Get this I had to rub my pennies together for 18 months, I walked to and from work for 22 months hail rain sun snow to pay damn near 3k for a lawyer to get my license back-another 700 on surcharges and other fees. Been in my place since Oct paying rent at 524 and mind you I don't even 18k a year. Please you do the math-and tell me what you come up with. Scraping aint even the word-this ain't MY life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm not so sure that was in reference to you... I took the comment completely different than you. "you know how to scrape for it..." Meaning - - - > You know how to make do. You do well. You can make it - you know how to make much of little... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well, it sounds like the move might be a positive one for you and your daughter, if you can get a much better job and there are more opportunities for you with respect to job-related growth. Just make sure you move for you and your daughter...the guy is the icing on the cake..but not the cake. As for financial strain...even without children it gets rough, especially with rents being so high. I am moving and my rent will be going up by $250/month...which means I am trying to find ways to tighten my belt. I have always typically bought clothes at Walmart or when they are on sale at Sears. Never got into brand names. I think there is so much peer pressure with kids these days to have the brand names and all the latest gadgets. I think life was so much simpler for kids back in the 70's and previous generations. It is interesting to hear stories from my parents on how they used to amuse themselves as kids...didn't involve spending of much money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm sorry dear but you're takin a huge risk if you ask me. One thing - when you do something because you feel like you "have" to, typically what happens is that person or things is resented at some point. - "have" to move in with someone - then "have" to stay with him or else you'll lose that stability If you move in with him for your daughter only... not because you care about him, love him, or see a future with him...... I just don't think it'll work. What about those other jobs you could apply for? Wouldn't it make more sense for you to go ahead and see about getting another job before moving his way? This might help you to breathe, eh? Also - where does your daughter go while you work? Guess you didn't read one of the other replies I sent/Getting a job there is not an issue and getting the salary is not a issue the issue is a place to live until my place is ready. She goes with my mother now while I am at work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm not so sure that was in reference to you... I took the comment completely different than you. "you know how to scrape for it..." Meaning - - - > You know how to make do. You do well. You can make it - you know how to make much of little... exactly what i meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Guess you didn't read one of the other replies I sent/Getting a job there is not an issue and getting the salary is not a issue the issue is a place to live until my place is ready. She goes with my mother now while I am at work You're right. Guess I misunderstood. You were like number 84 a couple years ago and are down to #30 now, right. (or something like that.) So sure - you could move in as "room mates" for what a year and a half or so. Your daughter will surely understand if it's just a room mate situation rather than a "this is the guy who is going to save our day - the guy who adores us -" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I know-as a kid we used to make up things and nowadays everything is so expensive and high-tech-you got that right. CAD I know that it will positive as for money, growth, and there are many opportunities and programs there that will help us greatly opposed to this town and it's issues. I don't feel like a failure because I have accomplished so much in two years but I know my worth and this place has got me stagnated. I mean I am sitting around contemplating on being there for a man in jail for 8 months- * * * ??? I got to go and get back to the money ASAP because it feels as if I am just sitting down here wasting time and wating away. I feel like I got what I came here for and in my heart and mind I feel as if it is time to ditch. The man is always going to be there-regardless which is the reason I haven't left to go to him yet-so I suppose he is the buttercream icing that makes the idea sweet, but I know once I get there I will be like a kid in a candy shop because there will be so many more options. But I don't want to lose him as a friend either which is why i feel as if I should push it to the limit. I will send resumes out tonight and see what happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I went to school and I am a qualified professional. I work hard and I'd be damned to scrape, borrow and beg when I have the knowledge and skills to get that money-why would I have to scrape for something I've already paid dues for? That just makes no sense to me-at all. who said anything about borrowing or begging anyway? i see where you have the attitude of 'too proud to ask for help' but you are considering moving in with a guy just to make life easier on yourself. doesnt that qualify as recieving help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 You're right. Guess I misunderstood. You were like number 84 a couple years ago and are down to #30 now' date=' right. (or something like that.) So sure - you could move in as "room mates" for what a year and a half or so. Your daughter will surely understand if it's just a room mate situation rather than a "this is the guy who is going to save our day - the guy who adores us -"[/quote'] OOOOOO-no I am not that STUPID--LOL!! She does know him though and gets along fine with him. I am thinking that will make sense to sort of "test" it out and also to save, save, save. I am thinking about calling there and telling them I am having some trying times and I need something sooner than later-right>? Maybe that will speed it up a bit so it won't be too long. I don't think I would bring her right away though-maybe take a leave of absense from my current job for about a week or so and set up the interviews around that time too-what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I assumed she knew him a bit.... Will they move you up? That would be nice if so. Sounds like a good idea - maybe she could visit with your mom for a week or two so you can get everything set up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 who said anything about borrowing or begging anyway? i see where you have the attitude of 'too proud to ask for help' but you are considering moving in with a guy just to make life easier on yourself. doesnt that qualify as recieving help? I am not too proud to ask for anything but when you constantly get knocked down when you humble yourself to do so-how many more times will you continue to ask for that help and get turned around with crushed hopes. Thing is I am a mother and I am responsible for taking care of my child if her Dad does or not. I am considering moving in with my ex of whose is also a very close and dear friend to me and my family in order or get ahead. It's not like I am going to be getting something for nothing-he and I will both benefit from it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 who said anything about borrowing or begging anyway? i see where you have the attitude of 'too proud to ask for help' but you are considering moving in with a guy just to make life easier on yourself. doesnt that qualify as recieving help? Apologize if I took it in the wrong context-to me scrape me to scrape up something when there is nothing and to me it means to beg and or borrow. When I say there is nothing-it's nothing! So I was thinking like how can I scrape when there's nothing there to scrape Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAT MOMMY Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I assumed she knew him a bit.... Will they move you up? That would be nice if so. Sounds like a good idea - maybe she could visit with your mom for a week or two so you can get everything set up. Thanks Ma! You have helped me more than you know. I really needed to talk it over with some one. Guess we all do from time to time. I like you Ilike you point of view. I might be needing more advice so can I PM you from time to time?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Thanks Ma! You have helped me more than you know. I really needed to talk it over with some one. Guess we all do from time to time. I like you Ilike you point of view. I might be needing more advice so can I PM you from time to time?? You're welcome... I'm not sure I helped so much but try to give you some different perspectives to look at... PM me anytime.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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