King5 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 So about a year ago I stumbled up email conversations that my wife had been having with our family lawyer...a married man. Nothing graphic, but longing and showing a real connection. They had never met in person, or so I was told, and we went to marriage therapy. She also left me around 18 months of marriage for "the one that got away" and came back to me about 3 months later. So my update is that life has changed, still together, still smiling....but I had a sad realization about 2 weeks ago. Everything seems empty, kinda hollow, and passionless. The motions and emotions are there, but I have no bruning desire for anything in my life. The two things that I loved, I cannot participate in any more due to it causing me to be away from my family (all sports related). What kicked this retrospect was 2 things: 1) Her married friend complaining about her husband in a way similar to the way my wife complained about me....and then cheating on him in Las Vegas 2) And finding old letter from my ex-Fiancee amazed with how passionate I was for life and in the alst letter passionate about the woman I chose instead of her. I think I still might be in mourning...or just very very confused and hurt still Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 How is your marriage now? Are you both just going through the motions of marriage? Given her history, are you afraid she will stray yet again and that is why you feel at loose ends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supa_gurl Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 My husband and I have gone through a very similar situation, although ours is still a little fresh. Me being the one that "strayed" by talking to others. I hate that I did it and that I hurt him so badly. I sometimes get frustrated with him because he is not letting it go, he constantly has his guard up. Which I sort of understand, but I have also been showing all the love I think I can hoping that will help. It is a long road to recovery and I wish you and your wife the best. I'm sure you are still in a state of mourning. you will have good and bad days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King5 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I think overall life is better....I took a step back in my career to spend more time at home. Helped her achieve some of her own career aspirations. We also have had three major family vacations in the last 12 months. It appears that she is happy, she understands that last eyar she went through some interesting revelations herself. Stating that she was in a odd mind set where she didn't want anything from that guy other then attention and the desire to be free enough to do as she pleases without any reprecussions. This came up again as we were talking about the family friend who just cheated on her husband. My wife said she can relate to her situation but also now recognizes that all she was doing was hiding from a serious lack of communication with her husband. She also said that it is tough for independent women, and she assumes men as well, that were used running free but also longing for a family. And that every now and then she just craves to run and just answer only to her inner voices. oddly open and yet quite unsetteling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki71 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I think I still might be in mourning...or just very very confused and hurt still I am in the same boat. You want to move on and be happy but something seems to keep you from doing it. I have told my wife that not only did she hurt me but a part of my died when she strayed. As almimom said there is that guard that you don't want to drop in fear you will be hurt again. I was so devastated that I am now on meds to help cope with the depression. I wish I could tell you there is an easy way to fix it but I can't. All I can say is make sure you talk to each other and let her know what you feel. This is something that will take a lot of time to recover from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j0shua Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 i took the path of divorce when i caught my ex doing these things. she refused counseling, and there was no other choice. i will never know the pain of 'working it out' only 'working on myself' now. which is better? who can say? be strong and be glad you are still together, i guess. try to find something to spark things back up. try to let go and forgive. but do work on yourself, make yourself be happy on your own as well. good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King5 Posted June 15, 2008 Author Share Posted June 15, 2008 Figured it out...It's like I'm the guy from Office Space and just kinda zoned out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifesontheUp Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Considering your wifes previous history and her recent "revelation" as to her thinking about following her inner voices then I can fully understand how you are feeling. You are possibly waiting as to when it'll happen next, when she'll follow her own selfish needs and get validation from someone outside of her marriage again. IMHO your wife has probably still got unresolved issues. Is she still having counselling? If not perhaps she should see someone. Do you think you really got to the bottom of why your wife has behaved as she has? Does she realise that the next time she throws caution to the wind that you may not be there to take her back?.....or does she take you for granted and think that you'll be there for her no matter what. Its a long hard road to recovery. I think you need to talk to a professional, to go through what you are feeling one on one. You need work on yourself, do things for you, things to make you feel better. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cs90453 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I think that what you're describing is two people who are in a relationship that they don't want. She dosen't want it because of her reasons.....whatever they are. You lack desire because she did some things that caused your feelings for her to change. It seems that there are others that are going through the same thing and I was one of them so I can totally relate to what you are describing. My wife was having an affair with my friend for months before I found out. The truth is, if you're going to accept this has happened in your relationship and continue to be with the person, you have to let parts of you die. For me it was like I was doing something that I would never consider for anyone else I knew that went through anything like this. There's nothing like an attack on the ego. Now that my relationship has ended I feel the emptiness go away and I'm learning to love life again. I realized that I didn't want to settle with someone that didn't want to be with me. How can anyone enjoy a relationship that has to be constantly under the microscope because you feel like you may miss the sign that the other person isn't happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bartels Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Sounds like you are still in denial. You know its over but you havent really accepted it, part of you thinks its a bad dream and it will all suddenly go back the way it was. Thats the bodys way of cushioning the shock but soem people get stuck in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.