(Su) Untitled...Slowly my foot...

[Jacanorie]

Slowly my foot hits the stair,

Quietly, I savour every move.

And every breath I take.

 

The last step is looming nearer,

My fear begins to blossom,

Just a few more strides to go.

 

My hand has started shaking,

The adrenaline is pumping,

Forcing my heart to race.

 

A deep, unhurried breath in,

I take the final step,

Towards the big blue door.

 

I twist the brass door handle,

Sweat gleams accross it,

Revealing my fervent fear.

 

Sighing with pure relief,

I rush out into the roof’s middle,

The flat concrete wet beneath me.

 

Shaking I walk over to the edge,

Excitement building up inside,

Threatening to overflow.

I step on to the ledge,

Staring at the ground below,

I sigh with bitter unhappiness.

 

Is this what I’ve been driven to?

Am I really so desperate to escape?

Yes.

 

That familiar tired aching returns,

My eyes fill with cool salty tears,

Pain fills my entire being.

 

I can’t handle this anymore,

Can’t take the overwhelming pain,

The sadness, guilt and disgust.

 

 

No more petty cuts and slices,

No temporary relief,

I’ve found my cure.

 

I know you won’t understand,

Can’t comprehend my sadness,

Won’t appreciate the pain.

 

I wish you would excuse this,

Pardon my quick escape,

But you’re too self-absorbed.

 

When I talked to you about this,

Told you all my secret wishes,

You just told me I was abandoning you.

 

What about me though?

Why should I suffer for you?

Live with all the pain you’re causing?

 

No.

Forget you, forget everything.

I long for the reason I came.

 

I’m frantic for a break.

An end to the heavy sadness,

Such that it can’t come back.

 

I shuffle towards the brink,

Stare down towards Earth.

I gulp, and steady myself.

 

I gaze up to the stormy sky,

As it lightly begins to rain.

Gradually it grows heavier.

 

Large rain drops hit my face,

Running icily and slowly down,

Mingling with my hot tears.

 

I step over the edge,

Weightless for a second.

Unburdened. Free.