Maree79 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I have been going through NC hell. It had been 19 days when yesterday he messaged me. He said I wasn't obligated to talk to him but he just wanted me to know that he is sorry for hurting me, that he is a psychological mess and to apologize for his awful behavior. We ended up chatting on & off for the rest of the day. Not like old times but just catching up. So now I am left with these feelings of hope & I know I shouldn't. I want to call him more than ever now to try & talk things out. I never said I miss him or how desperately I want to help him, but now I want to. I felt ok about our conversation yesterday, but today I can't stop thinking about it. And pretty much all of what we talked about were things he would bring up. He was starting the conversations. Ideally I want us to go see a counselor as his mental state is the reason we broke up. He didn't think I deserved his mood swings. Do you think I should contact him? I am more confused than ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nearwater Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Boy Maree read some of my posts, I am about the same time for NC but have not got that message yet. From your above post the NC seemed to work, he broke up with you? Maybe let a day pass and do a little research on local therapists that may meet your needs. If he is open to it going to a counselor could be helpful, if is willing to face his issues together with you then a healing may take place. I hope so! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Thanks Kanelio. Yeah, he was the dumper. I see a therapist regularly, not just for relationship stuff but I just think it is a healthy thing to do. I hoped that he would see the benefits of it, he is just too damn stubborn. I was thinking the same thing about waiting a day or so. Damn this stuff is hard. I wish I had a broken arm instead of a broken heart, then a cast followed by some physio & i would be better. These last few weeks have by far been the worst. Thanks again. You hang in there too, ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nearwater Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Wish my ex gf felt that way about therapists, she has awful childhood issues she has never had help with. I think that is at the root of why she is leaving this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 I'm sorry Kanelio. It is a horrible feeling too, I know. I feel so hurt that he won't get help & would rather fade away into depression & leave me behind. I almost feel like it would be easier to deal with if he had cheated or been at total ****. But truth is he wasn't. He is sick. Mine has childhood issues too. I read some of your posts too, i feel for you too. I hope things start to looks up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Hey Maree, well first of all well done for the 19 days of NC. It sounds like he has been doing some thinking in those days, and my first reaction is that if you just step back again (I know, how hard!) then he might do some more thinking. If you (helpfully) find out names of therapists in his area etc, it might pull the shutters down again. I think you should leave it for a while and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Thanks Panda. I am totally conflicted on what to do. I keep going back & forth.... The last few hours I have been thinking alot & think that I will just leave it be for now, if I can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audrey28 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 leave it be. what makes you think things will be different when u get back together. if you were incompatible then, things won't change now. that's the harsh reality. think of the pain he caused you. do u want to give him back the power to hurt you again? just focus on healing and moving forward. you cannot keep doing the same things expecting different results. let go. let him go in love. let your relationship go in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maree79 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 The pain he caused me was post break up which makes it hard to just let go when all the memories of the relationship are all good. I really don't know what went wrong. Just like something snapped in his head. Maybe I am just too upset to see it otherwise. I know you will all say to let go. Everyone says to just move forward. I can't figure out how. I went 19 days of total hell & felt no better. I hate this NC crap. Sorry, just have to rant. I am so upset & lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell024 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 My ex also had mental issues from childhood. one of the reasons he always kept going off the rails.. he said he'd get help but in the end he just told me to f**k off.. nice.. i've had nc for 2 months now and its harder now than it was when we first broke up.. Sorry this is more of a rant than anything.. Jus to let u know your not the only one.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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