ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well - I have some years on you and I don't seem to have learnt my lesson! It is normal to worry if there will be anyone else to come into your life and of course to get along with. Do you think you are easy to get along with? mark I am easy to get along with. The problem is that I do not find too many men attractive, so I always end up in relationships with men who are good looking but have serious emotional problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well - the important thing is to not put yourself under any pressure right now (or at any time!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Well - the important thing is to not put yourself under any pressure right now (or at any time!). That is how I got here in the first place. I just had fun...enjoyed life too much...and did not walk away after all the red flags were in my face. I am afraid to trust my judgment at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I have been guilty of ignoring red flags in the past - lots of us have. But you will learn and grow from this. Of course you are afraid to trust your judgement right now - you got it wrong. But you admit to ignoring the red flags so you did spot them - you will be more alert next time! Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I hope I can learn something from this. I have a hard time trusting people and more often than not I am correct in my suspicions but I ignore them, until it is too late. I have to focus on myself and my career, since that is all I have right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I think you will learn this time! It doesn't mean to be super cautious - relationships are sposed to be fun - remember - just keep your eyes open and do something about it when the flags are flapping - OK? That is your best bet - focus on you and getting your head on straight and focus on your career too. But also remember to go out and have some fun! Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 The idea of fun right now seems very far away. I have to stop all contact with the ex, but we have been emailing back and forth and I have to put a stop to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 It will seem a long way off - but it will return - you know this! Yes - the sooner you can stop the emails the better it is gonna be for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I am extremely confused. He is sending me mixed messages. He says he wants to move on, but if I have something to offer, then he will reconsider. I have offered everything in the past and he ended up cheating on me and blaming me for it. The last time I saw him, a few weeks ago...I told him that I did not want to have sex because we were broken up. I also refused to kiss him. He was actually angry at me because of this. I did not think we should behave like that, unless we were getting back together. It seems that unless there is sex, he is a goner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - I think his message is clear - he cheated on you. You have tried everything and he rejects it. He will reconsider - sheesh - he has a bloody cheek - he really does. People like this usually do get angry when they don't get their own way - and become expert at pushing the blame and the guilt onto you - don't fall for it. Really - stop contacting or replying to the jerk. Your ex is an idiot! Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I am extremely confused. He is sending me mixed messages. He says he wants to move on, but if I have something to offer, then he will reconsider. I have offered everything in the past and he ended up cheating on me and blaming me for it. The last time I saw him, a few weeks ago...I told him that I did not want to have sex because we were broken up. I also refused to kiss him. He was actually angry at me because of this. I did not think we should behave like that, unless we were getting back together. It seems that unless there is sex, he is a goner. This is not good! Who cheats on someone and then blames their partner? That is terrible. Looks like he is after a 'friends with benefits' situation here, which is obviously no good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Since I can only control my own actions, I will have to put a stop to it. The only reason I am in the current situation is because I contacted him in a moment of weakness. He told me at the time that things had changed and that he knew that he loved me and wanted to work things out. However, after only a few weeks, he started ignoring me, playing games, drinking too much, etc. I need to focus on the bad stuff to get over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 This is not good! Who cheats on someone and then blames their partner? That is terrible. Looks like he is after a 'friends with benefits' situation here, which is obviously no good for you. I agree. That is the type of relationship he has with the woman he dated before me. He is currently sleeping with her and always goes back to her, in between relationships. I do not want to become another f-buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 OK - so you were weak and you contacted him - it is not crime of the century but you see how this brings you down. There is nothing more to discuss with him so far as I can see. Put a stop to it if you can darling. Focussing on the bad stuff is a great idea - he really wasn't a good partner, was he? Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 He was not a good partner. He was fun. He was interesting when he wanted to talk, but most of the time he was emotionally unavailable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 And he was a cheater. Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 And he was a cheater. Mark Yes. I have to keep reminding myself of that. If we ever got married and had kids, I would be at home...while he would be out drinking and hitting on other women. My friends were very uncomfortable around him because they always felt like he was hitting on them. Even when he said that he was in love with me, he still talked to other women, got their numbers, etc. I do not think this will ever change, so I must never forget that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Yes - you would never be able to trust him - constantly hitting on other girls - and your friends - what a creep. Hun - you should have run from this a very long time ago. Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I thought I could be understanding and forgiving. I have made mistakes myself, when I was younger and I looked at it as a learning experience for both of us, but it just led to me not trusting him, checking up on him, and being constantly disappointed. It is hard to let it go, but I have to do it so I can save my sanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - his constant chasing other girls - getting their numbers - and of course cheating - these were the things that drove you to constantly check up on him - constantly not trust him - and constantly being disappointed. Who needs all that eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hun - his constant chasing other girls - getting their numbers - and of course cheating - these were the things that drove you to constantly check up on him - constantly not trust him - and constantly being disappointed. Who needs all that eh? I guess I was just hoping that he would eventually appreciate me enough to stop chasing other women, but he is extremely good looking, so women tend to throw themselves at him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 This is the thing though - by putting up with his crap for so long you kind of showed him that you accepted it and sends out the message that you didn't respect yourself and that in turn makes him lose respect for you. So his behaviour wouldn't improve - he would just get worse and worse. So what if he is good looking - it doesn't grant him carte blanche to treat you so disgustingly. I wouldn't be surprised if you said that he used his good looks and women throwing themselves at him as an excuse to behave this way! Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 This is the thing though - by putting up with his crap for so long you kind of showed him that you accepted it and sends out the message that you didn't respect yourself and that in turn makes him lose respect for you. So his behaviour wouldn't improve - he would just get worse and worse. So what if he is good looking - it doesn't grant him carte blanche to treat you so disgustingly. I wouldn't be surprised if you said that he used his good looks and women throwing themselves at him as an excuse to behave this way! Mark No, his excuse was that I was not giving him enough attention. On the night he cheated, we had sex but I was not feeling well, so I told him he could go out without me. He never came back home that night and told me that he slept at a friend's house. He denied cheating but months later it all came out. Now he is trying to say that he did not feel like we were a couple at the time, which is news to me. I do not think I should try to reason with him about any of this because he always spins everything so that he is always right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clabs Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 God - what a bastard. I agree - I said before - people like this often spin everything around so that in their heads - they are always right. You cannot reason with an unreasonable person, that's for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Right now I feel like I am losing my mind. I have no appetite. I could not sleep last night. I am upset that it is affecting me so much, even though I am the one that broke up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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